Weekend Preview: Bow Down To Happy Gilmore
I’m all for good-natured banter at a football match, but supporters are beginning to overstep the line. Harry Redknapp commands respect from all the major players in the game, such as Frank Lampard and Jamie Redknapp, yet the colourful manager endured a torrent of vitriolic abuse when Portsmouth travelled to Aston Villa.
As the match slipped away from the Villans, the Holte End outrageously suggested that Harry had bunged the referee. That accusation is entirely without foundation: Harry prefers goods inwards to despatch.
The Villa fans went on to intimate that Harry enjoys the occasional stroke of the pink puppy. I wouldn’t criticise Redknapp even if this was true, as it’s an understandable reaction after Jamie.
A minority of supporters then disgracefully claimed that Harry would soon be behind bars, partaking in certain activities in the shower area. Not only does this slur completely contradict their earlier insinuation; it’s also downright offensive, and Harry will not be taking this lying down. We’ll all have red cheeks if we miss the 5/2 for a Tottenham win over Pompey.
The travelling Villa supporters will hopefully show a little more restraint when around Roy Keane, as his preferred method of conflict resolution does not involve complaining to selected media outlets. I’m spreading the word that 9/4 for a draw between Sunderland and the Villa looks pretty tasty.
When it comes to speaking to the BBC, Sam Allardyce is also a total blanker. The Beeb fought back on last week’s Match of the Day; they comically photoshopped a ridiculous woolly hat on his oversized head. I can’t wait to get my hands on the mammoth 6/4 for a Fulham win over Newcastle.
Team news is probably the single most important factor in betting, after recent form or a nod from Kieren Fallon, so I’ll wait for updates on Hleb, Flamini and Fabregas before taking an interest in the Arsenal v Chelsea match. Four of the last six Premier League meetings between the two giants have finished all square, so I’ll tentatively look towards the 9/4 for a draw at this early stage.
Birmingham City will definitely have to strengthen their squad in January, and with Alex McLeish at the helm, I expect there to be a strong Scottish connection. Two names that immediately spring to mind are Miller and Becks. There is a player nicknamed ‘Woodpecker’ who McLeish would love to sign, but he’s tied up at Chelsea. I’m definitely attached to the 5/4 for a Birmingham win over Reading.
Middlesbrough are a riddle, wrapped up in an enigma, shrouded in mystery, situated in a hole. I’m praying the Boro will produce their A-game against the outclassed Derby at a larger than expected 7/5.
Lee Bowyer is on the verge of a return to action after recovering from Gilmore’s groin. It was a genuine surprise to me; I thought he just had a tear of the adductor muscles. People should be falling over themselves to get on 15/8 for an Everton win over West Ham.
Dressing-room dissent is on the rise at Wigan. One senior player is already on Steve Bruce’s back, and that’s not a position I would like to see anyone in. The player, who wishes to remain anonymous, has suggested that Bruce is a long-ball merchant. Paul Scharner continued, “If we don’t change to playing football, then it will be very difficult.” The only thing attractive at the JJB this weekend is the 11/8 for a Blackburn win.
I watched in horror last weekend as Stephen Ireland committed what can only be described as a heinous crime: he appeared to be wearing a wig. Call me old fashioned, but toupees are only acceptable for the bald and the ginger.
Let’s be honest, if Ireland is using a piece, and it remains conjecture at this stage, it doesn’t make him any less of a man. Only wearing a pink jumper on a night out will result in any long-term loss of man-points. Bolton have won their last three at Manchester City, winning them all ‘to nil’. I refuse to cover up my interest in Megson’s men at 4/1.
Life is full of little coincidences. As Steven Gerrard was throwing himself to the ground in Marseille, his wife was getting turned over at home. There was also a burglary. I’m helping myself to the 13/8 for a Liverpool win over Manchester United.
I hope Stevie can recover from the trauma, as I need the influential Scouser to win the ‘battle of the inner-ear infections’ against Ronaldo to land the weekend accer. Birmingham, Middlesbrough, Tottenham and Liverpool are the selections, the payout is an increasingly plummeting 45/1.
Your Weekend Predictions:
Copy-paste the list below and add your predictions in the comments.
Birmingham City v Reading
Derby County v Middlesbrough
Manchester City v Bolton
Portsmouth v Tottenham
Sunderland v Aston Villa
West Ham v Everton
Wigan v Blackburn
Fulham v Newcastle United
Liverpool v Manchester United
Arsenal v Chelsea
- Van Persie: Manchester United are bigger threat to Arsenal than Chelsea or Liverpool
- Chelsea’s financial figures more than welcome
- Who’d Be An England Manager?
- Roy Keane: the Great Player transforms into the Great Manager
- SHOCK! HORROR! Ronaldo signs 5-yr contract for Manchester United at LESS than 140k/wk
Discussion - 17 Responses
Add Your Comment
Comments are moderated (our comments policy).
Birmingham City v Reading - Brum to win
Derby County v Middlesbrough - Boro to win
Manchester City v Bolton - Man City
Portsmouth v Tottenham - Pompey
Sunderland v Aston Villa - Sunderland could surprise us, but a draw in my books
West Ham v Everton - Everton can make it two out of two, but I think West Ham will win
Wigan v Blackburn - Blackurn
Fulham v Newcastle United - Newcastle, of course (haha)
Liverpool v Manchester United - United
Arsenal v Chelsea - draw
no guesses for the team the author supports —–THE SCOUSERS!!!!!… u’ll surely lose i tell ya
Actually he’s reporting on betting odds, bias hardly comes into this.
Birmingham City 2-1 Reading
Derby County 0-3 Middlesbrough
Manchester City 2-2 Bolton
Portsmouth 0-0 Tottenham
Sunderland 0-1 Aston Villa
West Ham 1-2 Everton
Wigan 2-4 Blackburn
Fulham 3-2 Newcastle United
Liverpool 1-2 Manchester United (Makes me cringe)
Arsenal 2-1 Chelsea (But a loss will piss me off)
Gerrard truly hates Ronaldo after what he did to england dont he
so ive worked out this equation.
if
Ronaldo + Gattuso = A Nightmare for Ronaldo.
Gerrard + Gattuso = Kittens and Rainbows.
I wonder what Gerrard + Ronaldo = ? find out on sunday
I hope Stevey left some of those tackles in marsielle for anderson
and i hope its ferdinand and not vidic who is up agaisnt Torres
Liverpool Fan - Ferdinand can handle Torres, you’d better hope someone leaves T unmarked
Gerrard would get bothered with ronaldo.anderson is who hel be looking out for
Anderson will command Anfield like he commanded the Emirates and will dominate Gerrard like he dominated Fabregas.
Ferdinand is below average SAF knows that it needs to be vidic agaisnt a world class striker
Birmingham City v Reading reading to win
Derby County v Middlesbrough boro 2 win
Manchester City v Bolton city 2 win
Portsmouth v Tottenham pompey to thrash spurs
Sunderland v Aston Villa villa 2 ease past sunderlan
West Ham v Everton draw
Wigan v Blackburn rovers 2 win
Fulham v Newcastle United draw
Liverpool v Manchester United liverpool 2 win narrowly
Arsenal v Chelsea with 1 or more of fabregas hleb or flamin arsenal win w/o all of dem draw
see now you’re just babbling - Rio’s better than Terry..oh wait, that still doesn’t make him world class. Hmmm, I’ll have to think about this
Vidic is quite something though.
Yeh vidic is amazing i can agree on that. my hate for Ferdinand might have something to do with England not qualifying for the euro 2008?
Birmingham City (1) v (2) Reading - after liverpool performance they’ll win here
Derby County (0) v (3) Middlesbrough - easy win for boro
Manchester City (2) v (2) Bolton - man city have been good but bolton on the way up
Portsmouth (3) v (2) Tottenham - pompey are top class and spurs arent quite good enough yet this season
Sunderland (2) v (3) Aston Villa - villa will be too strong with Agbonlahor Carew and Young
West Ham (3) v (3) Everton - will be good game, both in good form
Wigan (1) v (3) Blackburn - feel sorry for wigan its not happening at moment for them and after blackburns bad run i can see them out playing wigan
Fulham (2) v (1) Newcastle United - same situation as wigan i think fulham are in but newcastle are stuggling a bit themselves so fulham just to edge it
Liverpool (0) v (2) Manchester United - United to get goal in first half and finish it off in last 10 minutes while liverpool are on the attack (as long as Gerrard and Torres dont have a good game this is, as i feel they are capable of unlocking any teams defence)
Arsenal (1) v (1) Chelsea - Chelsea going good under Avram Grant and Arsenal as we all know having a good season except for last weekend, another draw here i think
“Anderson will command Anfield like he commanded the Emirates and will dominate Gerrard like he dominated Fabregas.”
Anderson dominated Fabregas yet allowed the Spaniard to Score and get into the 6 yard box on every attack? Are you shitting me, you mancs need to stop overrating Anderson, the guy is good and has shown his worth, but he is no Fabregas.
Birmingham City v Reading - B’ham
Derby County v Middlesbrough - Boro
Manchester City v Bolton - City
Portsmouth v Tottenham - Pompy
Sunderland v Aston Villa - Villa
West Ham v Everton - Draw
Wigan v Blackburn - B’burn
Fulham v Newcastle United - Fulham win or draw
Liverpool v Manchester United - Utd though it hurts to say
Arsenal v Chelsea - Arsenal
arsenal is the greatist team in the world if u dont like them ur crazy