Middlesbrough News Archives

Saying goodbye to the football season is very much like giving birth to a ginger child: after nine months of optimism, hope and anguish, you’re left with a genuine feeling of disappointment.

The final day is often emotional. Who could forget Arsenal pipping Liverpool to the title in 1989? Well sadly, my old man. In fact, if you see a small befuddled pensioner roaming the streets, you’ll be better off avoiding football trivia altogether; senility is no picnic.

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The North East of England is often described as a ‘football hotbed’ – an area that is widely accepted to be rich in the culture, tradition and passion of the beautiful game. Three big clubs, hundreds of thousands of loyal supporters and a breeding ground for talent through the eras, there can’t be many parts of the world that top Tyneside, Wearside and the Tees on the hotbed thermometer ?

Well of course there are. Bobby Charlton, Alan Shearer and Paul Gascoigne apart, how many world class players has the ‘hotbed’ produced ? And how many trophies have their teams won on a national or international stage ?

I know it’s not all about glory and home grown talent, but I can make a case for ten diverse areas on this planet all being bigger hotbeds than the North East (population: 2,515,442):

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All Premier League highlights from Saturday’s matches:

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Tubby Brazilian Ronaldo may be one of the greatest players to ever grace a football pitch, but he’s definitely a poor role model. The AC Milan man let himself down when he invited three members of the late-night entertainment industry back to a motel. It wasn’t just the fact that they turned out to be ladyboys; he shamefully offered to pay them for doing nothing. If I pay a builder to construct a conservatory, and he brings along a few superfluous tools, I’d expect him to keep his head down and finish the job.

This sorry tale was not the only case of mistaken identity this week; Rio Ferdinand kicked a female Chelsea steward after mistaking her for a wall. It sounds like a tall story, but I once kicked the wife by accident; I thought she was her mother.

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Saturday’s Premier League game highlights:

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Soccerlens welcomes odds man Gerry McDonnell for another round of playing offside, general debauchery and betting scams…although there is no evidence to suggest that Gerry McDonnell was involved in a scam, or in fact a scam actually took place, or that he’s actually paying for exclusive access to Lindsay Lohan.

I do enjoy a moral dilemma. An intellectual friend asked if I would kill a chicken to save a chicken’s life. I honestly replied that I’d happily slaughter a chicken if I missed breakfast.

He went on to ask if I would ever use inside information to profit from gambling. I once again answered in all honesty that I have never been involved in such a practice; but then again, I don’t know Harry Redknapp.

There is still uproar amongst the betting community whenever the controversial ‘next Portsmouth manager’ market is discussed. I must point out that there is no evidence to suggest that Harry Redknapp was involved in a scam, or in fact that a scam actually took place. I will just say that the 11/4 for a Newcastle win over Portsmouth should be investigated further.

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It always amuses me how football managers can have selective eye sight when decisions either go for or against their respective teams during big games.

There is no doubting that Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger is one of the world’s best coaches and has done wonders since being unveiled by the north Londoners on October 1 1996. However he really needs to sort out the problem which seems to affect his eyesight during the course of a football game!

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All the goals from 5-6 April 08 English Premier League games:

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The inimitable (we’re running out of adjectives) betting expert Gerry McDonnell gives his take on this weekend’s FA Cup action, Premier League action and all the other action he loves watching on the telly.

The adult film industry has many knockers, but I remain a fully-fledged supporter. My only possible critique would be that the storylines occasionally lack realism. I can’t begin to tell you how disappointed I was with my job as a photocopier repair man.

My wife is a fierce critic of the genre as she incorrectly believes that the art form demeans women. Personally, I think it’s a positive when a hobby becomes an occupation; I would love to get paid for sending nude photographs of myself to Cheryl Tweedy. I’ll have to finance my pastime by backing Portsmouth at 10/11 to beat West Brom in their FA Cup semi-final.

My favourite sub-genre of the adult entertainment industry is the one when two ladies take a spiritual road to self-discovery. There are things I’d rather not see though, and watching Barnsley play Cardiff is the equivalent of watching Lisa Riley tinker with Jade Goody. Cardiff will probably win their semi at 11/8, but I’d rather watch something a little more uplifting.

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A points difference of 9, with 6 games to go, is hardly something to make you quiver in your boots. In fact, such chances are excellent opportunities for fighting talk - just now Southgate is talking about derailing Manchester United’s title march this weekend and recently Keegan talked about overtaking Tottenham in the league standings.

West Ham have a different approach to it - they’re going to stick their heads in the sand and hope that their opponents are too tired to beat them. The team in question are Portsmouth, who take on Championship side West Brom in the semi-finals at Wembley on Saturday before returning to Premier League action on Tuesday.

West Ham’s Lucas Neill on Portsmouth:

“Obviously all their focus will be on that FA Cup game. Maybe we can catch them off guard, on an off day where their focus is elsewhere.”

Home game Neill, HOME GAME. Middlesbrough are talking about beating United (a difference of 32 points) while West Ham are talking about hoping to catch Portsmouth on an off-day (difference of 9 points). I wonder where Middlesbrough would be with the money West Ham have.

For all I know West Ham could be feigning incompetence in order to stun Portsmouth when they travel to Upton Park, but some part of me doesn’t believe that. West Ham, like Tottenham, seem to have given up on their season which is a shame considering that they’ve done a lot better this season and keeping that momentum going would have helped them for next season as well.

All Premier League highlights for Sunday 30 March 2008:

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Gerry McDonnell returns with his weekly betting column on the English Premier League.

Marriage is like a chicken vindaloo, it’s something you have to try at least once, even though you know you’ll later regret it.

I experienced my seven-year itch quite early, it was on the honeymoon. Fortunately, my wandering eye didn’t lead to an act of betrayal, although I put that down to the fact that the barmaid was almost certainly a button-flicker.

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Gerry McDonnell returns with his weekly betting column on the English Premier League.

Even though I was brought up as a Catholic, I have never followed a spiritual path. I blame an over-zealous Priest for my descent into heresy; he was constantly on my back when I was young.

If my memory serves me correctly, Easter is a time to reflect upon the resurrection of Christ. It’s believed that after three days, He rose again. I don’t want to diminish the significance, but I’d fancy Pele to beat that. The Geordies believe that King Keegan is the one true Messiah; it would be sacrilegious not to back Newcastle at 10/11 against Fulham.

Jesus may have forgiven Robbie Keane for his petulant reaction to being substituted last weekend, but Juande Ramos was apoplectic. I have a lot of sympathy for Keane in this case; it’s an emotional time when you’re being pulled off. I’ll happily play with the even money for a Tottenham win over Portsmouth.

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“See I was supposed to be a footballer
but they kept pickin’ the other kid
who was a foot taller
I got lazy and less enthusiastic
I stopped trainin’ and turning up to matches
started sabotaging the manager’s tactics
but when I did play I used to score hat-tricks
then I gave up
now I’m in the music biz
and I wont ever let my laziness ruin this” (Kano – 9 to 5)

“I appreciate football because without football I wouldn’t have anything else” (Ince, interview with The Independent, 1998)

“I love tackling, love it. It’s better than sex”
(Ince in an interview from England’s World Cup training camp in France 1998)

In my article on Tony Mowbray, I noted that certain images of the West Brom manager during his ‘Boro days have crystallized in time to encapsulate a certain experience of the triumph of a working class club when sailing through rocky economic seas. Paul Ince is another such figure: more than a player, Ince is an icon. And it is indeed this iconic status that can be found both at the source of Ince’s considerable success and the root of the series of outlandish faux-pas that have plagued his career.

Ince’s story, like that of a number of footballers, presents an alternating amalgam of free-fall and tragic resistance in the face of significant social and economical adversity; his plot is that of the Hollywood protagonist teeter-tottering between good and evil and ending up going in for both.
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Gerry McDonnell returns with his weekly betting column on the English Premier League.

There’s life in the old dog…unfortunately

Like Wayne Rooney, I’m a lover of the old. I’m never happier than when some wrinkled old seaside-bungalow hogger is regaling me with tales of a bygone age.

If my old man is to be believed, and he’s not, football was completely different in the old days. Goals were celebrated by a handshake, an assault on a goalkeeper was practically encouraged and heading the ball led to a short stay in hospital, which was basically a shed with a sponge.

I’m unsure of the best way of handling the elderly when they reach such a constant state of dull reflection, but only a fool should rule out euthanasia. It looks like Avram Grant will soon be put out of his misery; Sunderland can lend a helping hand at 7/1.

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Like Martin Luther King and Gandhi, I’m a fan of passive resistance; but there are some things in life that we have to fight for. For me, it’s a baby’s smile, the love of a mute woman or more affordable prices at the petrol pump.

It’s to my deep and lasting regret that a serious injury prevented me from joining the military. I’ve been plagued with recurring back pain since childhood - it’s never easy growing up in Jersey.

Fortunately for the army, Prince Harry was able to stand up and fight for possible Grandmother and Country. His willingness to get his hands dirty shows real character; he’s stuck two fingers up to those who question Germany’s poor war record. Fulham’s recent record is at an equally unhealthy level; they’ve only one won of their last eighteen battles. Blackburn will take no prisoners at 11/20.

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Football fans all over England sat back in disbelief this week as the ruthless powers that be on the Football Association’s disciplinary panel voted against a refereeing decision and rescinded Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard’s red card…..Not!

Sarcasm aside the latest developments unfolding this week have only served to highlight the FA’s favouritism for the Premier League big boys in their decision-making policies. No wonder Middlesbrough chairman Steve Gibson is still probably sat seething in his office having openly admitted that he is ‘trying to make sense of it all’ when it comes to how the same governing body who so easily wiped Lampard’s three-game suspension away can uphold Boro striker Jeremie Aliadiere’s dismissal for a bit of slap and tickle with Liverpool’s Javier Mascherano a week earlier.

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I won’t mention anything about what happened to Arsenal’s Eduardo over the weekend, since it’s been talked about plenty already, but I send my get well wishes towards him, and hope he’s back scoring goals (but not against Manchester United) again as soon as possible.

It was a pretty important weekend of football in the Premier League, with the race for the title and for European places getting ever tighter as we edge towards the home stretch.

At the other end, the relegation battle is ongoing, and though it’s almost a given that Derby will be playing Championship football next term, several other sides are fighting to not join the Rams in the second level.

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We’re down to the last four games of the FA Cup and with smart money on Manchester United or Chelsea to win the Cup. While a United-Chelsea final still possible after they were drawn apart in the quarter-finals, fans would be hoping to avoid a repeat of last season’s tactical deadlock that was decided on one moment of brilliance (and the lack of video replays).

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See, I knew I shouldn’t have said anything about consecutive replay-less rounds.

There were only two FA Cup fifth-round ties to be played on Sunday, and one of them just had to go to a replay.

Sunday’s ties offered up the opportunity for two struggling Championship sides to get a big boost at the expense of top-flight sides, as Preston welcomed Portsmouth to Deepdale, and Sheffield United hosted Middlesbrough at Bramall Lane.

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When Jonathan Woodgate recently departed Middlesbrough for Tottenham in an £8million deal he could not help himself in having a pop, not only at his former boss Gareth Southgate, but the ambition of his hometown club.

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So the see-saw that is the Premier League lead has swung back the way of Arsenal again after they became the first side this season to leave the City of Manchester Stadium with three league points, whilst their North London neighbours Tottenham apologized for humiliating them in the Carling Cup last month by halting the Manchester Utd Globetrotters with a 1-1 draw at White Hart Lane - although the ungrateful souls among Gunners fans may still manage a grumble about Juande Ramos’ side conceding an equaliser with literally the last kick of the match, via a combination of Carlos Tevez & Michael Dawson.

Behind them, Chelsea lost ground in third place as Jermain Defoe’s debut goal for Portsmouth denied Avram Grant’s side a club-record tenth successive victory after Nicolas Anelka had picked up his first league goal for the Blues.

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In today’s video roundup we look at Sunday’s matches from the Premier League, the Serie A, La Liga and more.

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Call me old-fashioned, but i believe that fidelity remains the cornerstone of a successful relationship. I would never cheat on my wife, unless the opportunity arose.

I have serious doubts over my wife’s respect for monogamy. The word on the street is that Ashley Cole was physically sick while performing the horizontal 64-second jig, which fits in perfectly with the wife’s M.O.

I can’t condemn Cole too strongly, as he’s not the first man to hurl after munching on a late-night kebab. On reflection, he probably should have stuck with a sausage sandwich. A Chelsea draw against Pompey ticks all the right boxes at 5/2, and then cleans them with disinfectant.

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There was, as expected, plenty of deadline-day craziness, and while there are several deals to report, I’ll start by talking about the deal that didn’t happen, and one that did, at the same time.

With Manchester City coming in for Benjani, Portsmouth went about looking for a replacement, and found one in