Football In Film And TV
Recently I have been watching the re-runs of “Life on Mars” on BBC4. For me this is one of the best series created by the BBC in the last couple of years. However, this week’s episode was a big disappointment, probably the weakest episode of the entire two series.
What was wrong with it? Well, the episode was about a murder with an apparent football-related motive. So the police had to infiltrate a football fans’ pub to try and find the killer. Cue stereotypes of football hooligans whose unconvincing banter and behaviour just didn’t ring true.
This got me thinking about how badly football, in general, is done in films and on TV.
The worst of all is when they try to recreate a real match, no player ever seems to pass to a team mate in these scenes, and all you see usually is one star player dribbling the ball badly as defenders do everything they can to avoid tackling. For an actor, being a defender is a difficult job, you have to pretend you are trying to stop the opponent while making sure that you don’t. This is extremely difficult to pull off and explains why defenders generally look so incompetent in films.
If asked, a lot of people would say that “Escape to Victory” is the best ever film with football in it. This can surely only be explained by people’s joy at seeing something so shockingly bad. Football fans were delighted to see such poor acting from the likes of Pele, Bobby Moore, Ossie Ardiles and a bunch of Ipswich players including John Wark. Presumably Sylvester Stallone was chosen for the film to make the footballers appear better actors. Sly’s attempts to play football were brilliantly comic, and if you add to that the most ridiculous plot and escape plan you have a film that has almost reached cult status.
One scene that illustrates how bad the film was had Captain Robert Hatch, played by Stallone, discussing tactics with the team. Pele interrupts him, and taking the chalk says “Hatch gives me the ball here, I do this, this, this, this, goal” while drawing a line on the blackboard to indicate dribbling from one end of the pitch to the other.
Occassionally there is a decent football scene in a film. My favourite is the famous scene in “Kes” where Brian Glover plays the bullying sports master who captains one team and also referees. He awards himself a penalty after the most blatent of dives in the penalty area and then blasts home the penalty past a terrified goalie. What makes me laugh most is how he runs off to celebrate the goal as if he has won a cup final. Unfortunately, goal celebrations are usually done very poorly in films as the sponteneous joy of a goal is harder to fake than an orgasm.
The only other football scenes that spring to mind for positive reasons are the old age five-a-side game in Father Ted where Dougal is given the responsibility of guarding the corner flag, and the excellent animals’ match in Bedknobs and Broomsticks.
So, what do you think? Is football impossible to recreate convincingly for film? What’s your favourite football-related film, and what is your worst?
Nig writes at the Barca blog.
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Life on Mars is a good show.
Its on tonight here in Australia
What happens at the end of the series? Does Sam wake up in the hospital or is he trapped in the 70’s?
Goal was a terrible movie.
A kid from LA plays for Newcastle Utd then goes on to play for Real Madrid, Its so fake how it happens and is a feel good story, even though all Classic sports films are feel good ones.
Rocky? Mighty Ducks for some people, There all Cliche Feel good movies.
Goal is the worst and how FIFA Indorse it is unbelievable, And its telling kiddies if they ever become pro and are stuck with a shite team like Newcastle or such as soon as you get an offer to go to Manchester United or Real Madrid to fuckin take it!
Thats a load of shit…
My favourite..None, Well Mike Basset England Manager the movie was okay, the series was utter shit.
Another annoying movie was Theres only one Jimmy Grimble, What a load of crap Magic Boots (the boots are old BOOTS and are from the 50’s how cliche) but wait no! they werent magic, it was his feet the power was PFFT loada shite..
Sorry for the essay but I just had a lot of essay type homework!
kyle, its all about bend it like beckham, lol, but goal was good, havent seen the second yet but i plan to, then watch the third.
Kyle, Sam was always in the 70’s, he had a car crash and thought he came from the future.
Goal was an ok movie. Goal 2 is a piece of shit so i’d advise people not to watch it. Has even less football than the previous movie & a laughable final match scene. In fact, the whole of Goal 2 is just a PR stunt for Real Madrid as a football club. Its just sickening to watch & they do it at the expense of Arsenal! Hated every minute of it. I’m not going to watch Goal 3, unless i hear that Arsene Wenger has left Arsenal & i feel that things in life can’t get much worse than they already are.
As to good football movies, what about ‘The Arsenal Stadium Mystery’? Haven’t seen it but i’ve read its got a decent plot & some football scenes in it. Was made in 1939 so don’t know if its readily available nowadays.
What football needs is its own ‘Any Given Sunday’. That was an awesome piece of sporting drama with very well done action sequences. I don’t find American Football particularly intersting, but that movie had me engrossed from start to finish. Somebody call Oliver Stone & give him a script about Italian League football. Should be enough controversy in that to make his mouth water, LOL! None of the club players would need acting lessons.
Hey, if you really want to watch a sporting drama, go to Youtube & type in the search ‘World Cup Stories’. Whole features on each World Cup winning nation’s journeys (except Uruguay!). Seriously, better than any sports movie i’ve watched! Very well made - full of drama, excitement, camera angles we’ve never seen in the matches & great behind the scenes footage. Also has a very good narrative & commentary from the players & other experts on football.
Goal was an ok movie. Goal 2 is a piece of shit so i’d advise people not to watch it. Has even less football than the previous movie & a laughable final match scene. In fact, the whole of Goal 2 is just a PR stunt for Real Madrid as a football club. Its just sickening to watch & they do it at the expense of Arsenal! Hated every minute of it. I’d rather watch the Soccer Dog movies. I’m not going to watch Goal 3, unless i hear that Arsene Wenger has left Arsenal & i feel that things in life can’t get much worse than they already are.
As to good football movies, what about ‘The Arsenal Stadium Mystery’? Haven’t seen it but i’ve read its got a decent plot & some football scenes in it. Was made in 1939 so don’t know if its readily available nowadays.
What football needs is its own ‘Any Given Sunday’. That was an awesome piece of sporting drama with very well done action sequences. I don’t find American Football particularly intersting, but that movie had me engrossed from start to finish. Somebody call Oliver Stone & give him a script about Italian League football. Should be enough controversy in that to make his mouth water, LOL! None of the club players would need acting lessons.
Hey, if you really want to watch a sporting drama, go to Youtube & type in the search ‘World Cup Stories’. Whole features on each World Cup winning nation’s journeys (except Uruguay!). Seriously, better than any sports movie i’ve watched! Very well made - full of drama, excitement, camera angles we’ve never seen in the matches & great behind the scenes footage. Also has a very good narrative & commentary from the players & other experts on football.
Sorry about typing that shit twice. My internet connection was slow & my browser didn’t refresh properly so i wasn’t sure it got through the first time. Anyway, just to add - i searched Youtube again for the documentaries i was talking about & they’re not there anymore. They were made by the BBC so if anyone has seen a DVD or downloads of them please let me know.
Fever Pitch - Colin Firth is pretty decent in it - the book is an awesome read - looks at it from a fan’s point of view - how our life sometimes reflects how good or bad our team’s doing! Watch it or read it.
“The Arsenal Stadium Mystery” made about 1939/40 full of black and white nostalgia. You can pick up the DVD for under a tenner. Synopsis: Amateur football team The Trojans are about to face their toughest challenge yet - a charity match with Arsenal in front of a capacity crowd at Highbury Stadium. During the match, the Trojan’s star player - John Doyce (Anthony Bushell) - collapses and is pulled onto the sidelines. He is dead and it transpires that he has been poisoned. A recent addition to the Trojans, Doyce’s abrasive attitude gained him few friends, so there is both motive and suspects in abundance. Scotland Yard sends in the eccentric Inspector Slade (Leslie Banks) to get to the bottom of things and catch the culprit - and he has just three days to do it before it interferes with his theatre performance! Featuring Arsenal’s 1938 Championship side and their manager George Allison, the match recorded for this film was Arsenal vs Brentford Town - this was Arsenal’s last game before the outbreak of the Second World War in September 1939. This was a key early film for Thorold Dickinson, a hugely influential name in British cinema who would be made Britain’s first Professor of Film in 1967. Given this unique pedigree - coupled with a superbly eccentric performance from Leslie Banks - this film will appeal equally to both film buffs and football fans. This 35mm monochrome production has been digitally remastered to its original glory
But how come in the first episode of Life on Mars there was an iPod in his car?
And whatwas with the voices and the TV in the middle of the night?
Well yeah I do have some fave football movies.
Mike Basset England Manager was a good film, even though I watched it 2 or so years ago.
Purely Belter was a good movie too, the one about the two Newcastle Utd fans who have a crap life, and they get tickest to see a Sunderland game! They try to sell the ticket but decide to go to the Sunderland game anyway.
In the end they nick Alan Shearer’s “Fanny Wagon” (his sportscar) and one starts sniffing glue and the like..Good movbie though.
Being a Gooner id like to see The Arsenal Stadium Mystery, but digitally restored maybe it is a bit old..
My favourites are “Green Street Hooligans”, “A Shot at Glory” and “The Game of Their Lives”. Sure the mix of acting and football-action comes off as amateurish most of the time but I’m just happy that there are enjoyable football movies being made.
I pretty much agree with Kyle-AusGooner, you can’t make a proper football movie because the “action” scenes on the pitch are always unbelievable no matter how hard they try on the CGI department…
They should stick to cartoons when in comes to football, “Tsubasa” proves that
Try “Miracle of Bern” for a football film or (even better) Bostocks cup, you’ll laugh and laugh at that.
What about Shaolin Soccer? Pretty crappy imho.