Abramovich: “Chelsea is bigger than Mourinho, I love Chelsea fans”

Roman Abramovich has finally spoken – and his first interview revealed Chelsea secrets and a surprisingly warm affection for Chelsea fans.

Abramovich talked about Chelsea’s future, Manchester United’s challenge and how him and Mourinho get along.

Abramovich (on Chelsea):

“I think Chelsea has a very bright future – we have the best players, the best coaching staff, the best scouts, and yes, the best fans.

We are, quite simply, the best club in football today.

You can’t put a price tag on it.

Clubs that talk about beautiful football, Champions League heritage or fan base don’t realise that all these things are nothing compared to what Chelsea can achieve.

I will personally see to it that Chelsea will play more attractive football than Arsenal, win more Champions League and Premiership titles than Liverpool and be a bigger club than Manchester United, Real Madrid or Barcelona.”

On Manchester United’s challenge:

“You know, some days I think that I should just have bought Manchester United and made life easier for me.

Ok, ok, I’m just joking.

I don’t think United have the players to beat us consistently.

Plus I can always buy Ronaldo and Ferguson.

Kidding, kidding :)”

On Jose Mourinho:

“I can’t swear, can I?

Mourinho is a good manager, but he’s too full of himself. He has to realise, and so do the media and the fans, that Chelsea is bigger than Mourinho.

I’ll repeat:

Chelsea is BIGGER than Mourinho.

You hear that Jose?

I can’t have coaches starting mutinies against me. When Terry goes to Mourinho and tells him he won’t sign a new contract if Mourinho isn’t around next season, you know what I feel like doing? I throw more money at Terry and tell Mourinho to fuck off.

It’s extortion, and I won’t have it.

Mourinho should be very careful, he knows where I’m from and what I can do.”

On Shevchenko, Shaun Wright-Phillips and Michael Ballack

“Ok, so I was playing fantasy football. You can’t blame me for doing that will my billions, can you?”

On Chelsea fans:

“You probably don’t know this, but Chelsea fans are the best in the world. They cheer me wherever I go, and it’s amazing to see the level of support.

I also love the celery rhyme – it’s unfortunate that we had to ban a couple of fans but you know how Wenger gets when he starts bleating about his players, I had to stop his whinging.

Don’t worry though, there’s no real ban, it’s just a fake ban.

But where was I? Yes, the fans. I love them, absolutely love them. They give me – how do you say it in English? – great pleasure.

It’s unfortunate that I had to choose my fans over my wife, but what can you do? I’m a businessman and it’s a numbers game.

If you’re a rich club owner you get a lot of free booty. I just used the spare money that I was saving to pay her off and enjoy my Chelsea fans without any problems. It’s a win-win situation for me.”

On Soccerlens:

“I’ll pay you $1m if you start writing only about Chelsea.


$2m? $5m? Name your price. I’ll throw in a few Chelsea fans too.”

Mr. Abramovich, I’ll think about it, I assure you the offer is very tempting and perhaps too good to pass upon. Thank you for your time.

Disclaimer: April Fool! 🙂 Nothing in the above news item should be considered truthful, as it is all a figment of the author’s imagination. To comment on this item, to offer your views on this ‘prank’ or to read more April Fool stories, please visit the official April Fools page on Soccerlens.

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