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7 Reasons Why Americans Suck At Soccer

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The world’s greatest nation is surprisingly mediocre when it comes to playing the world’s most popular sport. It’s not that they keep losing – far from it. Americans have a winning mentality that automatically ensures that whatever team they put out will be competitive.

However, when it comes to genuine footballing talent, the US are found wanting. Many people have blamed this in poor infrastructure, training methods and the short period of time that proper club football has been around in the US. I disagree – these might be symptoms of a country that doesn’t generate footballing talent but when you consider the sporting talent in general that the US has produced over the years it’s clear that there’s something else at hand here.

Personally, I put it down as a cultural issue – Americans by and large just don’t care about football. Sure, there are fans here and there, but compared to a nation like Spain or Italy, the US as a people do not value soccer, they don’t respect the game and there’s very little cultural love for it.

So here are 7 cultural reasons why Americans have no real talent for soccer:

1. No Hands

The most popular American sports – basketball, baseball, American football, ice hockey, golf – primarily involve the use of hands / upper body to compete in. In fact, you could argue that feet are only for mobility (only American football allows for kicking, and that too is best done long-range).

Now if you drop a sport like soccer – all feet, some head and no hands – it’s like asking someone to walk on their hands instead of their feet. It’s not easy to switch around to compeletely different way of playing a sport.

This is the primary reason why when you see the MLS, the terms ‘long-ball’ and ‘headless chicken’ come to mind.

2. Ridiculous Name

Soccer? Seriously? The biggest obstacle to soccer’s popularity in the US may well be its name. You can’t have two sports by the same name, unless you want to see Eddie Johnson pick up the ball and then do his customary dash up the pitch and then look around all confused as opposition defenders pile up on him.

Soccer. Sawker. I feel dumber just saying it. It’s called football, and unless the American people learn to call it by it’s real name (come to think of it, Australians have their Australian Rules footy and they still call the beautiful game football), it’s not going to be successful.

3. No Breaks

Who in the world thought of a 90-minute game that only took one break, and that too after 45 minutes? The American public is used to a quick break every 5 minutes, if not sooner. Basketball has its quarters. Baseball has its regular breaks with batters coming in and going out. American football is a stop-start game. In golf you hit a ball a couple of hundred yards and then you walk towards it (the game is a candidate for the most retarded sport ever award).

On the other hand, soccer has a natural ebb and flow to it that no American sport can match.

Americans have been bred on small, easily digestible segments of everything – sport, news, knowledge, etc. It’s a cultural effort to make low concentration levels a standard across the country. It’s also why the typical American watching soccer feels the inevitable urge to flip to another channel and watch commercials every 5 minutes.

This is why you see US goalkeepers do so well – they thrive in the stop-start nature of a goalie’s involvement in the game.

4. They Hate It

They didn’t create it, and they’re not very good at it. Either one would have been enough to foster some passion for the sport, but since there are so many countries in the world that are better than the US at soccer, the American people have little interest.

And it makes sense too – why follow something in which your side keeps losing? After being subjected to a lifetime of doctored news and world views, this sudden brush with reality is overwhelming for the average American psyche and they do what any American would do when faced with something they don’t know – they turn their back to it.

Ironically this disdain for soccer makes it more difficult for the sport to take off in the country – a vicious cycle.

5. No One Likes The Americans

Usually, when there’s someone in your family who’s not as good at a sport as you are, you tend to try and help them out so that they can get better and (hopefully) provide more of a challenge to you later on.

At least that’s what I’ve seen.

With the US though, the rest of the world isn’t so kind. We’ve made it acceptable to make fun of US soccer instead of going there and investing in the sport in America. We’ve made it acceptable to mock them instead of training them and coaching them.

That’s why when someone like David Beckham – an excellent businessman – goes to the US to invest in soccer, the world laughs at him. Would you laugh at Bill Gates if he invested in a new technology startup? People would scramble to get involved. The world doesn’t take Americans seriously, and soccer is worse off as a result.

6. It’s Illegal To Cheat

Did you know that American sports in general do not follow WADA rules? That the use of performance-enhancing drugs is not strictly regulated in US sports? The World Anti-Doping Agency has strict regulations that almost all sports adhere to, especially soccer with it’s spot drug testing and what not. American sports, on the other hand, play by their own rules, which is a nice way to say that American sports feature more drug abuse than more global sports.

In some cases, having a global authority making sure that you follow certain standards is a good thing.

But hey, what’s the point of playing a sport when you can’t pump yourself with drugs to make you faster / stronger? If you can’t cheat, why play?

7. No Cheerleaders

In all honesty this is where I agree with the Americans. Soccer needs cheerleaders like one needs a glass of cold water on a hot day. As we’ve discussed before on Soccerlens, cheerleaders can stop hooliganism, provide suitable pitch-side (or on-TV) distractions when the game itself gets a little tedious and once you give each club their own cheerleading squad, there’s a whole new set of rivalries to play upon for the advertisers.

Plus if there’s no porn, how can a genuine American sports fan enjoy the game? Without cheerleaders soccer just isn’t manly enough. It’s blasphemous.

So there you have it – 7 reasons why American society is setup to undermine the soccer’s success in the US. Let us know what you think in the comments (or on your blog).

Comments (252)

  1. Another reason might be that you just can’t have commercial breaks in the playing time (but that might tie into the break thing). Thus, it can’t be commercially successful, and the game fails.

  2. I agree with most of the article, but three of the points stood out of my mine as ridiculous and down right idiotic. Lets start with point number 2, yes I agree that it should be called football but since we already have our most popular sport called football and even Canadians and Europeans are getting into it, the name soccer must stand. If you can think of a better name to call Soccer then be my guest and suggest one, we will never change American Footballs name due to its popularity. On point number 4 we as Americans don’t hate the sport, we just don’t care for it as much as the rest of the world that plays it. Maybe its lack of awareness, maybe its due to the fact that we as Americans have atleast 5 different sports (Basketball, Baseball, Football, Hockey, Soccer, and Nascar) to watch and admire, some of those other countries that play soccer ONLY play soccer and nothing else. Besides as time goes on there is gonna be more and more countries playing American Football just like baseball, basketball, and Hockey and soon there will be a world tournament to help promote the sport. I growing up as a big American Football Fan and Player (I also like Basketball, baseball, hockey) am getting back to my italian roots and my new found Portuguese and Latino friends, in Perth Amboy, NJ in an area dominated by a latino community, am getting back into the game of world soccer. In 2002 and since then I root my Italian national team, its hard to get into the clubs because not alot of soccer is shown on American TV but am still trying. This last point pissed me off, point number 6. Americans have to cheat to play any sport are you kidding me??? We have cracked down on illegal use of any performance enhancing drugs in all sports. We don’t need a corrupt world organization to tell us how to police ourselves, we as Americans take pride in the fact that we can do this all on our own. Yes we have had problems with it in the past, but as time goes on the games are getting cleaner and cleaner. Trust me on this, if we took Soccer as seriously as my home country Italy or Spain then we would be the Power House in the sport and other countries would fear us. I do agree on all the other points, I do believe that other countries hate us and won’t help us because its the ONLY thing that they have that is better than us, Yes making a transition from using our hands to primarily your feet is a big step, I don’t really agree with the fact that we need to take breaks but i won’t argue that point. In conclusion I think you need to reconsider those three points and revise this biased story.

  3. loool good one the only wrong piont is the soccer one because i can understand americans would call it a different name after all it doesnt make sense to have 2 sports which are called football plus in australia we call it soccer aswell so that piont is piontless as we have our own football as you said which is not played by anyone in the world expect for us aussies probley no one has heard of it.

    cheers

  4. One important point missing here. Soccer has a ridiculous amount of flopping. I thought American Basketball was getting bad, but the two World Cups and the European Championships had much more of that crap. It is just not right when a sport is set up so that a team is rewarded when a player pretends to be hurt, or fakes being fouled.
    American Football is our sport because it fits our mentality- it’s 5 seconds of violence followed by a committee meeting.

  5. Totally agree with all this… Nice post mate

  6. Hardy har har… Going for cheap reactions from the american soccer fans who live their lives on the internet?

    Yes you can cheat in Football. It’s called diving, and it’s a problem that is long overdue in dealing with.

    Soccer is a British word, the Yanks didn’t invent it. I’m often reminded of that when I watch Gillett Soccer Saturday on Sky or walk by the Soccer Scene on Carnaby Street in London.

    At least the Yanks have beaten Portugal in a major tournament in recent memory.

  7. Speaking as a Canadian I have to admit I don’t like Americans either really. I call football football not soccer. The only other reason I can think of is England exporting gay rockstar footy fans like Rod Stewart definitely isn’t working for football. Of course Bowie moved to Australia and wrote “I’m afraid of Americans”. Pussy in cars and sipping on Coke the American way.

  8. some view:

    Point (1) “No Hands”….you could argue that 95% of the sports in the world require the use of a sportsman’s hand more than their feet, so its not just people playing american sports have to adjust to.

    Point(2) “No Breaks”. i think this is a good thing. teh world is a busier place and we all have less time because we work longer hours, ferry our kids around etc. One of the benifits of soccer is that a game only lasts 90 minutes + 15 mins of break. This means we can easily fit in a game after work without the grief of thinking its going to finish so late at night.

    Lastly, american’s always go on about how they have other sports that compete with soccer and take away athletes, but this also occurs in other countriies! England primaray sport is soccer and they are ok at it, but they also play cricket (ok at that), rugby union (were world champions), rugby league (ok at that). Australia also has 3 sports competing with soccer. Other european countries are mainly soccer based, but do have other sports like cycling, basketball & athletics.

  9. No cheating? Please. What about Jack Warner, Seth Blatter, Calcio, Juventus and so on….

    The Mexican Leagues have Cheerleaders.

    Do some research bro…

  10. As a general sports fan living in the US, there are a few points i don’t agree with. point number 2 is bogus. I admire the European way of doing things (politics, football, etc) but when i attempt to call it football in America, people get confused, so i don’t.

    point number 4 i also disagree with. Ignorant americans might assume we are the best at everything and therefore be turned away by the fact that we aren’t in soccer, but then there are people that care who are making an effort to fix it. I work at a soccer complex in an impoverished neighborhood in Baltimore teaching kids soccer. There are some of us, many of us in fact who are trying to change the soccer landscape.

    point six is just wrong. The only sport in which there’s been cheating in america is baseball but its been handled finally and we are past it now. football hockey and nba dont have steroid issues and neither does soccer. Also, the only honest non steroid user in cycling is an american and he happened to win the tour de france seven straight times. Never used drugs.

    Cheerleaders are essential for the casual watcher, but quite annoying for the serious fan. It truly is a double edged sword. casual fans need every incentive to come the games but the serious rain or shine fans think they’re distracting. I tend to like them even though i would consider myself a hardcore fan, who doesn’t like to look at some beautiful ladies during a particularly bad game.

    point 5 is accurate but that will be changing very soon. A nation with 300,000,000 people has a lot to offer if soccer becomes a widespread sport. Many British teams have recognized the potential of American Soccer and have already invested in teams and academies here. One of my local teams, Crystal Palace FC is directly tied to one in Britain. They even send players back and forth and play each other once a year. They also have an academy which develops young players, some of them which have made it to the full team. As you recently saw, Chelsea just invested in developing American soccer so purely as a business thing, it makes sense and europeans will come to help us because of our great potential and the gems they might find while helping us develop.

    Americans also aren’t as good because in the urban areas, people play football and basketball. If you switched half of those children to soccer, we would be a footballing power. US soccer is a suburban game and many of the best athletes don’t get a chance to play it because they are dreaming of the nba. salaries also need to be at a point where a poor child can say, “i’m gonna get rich out of playing soccer” That doesn’t happen because the salaries in MLS aren’t competitive with NBA NFL MLB NHL. There is a lot to be done but if I know Americans, we can do it. In 20 years I think we will win a world cup.

  11. By cheating I specifically meant drug abuse.

  12. I’ve got to agree with you on point 2. Okay, I’ll admit that it’s confusing to have two sports with the same name. But how can a game played primarily using the feet not be called football when another one that doesn’t use the feet so much (except for running) is called football. That’s even more confusing.

  13. I think a lot of this cultural analysis is fine, but it doesn’t get to the point of why Americans don’t show the same flair and creativity as the rest of the world.

    American players, in general, disappear near the penalty area and resort to random crosses. Americans may dribble at people in youth games, but at the highest level here (MLS, National Team), it’s rare to see a player with one-on-one skill penetrate the penalty area by taking people on. I don’t see the creativity and confidence I see in good international players from South America and Europe, especially the southern countries.

    America lacks creative and skillful central midfielders. Our supposed best was Claudio Reyna. Claudio Reyna? A nice player, I suppose, but not a creator who sees the field and has a true attacking mentality. Landon Donovan has been criticized as being too soft to have made it in Germany, but domestidcally he has shown signs of running at people, having good vision and providing pinpoint service to open players.

    But I think the real hope at the present is Freddy Adu. Overhyped, overpublicized, etc., he somehow survived all that and had the courage to go to a strong club in Portugal. In recent World Cup qualifying and friendlies, he’s shown the dribbling skill he always had plus a new side — the creator and distributor. He’s no longer the selfish dazzler and egotist, but a spark on offense and a hustling player on defense.

    The others:

    Eddie Johnson — a joke and no feel for the game.
    Clint Dempsey — sparks of potential, but the jury’s still out.

    America needs more of the Latin influence, one-on-one skill and flair, and less of the stolid German style of play.

    That’s where Soccer Lens’ cultural points come into play. Look at the creative basketball point guards we’ve produced and the elusive football running backs. If African Americans grow to see earning potential and cultural affirmation in the World’s Game, America will join football’s elite. We have a huge Hispanic population, which is a positive thing for our footballing future. The culture and passion is there for the Hispanics and the hope is that our Anglo-Saxon regimented training methods won’t stifle the creativity.

  14. What kills me is that Americans like “fat” sports like Baseball…Americans in general want to lay back, eat, watch commercials and watch an over weight baseball player chew and spit….

    That is why SOCCER will never take off with the americans

  15. This article basically shows more of an anti-American attitude than an insightful understanding of why Americans “suck” at football, or whatever you want to call the game.

    There are two very real reasons why the US is so far behind the rest of much of the world when it comes to football:
    – Top youth athletes in the US have always been pushed to play basketball, (gridiron) football, or baseball. The talent pool of younger footballers is basically the second-tier of athletic talent. This is evident in the fact that many of the US National Team’s players are smaller. The US Women’s team has been a top team for the past few decades because the top female athletes in the country are playing football. If even a minor percentage of youth that opt for basketball, particularly in the urban areas, focused on football there would be a much larger pool of talent.

    _Secondly, the US is a television society! Yet Americans have only had quality access to football on TV for the past ten or so years. They just don’t know quality football when they see it, although that is changing slowly. I have been amazed at the number of people who got into the recent Euro tournament.

    As an example, I was evaluating a few youth programs last summer in England as part of a coaching exchange program. Together with a few Brasilian coaches, we noticed how well-structured the players were, how well they understood the tactics and positional play, even though they were 12 year-olds. However, it was also plainly evident that their fitness levels were atrocious, half of them were blatantly overweight, and we saw one 14 year old smoking a butt at half-time! Comparably, American youth players are in much better shape, they just don’t yet have an understanding of the technical aspects of the game.

    Things are changing in the States when it comes to football, slowly but surely. I am a Brit now living and coaching in California. Parks in the USA are bustling with activity, I hate to say this, but there is way more youth football being played in the US than there is in Britain. I don’t believe the US will become a powerhouse in football anytime too soon, but things are changing, and, I think it is high time British football enthusiasts gave some credit to “American football” and what they are trying to do.

  16. man what an idiotic article. your “points” are juvenile and poorly thought out. i’m not american and i can’t stand watching the MLS but man, you’re article is just asinine.

    1. are you seriously suggesting that because there isn’t the use of hands americans are bad at the sport? they aren’t really that bad afterall, they can give any team a run for their money and have progressed quite a bit in the last 20 years. sure some of the best imports america has to offer are keepers (which they produce on a production line almost) but they also have many promising young players and that trend is only going to continue i think. plus look at all the european nations that play sports like cricket, basketball, handball…

    2. wow… i actually can’t believe you brought this up. are you this juvenile? the name soccer was created in ENGLAND, short for association football. so is it really the american’s fault that they are using a name for a game that was originally invented by the people that created the modern game? american football is a stupid sport, no doubt about that… but saying that americans suck at footie because they call it something different than most of the world (italians call it calcio, do they suck?) is simply not a debatable point. what a waste of time.

    3. ok.. so what does the no breaks have to do with them sucking at it? this entire point is based on the fans. again, juvenile point that has nothing to do with your argument.

    4. they hate it? are you serious? there are millions of people that love and are dedicated to football in the US, the problem is that there are established sports (many of them) that have 90% of the population’s imaginations totally captured.. and one of them is NASCAR (horrible). that is the real problem, yet they can still draw from a talent pool many millions bigger than many countries that compete in the world cup, euros or copa america. they do afterall have a rather large population. so again, i wonder.. what the hell does “they hate it” have ANYTHING to do with them supposedly sucking at the sport. idiotic argument proven yet again.

    5. WOW… you are ridiculous. the mexicans take americans pretty damn seriously when they play them, its become one of the most heated rivalries in the americas. this is getting boring… what does that have to do with them sucking?! nothing.

    6. this point is almost the dumbest one you’ve made so far. are you suggesting that because they cannot use steroids or other drugs that they can’t compete properly? i don’t get it, your argument here doesn’t really say anything at all. without trying to dissect your inept attempts at making a point, i will draw your attention to the many allegations of italians using performance enhancing drugs in serie A and other places in the world. if you are so naive in thinking that the USA is the only place where steroids are used in sport you better wake the hell up. the internet is a helluva place when you are subjected to garbage writing like this with absolutely nothing more than a misguided opinion backing it up instead of 5 minutes of research which would have disproved everything you’ve said.

    7. i’m not even going to comment on this point.

  17. “Soccer. Sawker. I feel dumber just saying it. It’s called football….”

    Anyone find it idiotic and ironic that the author of this ‘article’ dislikes using the word ‘soccer’ and yet its in the name of the site he created? he is a smart one indeed.

    If he wasn’t so busy reaching for cheap analogies to put down americans, he would have realized how dumb this makes him look. He would’ve noticed the full bars and restaurants with euro08 games being shown. He would’ve possibly admired all the innercity and suburb enthusiasm for futball.

    I have no sympathies with america or the moronic average american voter, but keep your political feeling and futball separate. You are bitter, and dont like american foreign policy, so you put this out? Im not sure if you were trying to be funny, or you actually believe what you wrote.

    If the latter is the case, then you have no understanding, not even the basic fundamentals of economics. Let me spell it out for you like a child. When you have large, multi billion dollar sports, about 5 of them competing against futball, who is going to win out? Yes, the ones that have been there for decades and are well entwined with the corporate sector. But i doubt you’d understand that being that you are in pakistan worshiping english football, and european politics when many western european countries, with holding britian, are modeled after the american system, especially post wwii. The EU is another clone of the UN which we all know (barring maybe mr. bilal) was created heavily to serve american agenda following the dismantling of its early 20th century predecessor.

    But all this is neither here nor there. You decided to let slip your disdain for america, which is fine, but it disgusts me to no end when you put it in the context of a futball website. Dont try to mix oil and water. Oil being the muck of your personal politics with the purity of water that is the universal sport of futball. We are all fans of the game here, whether yellow, white, brown, black or purple, whether from Asia, Europe, Africa or Antarctica. Too bad you decided to go against that thought and pull a trick from the biased news media you make fun of in america. Heard of fox or sky news? This garbage i just read comes right out of their journalism playbook.

    For your information, as you seem so desperately misinformed, Soccer is not nor will it ever be an american word, as it was not created there, merely derived. Blame the english, but i doubt you want to do that to a country that is in bed with the america you so dearly despise. A country whose over reaching empire massacred your people, but you wouldn’t want to criticize them now would you? Of course not, its just not the sexy thing do when everyone else is on the hate america bandwagon. Hey, maybe if you put that out of your mind for a few seconds, you could pull off a half legible amateurish blurb here with even a slight semblance of relevant futball news in it.

  18. rahoul – good to see that you can argue so passionately and with reason too. now if you only understood satire. You can say that it’s not funny and I won’t disagree with you (you don’t seem to be in the mood for a laugh anyway), but it’s a tad bit sad to see that you spent so much energy without grasping the real meaning of the article.

    But since you said all of that…

    1) the theory is that a predominance of hand-biased sports is an obstacle to football’s success in the US. Football in Europe has had a lot more time and when it was introduced there was a lot less commercial competition, hence easier for a sport to surmount such an obstacle. Now it’s not that easy, and the hand-bias makes it harder.

    2) Soccer is a term adopted by the official US football authorities. It doesn’t matter who started it – what matters is who uses it.

    3) Yea, if fans don’t have an interest, then there are fewer commercial opportunities hence less commercial backing in comparison to other sports. Read the first comments.

    4) I’ve seen wide-ranging opinions from hate to ridicule to ‘wtf is sawker’. Your argument of ‘millions’ is misleading – there are hundreds of millions of people in the US who are NOT soccer fans. The rest of the point? See the above point on satire.

    5) I’m sure everyone takes the US seriously when they play them on the field. The point had to do with European football investing into grassroots football in the US with a view towards improving the game (as opposed to just milking it for leverage / profits). I guess you didn’t score high in comprehension?

    6) Again, satire. By the way, my 5 minutes of research made me certain that US sports do NOT follow WADA regulations while FIFA does. There are allegations everywhere, the point remains that control over drug-usage in US sports is lax compared to FIFA-governed competitions.

    7) Good, because it was again tongue-in-cheek and I was getting tired of telling you to read the bloody dictionary.

    So….what did you learn today?

    1) Insults lead you nowhere.
    2) Comprehension is not your strong suit.
    3) You need to learn what satire and tongue-in-cheek is.
    4) You probably even need to go out and get some fresh air and stop getting pissed off at a guy who wrote something on a site on the Internet.
    5) Insults, once again, lead you nowhere. Especially if they’re not backed up by intelligence.

    Cheerio…

    …someone complained about the use of the word ‘soccer’. That’s deliberate. Figure out why and you get a prize.

  19. Ah, there he is.

    Al – no personal politics here, although I did take perverse pleasure in mixing some cliched claims about the US society with my own ‘light’ analysis of the situation.

    Wow. Full bars. I AM impressed.

    Let me spell it out for you like a child.

    Yes, you did a very good impression…

    And since you got personal (which I think is only fair given that they don’t teach satire in US schools)… my politics are neither pro-Europe nor pro-US, nor do I worship European football / politics. And my understanding of the fundaments of economics and business AND international politics – both basic and complex is quite sound. Not so keen on microeconomics but I could debate foreign and economic policies with you all day as long as you tried to understand what I was saying instead of jumping in with your hallucinations.

    When you have large, multi billion dollar sports, about 5 of them competing against futball, who is going to win out? Yes, the ones that have been there for decades and are well entwined with the corporate sector.

    I thought this was too obvious, so I played upon cultural reasons. But I now understand that Americans need to be reminded of this revelation every day lest they forget and have an important argument on the Internet, like this one.

    Sidebar on politics – how do you propose that the EU serves the Amiercan agenda? NATO maybe but the EU? Do enlighten us…

  20. so now you claim your article is a satirical piece on americans sucking at soccer…

    i believe that is called ‘backpedalling’… and even if i were to take this at face value and accept your labelling of your article as satire. it is poorly written satire at best, satire involves wit to show the ineptitude of the topic at hand, you showed none. you just made me never want to read an article by you ever again if you think that posting such a poorly edited and thought out piece is acceptable.

    just realize you wrote a weak article with weak backup and many others besides my self have been thoroughly annoyed by your words.

    you did a poor job of making your point. end of story.

    oh and regarding insults.. you insulted everyone who read this article by posting it in the first place AND you managed to insult everyone in the american soccer community. i am no cheerleader for the americans, quite the opposite.. i want them to lose pretty much everytime i watch them, but that doesn’t mean i don’t see the progress in their football.

  21. As an American, I definitely agree that we lack the attention span to appreciate soccer- er- football. We’re definitely conditioned to a certain style of play, and the buildup and flow of soccer doesn’t lend itself well to American fans.

    Additionally, American fans have become accustomed to the fantasy sports culture. Soccer doesn’t have a whole lot of statistics for individual players. As such, a player like Roy Keane, who was perhaps the most important player for Manchester United during their treble run, wouldn’t necessarily be recognized as such by American fans because he didn’t score goals. It’s why MLS had to go to great lengths to assure its fans that just because Beckham wasn’t a goal scorer, it didn’t mean that he wasn’t a great player. It also explains why someone like Blanco has taken MLS by storm while a defensive-minded player like Reyna is seen as a flop. It’s why Ronaldo (the overweight striker from Brazil, not Cristiano) would be perfect for MLS. Plus, if he ended up with Red Bull New York, then he could take advantage of all the tranny prostitutes the Big Apple has to offer.

    I disagree about the cheating comment. Cheating is not unique to American sports. Look at bike racing. The biggest scandals in bike racing (other than Floyd Landis) have involved European racers like Jan Ullrich, the Festina team, and the Operation Puerto case, to name a few. Additionally, one need only take a look at the East German swim team and Ben Johnson to know that there have been plenty of doping scandals in the Olympics that didn’t involve anyone connected to BALCO. Even in soccer, the biggest doping scandal in recent years involved Diego Maradona at the 94 World Cup. There haven’t been many other doping scandals in soccer, but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. You can’t just go with drug test results. After all, Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens never failed a single steroids test during their entire careers. That doesn’t mean that they were clean.

    I always wondered why there weren’t any cheerleaders.

  22. Meh, some teams in the MLS (dynamo, to be specific), due have their own cheerleaders. They really could use some higher quality ones though.
    I’m an american, and I agree with most of these points
    /shrug
    What’s the use in arguing. America needs a few kicks in the right direction regardless

  23. I did a good job of anticipating your comment though (see second sentence of my reply to you).

    Also, it’s interesting how you choose to talk about perceived insults and criticise the article for being poorly thought out, and conveniently ignore the real issues (again, bonus points if you figure them out without throwing a fit).

    Since you’ll ignore them again – perhaps we can agree to disagree? Or will you haunt us again with your hallucinations of what I’ve done to the american soccer community?

  24. The only way the US becomes a footballing power is to have poor impoverished city kids trying to get out of poverty by playing soccer. If this happens, we will win a world cup and will compete with the top sides in europe and south america. Until this happens, we have no hope. MLS salaries need to be on par with NBA MLB and NFL to make these kids think soccer is an avenue to success. If we win a world cup, there will be mass migration to watch the worlds sport in america and that starts with converting poor inner city kids to soccer rather than having them play football baseball or basketball.

    That is truly the one thing that will catapult us to competition with the worlds best

  25. For those arguing about why Americans call it “football” when it’s predominantly played with hands, it’s because the length of the ball is one foot long. Surprisingly not many Americans know this fact and are hence stumped in arguments over the name.

  26. well done red ranter, the first bit of fact spewed from anybody’s mouth yet

  27. That article was funny, but most of the comments on it are even more amusing. It’s certainly safe to say that very few readers around here are familiar with the concept of tongue-in-cheek! Also, while I’m here, I’d like to offer my sincere apologies to all non-American readers on behalf of the handful of bright, decent Americans (such as myself) who had the good sense to vote against the Bush/Cheney junta and are eagerly awaiting the end of it!

  28. Ahmed, you’re from Pakistan and you’re making fun of the US when it comes to soccer?

    And for the Canadian douchebag that commented, you’re 100 times worse in soccer than the US. I wouldn’t talk. When is the last time you’ve been to the World Cup? Exactly!

  29. Mark, I’m american, love it and didn’t vote for wack job bush/cheney but we have a long way to go. develop the urban areas into soccer breeding grounds and we will win a world cup

  30. I appreciate some good satire. I will forgive. Because, at least the Americans can qualify for major tournaments.

    As far as the soccer/football thing, it’s not strictly an American phenomenon. It’s used in every English-speaking country where there is another form of “football” that is more popular. Hence, it is the dominant term in the U.S., Canada, South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. It is also used quite heavily in Ireland to distinguish it from gaelic football.

    It’s a fundamental misunderstanding that the game needs more grass roots development in the United States. Soccer/football is the most popular sport played by kids in the U.S., by far.

    There are two major problems.

    1. Money – Soccer is not seen as a sport where you can make a living in the United States. If players choose soccer, they often face a choice of either going to college and having their ability stifled for four years, or playing at entry level in a U.S. professional league and making under $20,000 per season. If you have an elite athlete who is good at both soccer and basketball, basketball is far more lucrative, whereas it would be the other way around in the States.

    2. Typecasting – Elite American athletes get thrust into other sports. If you are a powerful 6’4″ striker someone plucks you off the field and puts you in a football or a baseball uniform. Consequently, most American national team players are either too small to play other sports or are the children of immigrants.

  31. other way around in Britain*

  32. @mark
    the only reason everyone bashes the US in soccer instead of the other roughly 130 countries that are worse than it is that most of the other countries have an excuse to be bad at the sport. the US doesnt. they’re sposedly the world’s greatest nation, yet they fail to make an impact on the world’s greatest sport. thus every1 has a right to make fun of US soccer :P.

    that being said, i agree that Canada does suck.

  33. All the world is afraid of the Americans. We are the dominating world power. America speaks and the world listens. All you idiots from other countries need to realize that when your countries face adversity, who do you call? AMERICA!! So you can take your “football”, “Soccer”, or whatever you call the game and shove it up your keesters.

  34. i’m american but your are ignorant of the world hummingcow

  35. I shall lead americans to ther first world cup victory…intell then i wont argue!! :))

  36. Another reason might be that Yanks are too fat to run for more than 5 seconds so they have these breaks in NFL…

  37. To continue on the discussion as to why American footballs are called footballs:

    The early versions of the American football were round much like a football. The diameter was one foot or close to it.

    Very interesting article.

  38. I agree with the premise that the US will never be good at the sport, but the ONLY reason, and I mean ONLY reason is that Americans cant make money playing soccer in the us. we have amazing atheletes, and many play soccer(football) as kids, but by the time they get old enough, they know that it wont make them the big dollars. Until they pay better they will go to american football, basketball, and baseball

  39. At least we were good at war. Happy 4th of July Yanks!!!!

  40. The reason that football is so popular is because it plays to the lowest common denominator–its rules are simple, the game play is easy to follow, and anyone can practice it almost anywhere. It’s cheap and easy for kids to start up a game no matter how poor they are, hence people grow up playing it all over the world and end up identifying with it the most as adults.

    All of these things, however, do not make it an exceptionally interesting or good sport. There are lots of details about soccer that your rather superficial overview ignores. Like the fact that you generally watch for an entire game just hoping to see one goal. Americans want more give and take than that–they want the possibility for teams to gain a sizable lead, and to see amazing comebacks. What’s so amazing about coming back from a 1 point lead? That’s really the worst part about football. The fact that it consists of lots of running back and forth, and not much really worth cheering about.

    Want to make football interesting to Americans? Shorten the field by at least 1/3 and make the goal more accessible. Sure europeans will think that it degrades the sport, or that american’s just can’t handle playing on a regular sized field with a regular sized goal, but the truth is, football just isn’t that interesting the way it’s setup right now. Make it a faster paced game with more exchanges and it’s suddenly interesting to americans.

  41. Okay, I read this site nearly every day, and I really disagree with this article, but not for the same reasons everyone else does. I know that the essay is satirical and that you were going on limited research, but I don’t understand the reason for such an article. Yes, pick on Americans and their sports, and many people around the world will agree with you, but what is the point of picking on Americans for topics that you either don’t truly understand, or did limited research like you said. It’s funny to be satirical and use “tongue in cheek” writing, but I don’t see the point in this article, as well as your arguing with the people leaving comments. I go to this site because I trust the opinions of the people who write on it. Being a young American who just became interested in this sport a few years ago, I look for intelligent opinions on soccer…or futbol and I sadly, no longer trust your opinion or your articles on this site. it’s sad. Have a good day, and maybe someday I will respect you again.

  42. eveything but the porn

  43. americans suck at soccer because playing soccer in america doesnt pay.

    plus americans have alot more options of sports to play

  44. I,m 49 years old. I live here in the States,Sacramento
    California to be exact. Thanks to my father, I have been a
    fan of futbol all my life. Seen Pele play live with the
    Santos F.C. vs Chivas of Guadalajara in a club friendly
    at Kezar Stadium in 68′ or 69′. Even jumped the fence and
    ran on the pitch with him. Before there was cable or satellite T.V. we traveled to San Francisco or Oakland,
    California to watch the 1970 World Cup on Closed Circuit
    broadcasts. I have always followed the World Cup since
    then, but now with cable and satellite, I am able
    to follow the major competitions around the world, IE.
    Champions League,The Euros,Copa Lib.,W.C. qualifiers,
    La Liga,The Premiership etc.. My father immigrated here from
    Mexico in 1948. Brought the love for the game with him.
    Joined with others from his homeland to play on amateur
    Futbol teams, with names like Jalisco,Liberated,Tepeyac,
    there was also a team comprised of German immigrants
    call Turn Verein. These teams were based in Sacramento
    but there were other teams up and down Central California.
    When I was 11 I played on 1 team of maybe 8 youth teams in
    Sacramento at the time. Today there are 1000′s of teams
    in Sacramento. Recreational Teams that is. Cost, last
    time I was involved, as a coach, it cost $35.00 per
    player. Recreational!! To play competitive it will
    cost a family hundreds, if not more.
    One more quick story and I’m going to wrap this essay up
    on “Why Americans Suck At Soccer”. One day before practice
    2 young boys, 12 years old or so, were dribbling and passing,
    running up and down the pitch. Without effort or loss of breath, laughing. I asked if they were on a team.
    They sadly said “no, their mother couldn’t afford it .
    We need the HEART of the hungry urban youth, of all
    ethnic backgrounds. To expose urban kids to real
    Futbol, World Futbol. We need it to be like Boxing here .
    An escape sport, where a kid with nothing, who has to pay nothing can make something of himself. Then America
    can bring a team of hungry young lions to the pitch.
    Fast,sleek,able to play the beautiful game.
    Get that American Football mentality out of the game.

  45. Good article but some weaknesses. The No Cheerleaders part has nothing to do with why Americans dont like football. Adding cheerleaders will do nothing to trhe sport because the MLS has some teams with cheerleaders and it still doesn’t work. Baseball teams dont have cheerleaders and yet its one of their biggest sport. What was failed to mentioned was not enough stats. What makes every American sport worth watching for Americans is that stats and the ability to watch ESPN and discuss all the nonsense stats all American sports have. Americans love STATS (not that their good at math anyways) but they love STATS. You put a game like Football (the real one) and they are left with a game and that is it. Everyone else in the world knows that football is all about skill, passion, love and loyalty. Americans dont see their sports like that. They put STATS equal to skills, Capital equal to passion, love and loyalty all in one. We all know that Americans dont have the greatest attention span and that is why Football wont be their sport because they cant sit their and watch 90+ of talent on tv without commercials every two minutes.

  46. Australians DO NOT call this sport football. When I lived there calling soccer football was as prone to confusion as calling using “football” for soccer in the US or calling North American football “football” in britain. Really the only difference is that British and Australians will usually be aware of the cultural and language differences where as many many Americans are oblivious to the fact “football” can refer to many different sports.

    The thing that I find ironic is that most of the countries that have English as their first language use the word football for different sports, but many other languages use essentially the English name (eg. futbol in Spanish Football in French and Fussball in German)

  47. “Americans love STATS (not that their good at math anyways) but they love STATS.”

    GunnerStrike, not that you’re good at grammar anyway.

  48. I’m sorry Ahmed, but your post is rife with ignorance. Point number 6, (the one about steroids) is flat out wrong. The only sport I can think of where steroids is a problem in America is baseball, but the commissioner of the baseball league is making very strong efforts to rid the league of steroids.

    Point number 4, (the one about how Americans hate soccer) is an argument of how soccer will get better in America. Americans always feel the desire to be the best at everything. (then again, many countries have that competitive drive) Being bad at a sport only drives Americans to practice and become the best in the world at it. They do not quit the sport because they are bad at it, they practice longer and harder to get better.

    Point number 7 (the one about how there are no cheerleaders) is, again, an argument of how soccer will get better in America. Cheerleaders are a distraction to the game, entertaining only for the casual watcher. With no cheerleaders, viewers focus more on the actual game of soccer instead of women. I don’t understand how not having a distraction to the game would be a reason why americans suck at soccer.

    Please research the information before you make an entire post based off of stereotypes and ignorance.

  49. I took my dad to his first Premiership match in February, as part of a trip; we’re season-ticket holders for the MLS, and avid baseball fans, but eschew basketball and pointyball entirely.

    You know what we saw after we drank our beers and ate our meat pies at the Reebok Stadium in Bolton?

    Cheerleaders.

    I know, i’ve been trolled.

  50. this is a completely biased biased, anti-american article. I could hardly get through it. You sound like a jealous, bitter child. How about America has 4 traditionally major sports for kids to play and people to follow? At least the US has a football league, they at least HAVE a team. What does England have? A baseball team, a football team, a basketball team? no. I have another question…Americans don’t like football, what do you care? You mention it’s because we suck – England are a joke. Not only in football, but in pretty much every other sport. I refer you to a previous soccerlens article discussing England’s poor sporting quality: http://soccerlens.com/england-second-best/8103/. At least America has sports they are good at. The sports that were created in the country they are actually good at – unlike England. Keep in mind, I’m an American and I’ve lived in London most of my life (and I absolutely loved it), and this article is pretty much spot on.

  51. My question to the Americans is when are they gonna learn something about the game before arguing about it? The World Cup is not the only thing that happens in the world of football. Yes, there are many issues with modern football regarding diving and match-fixing (oh and when we are on match fixing, I would like to ask you guys to learn more about the Calciopoli and clear Juventus’ name in your heads; knowledge is again key to a comment of worth here). But, the game is the most beautiful game in the world and I have seen that more and more Americans play it. The truth is, Americans don’t suck at it, they just aren’t as good yet as the rest. But just as Lithuania, Serbia, and Argentina have kicked NBA’s stars’ ass in the past 5 years, so can the US kids grow up to kick Brazil’s and Italy’s ass in football. America has the money, they just need the culture. And that is something which takes time and effort. Stop making this such a black and white issue. Nothing in the world is black and white anymore, especially nothing which involves the USA. My advice is – stop showing the ‘game’ of baseball and show football on the screens and start playing it at the lowest levels at schools. Then you will have a richer culture, country, and sports nation. Peace y’all :)

  52. when it comes to genuine footballing talent, the US are found wanting

    Funny how none of the criticism on this article deals with this starting position.

  53. guess what you know why americans suck at soccer, because we don’t care its a fucking ridiculous sport. its like watching a bunch of panzys running around for 90 minutes, and then if the game is close, not tied, close they keep playing, fuck that. in football if its close at the end the team in the lead wins, in baseball if its close same as football and every other sport, hell even tennis, and why the fuck do people classify golf as an american sport, it was invented in fucking scotland, so maybe you all can get off your asses and learn a real sport that requires something more than endurance, because that is all soccer is, endurance, you want an endurance sport try baseball cause guess what that, bitch can go on for hours you lazy european bums.

  54. One thing: it’s just MLS. There’s no “the”.

  55. when it comes to genuine footballing talent, the US are found wanting

    -well the reason for that is the athletic talent in the country (which is far greater than any other country) goes to other sports, American sports. It is America after all. I don’t see why you people are attacking the US for its lack of interest in football or lack of ‘talent’. Mind you, if football was anywhere near as popular as the other sports in the country, the US would easily be one of the best teams. I fully believe this will happen in the near future.

  56. 01.) Yeah, no hands obviously means we’re bad at soccer. Why don’t you find some Fulham supporters and ask them how bad we are at soccer considering its Americans who have kept them up for the last few years? Maybe you’ve heard of Clint Dempsey and Brian McBride? Or maybe ask some Watford supporters about Jay DeMerit? Or some Rangers supporters about the skills of DaMarcus Beasley? That’s 1 out of 1 in the ignorance scale.

    02.) This is the funniest one. Yeah, only Americans call the sport by its British name despite the South Africans, Irish, South Koreans, Canadians, New Zealanders, and Australians calling it by the same name. You’re 2 for 2 in ignorance so far.

    03.) Oh sure, the fact that there are no breaks (oh, besides player injuries…real or imagined) stopped ESPN from paying millions to secure the rights to MLS, Euro 2008, and World Cup matches. Yup. Ignorance points now stand at 3 for 3.

    04.) Yes of course Americans hate soccer. Why is why the World Cup gets higher TV ratings than the World Series. Which is why more than half of MLS’s teams play in their own stadiums. Which is why soccer is bigger than baseball as far as youth participation sports go. Which is why Adidas paid MLS millions to be its sole jersey sponsor. Which is why multinationals like Microsoft and Red Bull have gotten involved in MLS. Yup, we hate soccer. That’s 4 for 4 in ignorance points.

    05.) This isn’t even a sports issue. Do some people in the world dislike America? Sure. But an almost equal amount love America. This is a weak attempt to try to prove the author’s sad “point”. If everyone hated America then why does America have the largest amount of immigrants? Yes, that’s now 5 for 5 in ignorance points.

    06.) Of course no one cheats in soccer. That’s why nothing happened in the Italian Serie A concerning matching fixing. Nah. Nothing happened. You guessed it, 6 for 6 in ignorance points.

    07.) Of course Americans hate all sports without cheerleaders. That’s why baseball, ice hockey, and NASCAR have no fans in America- no cheerleaders. Congrats genius, that’s a perfect 7 for 7 in ignorance. I’m impressed.

  57. You’ve made me feel better! I thought you were the one who told me that people didn’t understand ‘tongue-in-cheek articles.

    For what it’s worth, I think the article is amusing. I know you are not anti-american and it is such a shame that people can’t accept a light-hearted article in the way it was intended.

    Maybe the people who understand it don’t bother commenting.

  58. This may all be true, but I’ll give American footballers one thing . . . there is not a single swan-diving, ground-rolling, injury-faking pansy in the bunch. The lasting image of the WC 2006 for me as an American fan of the game is De Rossi elbowing McBride in the face and he hardly flinched, walking calmly to the sideline to the trainer to stop the blood from pouring down his face.

    On similar note, I was watching the Houston v. FC Dallas MLS game the other day and saw the most awesome thing… DeRosario (though Canadian) gets fouled by a young South American player (I forget his name), when the ref is turned the fouler, in Dida-like fashion, drops like a sack of bricks long after the contact he initiated. Here’s the brilliant part, DeRosario, in total disbelief at what this guy is trying to pull, bends down with both arms and aggressively grabs him by the front of his shirt and yanks him to his feet. The ref books the kid for his foul, completely ignoring DeRosario’s response. In Europe, DeRosario probably would have been sent off. Volkan Demirel got a two match ban for a small shove. DeRosario roughly pulled this guy off the ground and didn’t even get a yellow. In America, we say serves that punk right for trying to pull something like that, we won’t tolerate it!

    This is all to say that where America falls short in footballing talent, we make up for it with some things that the rest of the football world could use some more of . . . PRIDE and HONOR! Thanks Ahmed, for the forum to spread a little Fourth of July joy for my fellow Americans!

  59. I agree with all of this, and I live in America. I love watching…soccer, I will call if football for the sake of this article. I would rather watch football than any other American sport. I really don’t get baseball, it is pretty much as boring as golf is to me. And American football is just ridiculous, stop, start, stop, start…every 6 seconds the game stops. Another reason why Americans do not have good footballers, is because all the, we could say “recruiting” goes towards American football. All of my friends ask me how can i watch a game where scoring can happen sometimes once in a mathc. I reply to them, “Thats what I love about it, even if a player misses, just the excitement that leads up to it, and then finaly when your teams scores, its just amazing.” I will always be a die hard football fan, no matter what anyone says.

  60. i’d have to agree with a lot of this. being a football fan myself, i’d say that it’s mainly because of the breaks. and really, most sports in the US resort to height advantages. Look at Lionel Messi, Shaun Wright Phillips and other players.

    Coming from a country where football is still called soccer, where basketball is still the main sport (though our heights can’t match), i guess we need to promote the sport more, just to capture a few more countries.

  61. I don’t know if this article is meant to be completely ‘tongue-in-cheek’, but the reasons that Americans will not become a football superpower any time soon seem rather straightforward to me. Pele58 and Max Zeger hit the nail on its head by pointed out that it really comes down to money and youth. There is a MASSIVE pool of untapped talent in the US who have no access to football and no role models to emulate. Not only that, but youth football is expensive – the fees for the team I’m coaching (12-13 yr olds) are $130 this year – and I know the fees for Premiere travel teams easily reach and can exceed $1000 per child (I live in Maryland). Not only that, but for a kid to play organized football also requires a significant commitment from the parents – even at the rec level. Practices and games are always far away (NOTHING is walking distance in the US). As a result, many kids from single-parent homes and those who come from poor families are automatically excluded from participating. Add to that the lack of money in US pro football, the lack of prestige (MLS), the absence of iconic superstars, and the wealth and popularity of other sports, it’s understandable why US football is found wanting.

  62. It would be decades before football becomes a big sport in America but I think that it might be a big sport one day.

    I think they should organize something like a Derby del Cuore. The Derby del Cuore is an annual match played in the Stadio Olimpico in Rome between famous Romanisti and famous Laziali. I think that people who usually close their eyes to football would watch it. I hate baseball, I detest it but if you tell me Al Pacino’s playing I’ll watch it.

  63. I’m not sure if this article was meant to be a joke or not, if it was, it was moderately funny. If not then this is what I have to say…This is the dumbest article i’ve ever read, even for the internet…
    (1) yeah, American soccer sucks because we call it soccer. Brilliant, you cracked the code. Oh, and by the way, THE WORD SOCCER ORIGINATED IN ENGLAND..
    (2) B/c there are no breaks? Another astonishingly astute analysis. Yes, Americans are so dumb we couldn’t possibly wrap our heads around an idea as complicated as doing something for 45 straight minutes twice in the same day. Again, Genius…
    (3) No Cheerleaders? apparently you’ve never seen a South America Club play, every team has cheerleaders there, its great you have such an expansive knowledge of the game and how it exists around the world…
    (4)can’t use your hands? name another game popular in other countries not popular in America where you can’t use your hands? Don’t worry, I’ll wait. Soccer is the only major sport in any country where you can’t use your hands, its not just prevalent in America…
    (5) Illegal to cheat? Other than major league baseball, American sports leagues have as good of drug testing policies as any orginization in the world. Just b/c testing is done by a single American entity rather than via the “international” community holding hands and using WADA doesn’t mean its doing a worse job. By the way, WADA’s not doing such a bang up job themselves…
    (6) American’s don’t hate the sport, they just don’t have time for it. No Country in the world has as many premier sporting leagues as America. We host the best Baseball, Basketball, hockey leagues in the world, and our most popular sport, American Football, is comprised of completely American players (and some pacific islanders). not to mention NASCAR. What Americans don’t like is stuck up Eurosnobs telling them that their crazy for not being 100% dedicated to a sport b/c the rest of the world likes it…
    I love Soccer, and we are getting better and better at it each day. I can’t wait for the day (maybe 10, maybe 20 years from now) when we blow the doors off of the same stuck up A-hole “football” fans who talk sh!$ about our approach to the sport. I hope one day we beat England in a world cup final match. Nobody is more stuck up about American soccer then the English fans and announcers (players and coaches are perfect gentlemen). England is such a mediocre footballing power, and yet their fans think they should be the best for some strange reason. it would be the icing on the cake (there are others, I don’t mean to pick on england exclusively)… Again, if this was meant as a joke, disregard my babbling

  64. as a huge football/soccer(i interchange the terms) fan, when i watch games with people who don’t enjoy the game, the complaints are
    1) nothing happens. americans can’t deal with long periods with no scoring.
    2) soccer players are weak. sports icons here are all large and muscular, whereas soccer players are much more lean and agile. the diving doesn’t help either, although it doesn’t seem to affect basketball popularity.
    3)we aren’t the best. americans are spoiled with the best football, basketball, baseball, hockey leagues in the world. when players from around the world are good at any of these sports, they are instantly imported to the biggest teams of the sport in the US. i follow the EPL closely, and when you compare the quality of that league with the MLS, its almost unbearable to watch. bringing in big(old) european players to the MLS or promoting the EPL are probably the best methods to increasing the popularity. heres hoping henry comes to the red bulls in a season or two.

  65. alright, ahmed. your frustratingly destitute diatribe regarding the relationship between the general american public and football/soccer/calcio/futbol/footer/soccball is one thing, but your embarrassing attempts to defend your “satirical” post against the rightfully peeved commenters is entirely another. now,

    1- i’ll agree with you on the hand v. feet argument. those arguing need look no further than the fact that the posiiton Americans prosper at the highest level in soccball is the goalkeeper.
    2- everyone has already lambasted your ignorance for pinning the Americans with the unspeakable dirty deed of using the term “soccer” and not including the handful of other countries that share the term. not to mention the italians having an alternate name for the sport as well. and furthermore, why does anyone care that much anyway? did you come up with the term football? why so staunch in defending it? changing american football’s name would be far to difficult as it’s now overtaken baseball as america’s new pasttime. you call it what you want, others will call it what they want. let ig go.
    3- the lack of breaks argument is a worn-down, abused, and just plain irrelevant one to make at this stage. the only difference between american sports broadcasts and soccball broadcasts are the in-game commercials or tv timeouts, and i honestly have a hard time believing american sports viewers would have a problem with if they were eliminated, like they are in soccball. just because the clock is continuously running doesn’t mean there aren’t stoppages in play, either. every foul, every offsides, every flop and subsequent clearance of the ball for strategic purposes; how is this any different to 2 free throws? and the attention span argument doesn’t work either, amercians will sit for 6 hours and watch cars turn left around a track hundreds of times, which is about as mind-numbing as sport can get, i think. which means that if NASCAR were soccer, car wrecks would equal goals.
    4- yeah…..ok, buddy. i don’t want to touch this with a thirty ft. pole, it’s so silly.
    5- well, the americans didn’t really help out the argentines or the greeks throughout the years in basketball, and yet the US national basketball team has been eliminated by these two countries at the last two major international tournaments. although the argument that the rest of the world feeling animosity towards the states seemingly has very little to do with America’s prowess on the pitch. i don’t even know what point you’re trying to convey here, honestly. even if it’s sarcastic, it’s bad.
    6- first off, and this is for everyone, american football (NFL) players cheat. they take steroids just as much (probably more, come to think of it; have you seen the size of some of these guys?)as baseball players do, they just don’t get caught or vilified by a very misguided congress that needs to sort out their priorities and worry about things more important than doping in sports. however, just assuming that all american athletes are raging about on roids and that nobody involved in soccball does is absolutley ridiculous. nobody in the NBA worth mentioning the past 50 years has had any sort of public altercation with steroids, although one doth remember a certain Diego Maradona having one. not to mention the insipid match fixing scandals prevalent throughout association football, which attacks the integrity of any sport far more than performance enhancing drugs do. if anything shouldn’t be looked at lackadaisically, it’s that, not steroids.
    7- you would end it with this. this is the worst idea for football i’ve probably ever heard. i can only hope you were joking and never think about it again.

    you then go on to primp your own article up for all to see in the comment,s reaffirming everyone here’s belief that you are in fact an alarmingly large tool. wondering aloud why people aren’t questioning a certain sentence in your piece? praising yourself for your follow ups? using italics for emphasis? come on man, you’re letting anyone taking the time to read this site down with things like that.

    peace

  66. Yea I agree mostly but being Australian myself I can’t say I know anything on MLS.. Sure though soccerplayers dive.. but when people say they always dive at international level its true.. but thats in the eyes of all the world.. If you watch the English Premier League, by far the best league in the world, there is very little diving.. end to end football which is probably the most entertaining sport in the world.. When silly yanks and people who know nothin of soccer and use international games as a reference of diving and that the game is a shambles its idiotic.. In Aus we dont dive.. We’ll win a world cup in the coming decades or so simply because we have many multicultural backgrounds, many of whom play soccer. And were tough..

  67. americans don’t know what they are missin by give football litte or no auds it the world biggest and no 1 sports give it his reps tanx
    9ja 4 life

  68. one thing about american football that i will always admire almost above that of the absolute skill of the other nations is that americans do not and will not flop ever — one thing (and probably the only thing) about watching american football is that you will not see them falling down over nothing — cant say that about any other countries out there — europeans are flop happy and in my opinion flopping is cheating, period.

  69. There is some truth to this article. As an American that loves to watch American sports as well as international football, I understand both sides. Honestly, the main issue with American soccer (I’ll call it this to prevent confusion) is that it’s not the sport all the great American athletes are raised and told to play. What’s ironic is that soccer is the sport that almost every suburbanite American kid plays when they are 5-7 years old. But once they get older and into school, it’s all about the big-time American sports, the big three being American football (which requires an incredible amount of athletic ability despite what some may say), basketball, and baseball.

    I love European football (soccer), but who ever said that America HAD to care about it? There are so many great sports in the world, and America happens to have created several of them, or at least molded older sports into their own unique forms. American football (NFL or gridiron) gets a bad rap from Europeans, as they often try to compare it to rugby, saying that Americans are wusses because they use pads or whatever. The thing is that American (gridiron) football is really nothing like rugby, and as such there is no point in trying to say which is better; it would be like trying to compare tennis and ice hockey. The point of sports is not to be as tough and hard-nosed as possible – otherwise we’d all sit around watching bare-knuckle boxing or something like that. American (gridiron) football requires incredible specialization at certain athletic skills. While NFL athletes may not be as well-rounded athletically as rugby players, you can bet all your money that Americans have individuals players that are ridiculously fast, ridiculously strong, ridiculously good at catching a ball, etc. Plus American (gridiron) football is an immensely strategic game and requires a very high intellectual capacity at the professional level.

    I say all that to say that all sports are different and nobody can say that everyone SHOULD play this sport or SHOULD play that sport. For being a country that isn’t too great at the world’s most popular sport, there sure are a lot of people worldwide that make the Super Bowl one of the most watched events in the world.

    Besides, the U.S. still has arguably one of the top 25 national teams in the world. And they are getting better. With ongoing globalization and the media connecting every country to each other, I’m sure that one day Americans will develop a keen interest in the sport and will remind everyone what happens when they really apply their competitive spirit and athletic talent.

    So, while I’m sure it’s fun for everyone else to make cracks at America and American sports, I think for now we’ll be pretty content with our some 2,400 Olympic medals. Give us a call when anyone comes anywhere near that number. Then we can at least entertain the debate of who is the best sports nation. Thanks, and long live Chelsea.

  70. As a sidenote (in case someone is serious about football in the US and isn’t content with attacking the article on the wrong fronts)…

    TIAS’ Adam Spangler talks to Frank Dell’apa from the Boston Globe – where Frank has written about international football and the MLS for almost 2 decades. It’s an excellent interview and gives a unique insight into how the American media thinks about football:

    http://www.thisisamericansoccer.com/friends-of-tias/the-domino-effect/

  71. Frank Dell’apa is a douchebag and so are you.

  72. Point #8

    They hate the fact that the “World” Cup actually means all the teams in the world. Instead say the World Series and such.

  73. I tried watching soccer once. I brought my beer to the couch and here we go. Naturally 5 minutes later I need another beer – does the game take a break? No. I get parched. At 15 minutes in I’m really thirsty. No scoring, by the way, the players are just playing keep away. Finally some guy kicks another guy (did that hurt? the guy is on the ground in tears! what a friggin baby!) so I take the opportunity to grab another can of suds and some potato chips for good measure, but as soon as I’m out of the room there is cheering and pandemonium coming from the TV in the other room. A goal has been scored.

    I sit back down with my suds and chips and watched another scoreless 10 minutes of keep away, but when it was time to go back to the refrigerator, I knew I was going to change the channel when I came back.

    Silly, silly euro sport for skinny boys who are delicate. Um, no disrespect meant if you like that kind of thing.

    Now the cheerleader thing is quite an idea (a very American idea, I’ve got to love it). Instead of just having them at half time, perhaps they could be the “ball boys” scattered around the edge of the field in amazing outfits or lack thereof.

    Thinking this out further, if FIFA were to adopt topless ball girls as a standard requirement to ensure fair play and the control of hooliganism, while it might be a tough sell in Kansas, the core US sports audience would support it enthusiastically, if not openly. We may hate France, but we love lingerie, and therein would lie the ultimate demise of the NFL.

    “Pads, helmets?

    Get More Naked:

    Play Futbal”

  74. While Ahmed usually gets it right, he’s waaaay off the mark on a number of points here.
    #2 – I find it hilarious how many Euro purists make this retarded argument. Go look at what the ‘A’ in FIFA stands for and you’ll understand that ‘soccer’ (which is merely a shortening of “association”) is as or more historically valid than, say, ‘calcio.’
    #3 – Only the NBA has quarters. If you’re going to whinge at us, get it right.
    #6 – True comedy! If there’s no cheating then how does Materazzi still have a job? In all seriousness, the obvious cynicism, flopping, and general whimpyness (which, by the way, stops the run of play plenty often) drives Americans nuts.
    While we didn’t really invent baseball (which is exciting cricket) nor American Football (descended from rugby), we like those plenty. Try again.
    The real reason is that all our best athletes are busy doing other things.

  75. There are cheerleaders!…so to speak. Chivas has some girls that come out and dance and what not.

    Also, Ahmed, didn’t you ever read Dave Eggers take on why Americans hate soccer? Be/c its a COMMUNIST SPORT and we all know we dealt with that issue…haha j.k. Great article. I’d add, we hate low scoring games (hockey being the rare exception).

  76. Please don’t call us Yanks. When Americans hear the word Yanks, we think of the New York Yankees baseball team which is hated by most baseball fans except there own. Kinda like Chelsea in the Premier League. Also, the main reason why we suck at soccer is because most of our athletes are playing real sports like baseball, basketball, and (real) football. I agree with cherie that it is too low scoring also. The only reason we like hockey is because of the fights and hitting. But the bottom line is that America just doesnt care enough to put out a competitive squad.

  77. Dear hummingcow, did the Palestine people call for America’s help? And most of the time it’s more of ‘barged-in’ instead of people asking America for help… anyway, back to football (soccer for those who disagree), this article is funny, and should not be taken seriously… some correct points here and there… If only Figo would choose his final destination to be MLS then maybe US will appreciate football… Hala Madrid!

  78. or the fact that football/ soccer is a second tier sport in America.

    the best athletes play sports such as basketball or football.

  79. Soccer is an English word, not American. It was brought over with the game. Don’t really understand the british obsession with us using the the term.

    Additionally, Aussies, South Africans, Irish, Canadians also use the term, though not as formally as Americans.

  80. Comment removed by moderator.

  81. 3 more –

    Cheating – Yes cheating, soccer is a carrot and stick sport. That is football(soccer) players regularly bend the rules: Get too close on a free kick, Take a guy down on the 18, Take a guy out, Kick a ball the ref has set in position, Fall down when touched. I would say in football, that the rules are a bigger part of the game and thus the officials are a bigger part of the game. There are 4 officials. Each has a job enforcing the laws of the game. American’s view this as a problem. They believe the center has all the power and misses all the calls, but these missed calls are footballs way of letting the players regulate the game themselves. Which leads to the ebb and flow. . .Let’s not even talk about advantage. I spend at least 15 minutes a week explaining diving, advantage and offside(NOT OFFSIDES). Am I getting through? I hope. No America, do not ruin football with instant replay. Those fouls aren’t supposed to be called! My favorite as a youth coach is, today I’m going to teach little Suzzie how to: pull her opponent down at the top of the box, deliver a forarm to the back to keep a girl from turning, or smoothly slide myself in front of another girl causing her to fall like a ton of bricks! Parents say, those girls play rough, cheat, whatever!

    Scoring – In football, there is one way to score and it is worth one point. In American football, and basketball, there are multiple scoring levels because there is more than one way to score. Please avoid the 3 point line in football. Yes, I’ve heard requests for that.

    Attention span – At a football match, players work to control the game through posession and movement of the other team. This creates opportuities. That creates shots. That creates goals. To score, you have to complete the list: Posession, movement, opportunities, shots and then a goal will come. Great matchups create dull(to Americans) games because 2 quality teams spend all day working on maintaining possesion and moving the other team. Hence the 0-0 with a win in PK’s. In American favorite sports, the first three are given to you and all you have to do is make the most of your opportunities. Amer. Football is maybe the only exception, but you get 7 points for a touchdown and PAT, so that makes up for it! There is no way an ADD American can watch ever second of a possession battle which goes to a quick mistake or worse yet a 0-0 tie!

  82. its because all the good players are in italy, spain, germany and england………because their attracted by the champions league – which is not a big thing in the u.s.

  83. In general this article had some basic points I agreed with along the lines of popularity of the sport and how you only get one half time break, which makes tv stations weary to carry it because you show 45 minutes of tv with limited ad revenue, because we operate everything to make money not for the love of the game. We already have our own professional sports that take away from fan base in soccer. We have 3 big leagues, the NBA, MLB and NFL which all have their serious fan base and act like their sport is the sport. You can not deny that football is the main sport in England, where America does not have one main sport that the crowd loves. You can try to refute me and say that if Cricket, Rugby and Football was on in a bar/pub in an airport the fans would be evenly split up among the crowd enjoying these games. The only problem with this article is just an attack on America. You could have easily talked about why soccer is unpopular in the country or lack of foreign involvement in the US Soccer infrastructure but you attacked the nation, making some parts sound like a mad rant. Sorry you are unhappy with my country, I guess just keep categorizing us into one mold and stereotype us more next time earlier so I know to quit reading earlier on.

    • i’d say americans cant take a joke but you’ll consider it a stereotype, so I guess the people reading this article and getting pissed at it really can’t get satire. including you.

  84. Its funny that everyone argues that America’s world power will “soon” translate to football success. They’ve been a power for the last 70 years or so. How long do you need? The World Cup itself is only 78 years old, so America has been a power for most of the time the World Cup’s been around so I ask again: How long do you need?

    World power means nothing in football terms. e.g Brazil – never been a major player in the world, but are the most successful nation at football. Tried up against two world powers – America? No major trophies etc. Or England? Don’t think I need to say anything. I’d say Australia, but we’re not really a major player in world schemes.

    And even if world power meant something football-wise, in todays world power is created by money. How much does America have. I mean really, not the private sector, banks etc. The actual U.S government? about negative 10 trillion U.S dollars. So if money buys power, America has overstayed its welcome as the worlds main power…but like I said, power doesn’t translate to footballing success, and for the sake of a more competitive global football scene, I hope America can get into soccer.

  85. Sorry, I think I may be trapped in last year still, the World Cup is in fact 79 years old this year…my bad…tell you what the 2010 tournament will be a big milestone

  86. what i don’t understand is why they decided to call american football that anyway because there was already a game with the same name, also the whole thing about them not inventing it, the majority of sports played by the us weren’t invented by them

  87. I loved the article and I don’t understand why people are getting upset over an opinion…. I mean for being american don’t we all have the freedom of speech (and some of us really use it when it really isn’t necessary)?
    back to the article… I found it very humorous. What I found even funnier are the ones that commeted and they dont even watch the sport or even care to watch it.
    I grew up watching the mexican league and i got into epl when newcastle bought shearer from blackburn. i tried and tried to get into mls but it just plain suks. i feel (and this is only an opinion) as though you can train chimps to do the exact same thing as what they do. I even have friends that play for the Houston Dynamo team. They laugh when i say that but they know its true.
    So there’s my little rant
    Love Peace and Chicken Grease!

  88. But they do produce immense keepers going back to the hands thing. Brad Friedel & Tim Howard to name but 2!

  89. First off to Ahmed Bilal, satire itself requires some sort of wit to it, like Guilivers Travels or something like Jonathon Swift with his Modest proposal are some that come to mind when I think of satire. This is hardly satire. Where is the satirical humor in this? It contains quite a lot of attacks on American Sports and American Society, but I fail to see the satire. As for Stereotyping, I do get offended when it comes into play, I doubt this is hardly a joke article, most articles are well written on this website and tend to be works of passion that I enjoy reading and take them as a serious piece. If this is a mere joke, then I do not find it funny, just like anyone else would dislike attacks on their country’s football program come from views on that country’s society.

    As for statements of free speech, I am not in disagreement of this article getting published, I am happy I can read something like this and put my two cents in, people can publish what ever they like, it doesn’t make it true.

    For the comment on how much money America has and and how your world power status doesn’t effect how good you are in football, I would agree with examples like Brasil or even how well countries like Croatia and Greece play shows that, but why bring up America’s economy for football? I did not realize that we were discussing our economic downfalls now. I see that the recent market recession and bankruptcies have not effected Europe at all, I mean football teams like Chealsea, West Ham and Portsmouth certainly have not felt any of it.

    As for why I think American Soccer is subpar compared to some International Teams and why our league isnt very good is because of our youth system. It means our players can only be drafted at age 18, drafted! That means we must rely on highschools and universities to train our youth and turn them into star players. Very few of our youth get into our youth soccer academy, and we really only have one. MLS teams do not have academys which severely limits our youth system, which is our biggest downfall. I am very eager for 2010 when some of our young stars like Adu, Alitdore and Bradley can shine and show where we are at in American Soccer.

  90. The essence of football is also the individuality and history of the teams. In England, Wigan Athletic, founded in 1932, are the youngest team in the Premiership. Whilst America is a young country, granted, as are its soccer leagues, the fact that clubs are considered “franchises” and not “clubs” automatically gives the MLS no credibility. Decentralise ownership of the clubs away from one company, to make the league more competative and less of a laughing stock!

  91. The essence of football is also the individuality and history of the teams. In England, Wigan Athletic, founded in 1932, are the youngest team in the Premiership. Whilst America is a young country, granted, as are its soccer leagues, the fact that clubs are considered “franchises” and not “clubs” automatically gives the MLS no credibility. Decentralise ownership of the clubs away from one company, to make the league more competitive and less of a laughing stock!

  92. ARE YOU KIDDING????????????????????? 1st, when have you ever seen an American player dive?????? at least we respect the rules of the game and play on true ability! unlike Ronaldo! (MESSI SHOULD HAVE WON PLAYER OF THE YEAR) and the US has incredibly strict drug regulations, steriod use hasn’t been an issue for years now, except for true fat american sports like baseball. I am Amertican, and I absolutely love soccer, it is my favorite sport. You only speak of a percentage of Americans in your reasons, which makes it completely absurd to anyone who is truly passionate about soccer from the US. Albeit there is a large gap of quality, it isn’t just because of those reasons. WE SPEND SO MUCH MONEY ON OTHER SPORTS WE CAN’T AFFORD TOP OF THE LINE SOCCER EQUIPMENT, COACHES, PLAYERS(UNLESS YOU CONSIDER BECKHAM ONE, CONSIDERING HIS LOAN TO MINLAN), AND ADVERTISEMENTS. THE BIG PROBLEM IS WIDESPREAD POPULARITY.

  93. It all comes down to advertising dollars. American television will fight against soccer until they can insert advertising into the game. (on screen ads, billboards and half time are not enough for them.) Rugby has the same problems here and that sport has the aggression that Americans would love, but no time-outs.

    This is the same reason why we have 9-ball billiards instead of snooker. Short quick mindless games with plenty of commercial breaks.

    I ultimately think soccer will be the biggest US game someday. I play on an adult league in America, there is only one American born player on the team! We have Italians, Brazilians, Brits, Canadians and one Columbian. America is a changing melting pot of international influence. California is mostly Mexicans! (ok thats not true but you get my point)

  94. Haha
    “That’s half time in the UEFA Champions League Final between Manchester United and Chelsea, stay tuned for our half-time show with special guests commentating the Aerosmith concert, Soccer-greats: Pele and Maradona discussing ‘drugs or erectionettes – increase your sex drive’ brought to you by Carlsberg, the drink americans don’t know cos they’re retarded!’

  95. just to let you guys know….if you great great great great grandpa was german or italian or irsih or whatever…that doesnt make you people that…your americans..us europeans always laugh at that aspect…you cant speak the language and your obese…your not anything but a bloody american

  96. overall american “soccer” is a joke… and i agree with the authors comments.. England invented the game. and it spread all along the world..god didnt intend it for the americans.. so he cursed them haha…

    FOOTBALLS COMING HOME IN 2010

    P.S : I HATE AMERICANS THAT ROOT FOR OTHER NATIONAL TEAMS… NATIONAL TEAMS ARE ABOUT THE NATION AND ITS BLOOD… NOT SOME AMERICAS THAT THINK THERE GERMAN OR FRENCH BECAUSE THERE GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GRAND DAD WAS

  97. i came upon this article by mistake and i actually find it kind of amusing, and not in a good way. i’m an american and honestly, i couldn’t give a shit about soccer. i’m sorry if that offends any of you die hard soccer fans, but believe it or not, people have different opinions from your own.

    i played soccer as a child and absolutely hated it. after i stopped playing around the age of six, i started playing tennis and i’ve been playing ever since.

    it really annoys me how ignorant some of the people that commented this are. yea sorry that soccer isn’t as popular as it is in our country then it is in yours! WE HAVE DIFFERENT CULTURES! GET OVER IT! not everyone in the world worships soccer or “futbol” or what ever the hell you call it!

    and to the guy that wrote this bull shit article, have you even been to the states? do you have a slight clue that even though soccer is popular from ages 5-18, it’s pretty much one of the least cared about sports when it comes to american football and baseball.

    and about the “everyone hates americans” part, we americans do not give a shit whether you like us or not. there’s enough hate in this world as much as there is enough love in this world for the united states. and just so you know, i’m not one of those dumb asses that supported bush in his past two elections and mccain in this past one. george “dubya” made us all look like idiots….thank god his term is over!

  98. I still can’t believe u racist americans elected obama haha…but anyways americans are obese and foolish..and that’s why u are hated…get over it tossers

  99. Back again to check up on what people have smeared my culture as. I am happy to see that this article seems to have drawn up the mindless comments of obesity and us being stupid and what not with some stupid name calling mixed in. You guys are just some Euro Trash posers who amount to nothing. Congrats on having a superior league because you only are good in one or two sports, and just remember for how much you hate America, your government most likely needs us.

  100. More drivel that fails to get to the heart of the matter. And BTW, soccer is a name that came from the English term Association Football.

    So blame England for the name, and just enjoy the game.

  101. I’ve seen a few games of American Soccer on channel 5 in my time and let me tell you, its the most excruciating 10 minutes of my whole life, they have to technical ability at all, despite half their teams being Mexicans. On the point of Ronaldo diving, he is the most hacked player in the premier league and probably the world (along with Messi) if anyone has the right to go down easily its him and normally the ref misses all the blatant fouls on him (Pogatetz choking him down in the box) so he has to dispense his own justice. Ronaldo deserved to win Player of the year anyone who said otherwise either has not seen last years premiership or has no brain (probably why the americans are saying it) Messi will win it next year and he will have deserved it judging on his current performances like ROnaldo deserved ti last year.

  102. You are right by stating that they have a Ridiculous Name. Naming football soccer, men it evens rimes with sucker. And whats that with americans, Im not from USA and still Im american Why? The last time I saw a map USA its only a small part of the American continent. So that sport they call American football its all wrong named, hey since they like playing with their hands a lot they should call it handball. Besides why play “american football” when its a COPY of RUGBY.

  103. actually, to be completely honest the english are the ones who started calling football “soccer” don’t get me wrong i hate the word too but i thought u should know, if u don’t believe me, go on about.com and search it

  104. forget the faggot British and australians and other lame countries. America rules mmk we kick ass at everything

  105. Forget the poofter Americans and their candy-ass brand of handball they call “football”. They used their hands and that’s it.. Oh my God, they used so much padding it is funny! How can those drugged up, cashed up, over-rated, steroid laden American GridIron players can even run with all that protection on??

  106. Very good point about US goalkeepers doing well because the nature of the position is much a part of American sports culture.

  107. how funny.. u write that ‘Soccer’ sounds crap… and you forgot that ur writing your post in “Soccerlens”.. maybe we should call it “football – lens”

  108. Ahmed i would have to agree whith most of your points except that golf is a game of reetards. It is probably one of the most respectable games on earth.Also it is not at all an american game. I think you just hate americans and are pointing out the reasons why no one in the world would like to seat in empty stadium for 3 hours to see it all come to the famous nile nile tie.

  109. This article is foolish. While the rest of the world was playing football America was being creative and fostering a group of sports that engages our creativity. Basketball, Baseball and American Football all have qualities that international sports lack, which is why the rest of the world is following in our footsteps in placing american sport leagues in their home countries. European basketball and Asian baseball leagues. The reason why American’s aren’t dominating the international sport of football is because its low on our pecking order of popularity, our real athletes stop playing football at the middle/high school level and focus on American football. This would be a different story is Reggie Bush, Ladanian Tomlinson, Allen Iverson, or any other top class American athlete would focus primarily on football or “soccer”. This article is narrow minded, funny how the world points its finger at American’s but are always the next to follow suit. Peace bitches

  110. As an American, I agree that soccer/football isn’t one of the more popular sports. There are the reasons why me and friends of mine do not play soccer/football:

    -the crap called MLS isn’t the best product. they can’t keep possession for more than 10 seconds and the touch is awful, making the game very boring and pointless to watch. you don’t get the skills and finishing of the top european leagues to razzle dazzle the crowd. if the NBA players and skills were more like high school players, basketball would not be a top sport for very long. it also doesn’t help that soccer players in the MLS make what NBA, MLB, NHL, and NFL stars make in a week. what is the point of trying to make it as a professional in the MLS if you cannot sustain a good lifestyle and even a good retirement out of it?
    -to watch those european leagues and those great players, one would have to have the most expensive satellite package in order to get the games and when it is available, it is usually on at 3/4am in the morning.
    -unless you lived and grew up in a preplanned suburbia neighborhood, there are no soccer youth leagues. most of us played basketball or american football because it was easy to get a game going, it was readily available to us, and it was always on TV. baseball is one of the top sports in america, but very few people living in urban areas end up playing it.
    -football/soccer is a tiring sport. i’m not going to lie, a lot of children were fat when i was growing up (maybe 25%?). physical education was a mandatory class we had to take growing up, but no one really pushed us and made us try hard so we all really didn’t bother in trying to be fit. sodas and hamburgers were readily available to purchase at school and were the most popular food choices. add this all together, we are a bunch of unfit kids. football/soccer is a game where running is of great importance. factor in our physical shape and unwillingness to be active, and you an already unpopular sport.
    -with other sports such as football or basketball, if you were out of shape, you could still be competitive. you could either play a different position such as linemen or center, and still be able to be good at the game.

    BUT there is no reason why we should suck at soccer. we have state of the art training facilities and we have health clubs at our disposal. we have big parks every mile or so of residential neighborhoods. we have the most resources at our hands, when we compare our country to the rest of the world. the real problem is getting the youth to become captivated with soccer. possible solutions to this problem could be showing reairs of good matches on ESPN during primetime or the daytime. i know fox sports tries to do this, but showing chelsea v. derby at 11am on a thursday doesn’t exactly do a whole lot. another misconception kids have is that soccer players in the top european leagues do not make a whole lot of money. not trying to sound superfical, but money is a big factor in our lives here and what we do. there are many solutions to get american kids excited about soccer, so the possibilities are endless.

    so everyone who is trying to argue that we suck at soccer, you’re just lying to yourself. i’ll admit that we don’t suck, but we aren’t good. our wins against “top” european sides such as sweden does not count, because they are friendlies and they are mostly comprised of fringe players.

    well that’s my rant about the topic. peace.

  111. and one more thing…not everyone is what you think of as the stereotypical american. a lot of us in southern california and in new york city are a lot more educated than the rest of the lot and aren’t what you think of as a “typical american”

  112. This is probably the most biased and offensive article I have every read; it is painfully obvious that the author has no real ties to the United States or our soccer programs here. This author seems to be biased by hearsay and the media; a rookie mistake as a journalist and football fan.

    Joga Bonita…no matter where or who is playing. Get over yourself.

    p.s. The language difference point the author made was pretty lame/weak; “soccer” is no different than differntiating between football and “voetbal” or “fodbold”.

  113. Isn’t “Soccer” derrived from the English name for the sport “Association Football”?

  114. This entire debate is a joke. I’m sorry if someone in the comments already pointed this out, but there is one very obvious reason why America doesn’t produce a great national soccer team. It is the same reason the English aren’t good at basketball, and the same reason the French suck at American Football. In American culture, soccer takes a back seat to other sports due to historical circumstances. Basketball, baseball, gridiron football, and golf all have deeper historical traditions in the United States than does soccer. Circumstances surrounding the development of these other sports has led to increased public awareness, improved training, and greater funding as compared to soccer. That’s your answer. Nonsensical bs about cheating and backhanded swipes about fat American culture have absolutely nothing to do with it.

    Why is Romania good at gymnastics? Why does China suck at American football? Why does France produce no decent sumo wrestlers? When will Ireland get a decent basketball team? Why does Brazil’s national baseball team blow? Jesus, it must be because of cheerleaders, steroids, the use of certain appendages, and commercial breaks. This article (even if supposedly satirical) contains all the rational analysis of a 10 year old European kid who knows one thing and one thing only: that he doesn’t like the United States.

  115. Ok, I’m a European who ended up in the US.

    Ditto on nearly every point from the original article.
    Especially about the word “soccer”. Brits invented that but even the Brits call the noble game its real world “FOOTBALL”. Most popular, most loved and most followed game in the world. Sorry Americans, “American Football” much like “Ausie Football” is hardly known outside of your country. If someone gets confused, that’s their problem. Example, there’s game called tennis. If tomorrow some imbecile comes up with American Tennis, should the great name of the original game be bastardized too? Get real.

    It is also true that average Europeans enjoy making fun of Americans and American and rightfully so. The situation would change to the better nevertheless when (if ever) the americans adopted a healthy habit of achievement before advertisement.

    Disagree with the point regarding the doping use. The situation seems to turn to the better in the US lately whereas the rest of the world seems to have given some slack on it. It might have to do that there’s entire industry out there with load of money in it that constantly pops out substances that are harder to trace, as opposed to the layers of bureaucracy among international sport authorities.

  116. I think I read this guy was from Pakistan… And doing a little RESEARCH… I found that pakistan is currently 177 in the FIFA world rankings. USA is 15. So who wants to write an article about how Pakistan will always suck as soccer?

  117. Football is the only world sport. America is the best at every thing. Fouls are made to stop th opponent if you know they can beat you on the fly fake or real.

  118. {poster}”Incredibly Stupid” had a good post and summed up what I was going to say.

    And by the way, for those that don’t think Football/Soccer players are using steroids/PED, you need to do your research better. Not only have athletes been caught, but many do it and don’t get caught. That’s what is great about money, power, popularity, science, etc.

    And you also have to remember you can still use PED and get away with it. Who do you think started PED/Steroids anyway? EUROPEANS.
    Look at the Olympics as an example: Strict tests but many cheat.

    In addition, I don’t want to hear this b.s. that we don’t like it because we didn’t invent it. USA didn’t invent boxing and look at the production she had in the 20th century and that is a WORLD Sport that dates back to ancient times.

    The last part is that WE DO LIKE SOCCER; but it is our WOMEN that like it more…which is why they are routinely one of the best if not the best team in the World in that sport.

  119. uh…american football does not use feet; what idiot thought of calling american football ‘football’; on the other hand ‘european football’ or ‘world football’ is based on the foot. ; anyways I think the best point is the vicous cycle which began becuase the u.s was isolated enough to create its own sport and have it become popular; now as the article mentions; u.s folks ignore it becuase they suck at it and becuase they ignore it they continue to suck at it.

  120. ..just to add ; look at how lousy the ratings of the ‘world baseball championships’ are in the united states; no one watches it becuase the u.s. never makes it to the finals..yet baseball is very popular in the united states..go figure; I think this adds to the ‘we suck at it so lets ignore it’ attitude…theory…

  121. @ Kansas Citian
    The colour of your skin doesnt make you a better player, ya there are flashy point guards and running backs but that’s with a ball in their hand not their feet. And it doesnt matter if tey are hispanic its all about where you learned to play.The reason europeans and south americans are better is because of how they are taught over there. In the states it’s basically if you are more athletic then you will be better but in soccer thats just not how it works. Thats why america will never be good at soccer.

    someone on here commented about how usa was ranked 15 in the fifa raknings. The only reason for that is cause they qualify against the north american and central american teams which suck, teams like panama and canada. Thats why they always qualify for the world cup

  122. hahaha @ american

    “and just remember for how much you hate America, your government most likely needs us.”

    that’s funny but considering the major recession and how it’s hitting the states really hard I think your government needs us

  123. One more reason: Football is a simple game. One team tries to kick a ball into the net, while the other team tries to prevent it.
    Have you seen how ridiculously complicated the rules of American Football & Baseball are? Hence, football being a simple game does not appeal to Americans.

  124. I’m from England, and Football (soccer) is the main sport here. The premier league in England is the most attended in the world and the most watched sporting league in the world. This is due to the exctement of English football. it may not be a technical as some othet countries, but it is more entertaining.

    England and the UK as a whole, also has many sports competing with each other, just like the states. many sports were invented here and some American sports have their origins from sports invented here. Golf, cricket, tennis, Field Hockey, Rugby, squash and of course Football started here and some of evolved into other games, like American football, ice hockey and Baseball (rounders)

    I was in the states a few years ago and got the distinct impression that American adults are not particularly active in sports compared to europeans. what i mean by that is, as children at High school, Americans are very active playing many sports at different levels, but at college only the best get to play and as Americans become adults, their playing days are essentially over, apart maybe from golf.

    In europe, there is much more of a tendency to continue playing for many years afterwards, even if it is just with friends and the standard is low. the winning isn’t important then, it’s just about having a laugh with your mates and getting some excercise.

    my friend in Pittsburgh summed it up when he said that him and his friends were watchers not doers!

    There is also the TV problem. American television would on the whole not like a sport where they could not have advertising for a whole 45 minutes. Football (soccer) is not a TV friendly sport in the eyes of the American TV media and would not generate enough income to make it a worthwhile investment. American companies around the world know that Football generates them huge income because of the audiances that tune in all over the planet, and they are increasingly getting involved on a maasive scale with huge sponsorship deals. but in their home market, the television viewing figures are low, so why bother when they can generate much more income from other sports. it is a catch 22 situation.

    By the way, to any Americans reading this very long post. I have been to watch the Steelers play. i have good understanding of American football, but it’s not for me. 4 periods of 15 minutes just took to long. to much stop start for televison and other stuff. However, i did enjoy the non stop food and the tailgate party.

  125. Came across this article as I was watching an exhibition between Inter Milan and Club America. Yes, I am playing on the internet as I “suffer” through a soccer match. I was pretty amused by the article. I am an American that spent 5 years playing soccer. I was actually quite good . . . on an American level mind you. Then I turned to tennis because it was much more interesting and gave me a chance to break free from the “ickiness” of soccer. I could not read all of the comments because they became pretty predictable. It’s utterly useless reading non-Americans’ comments about why America sucks at soccer. It’s amusing but holds no explanatory value. Here’s my take. I tried to keep it to 7 reasons in the spirit of the article. But if you gave me enough time, I could probably come up with a couple hundred reasons. Here goes . . .

    7 Reasons Why Americans Suck at Soccer (from an American)7

    Soccer is elitist and suburban
    Soccer is a suburban game played by white and Asian (i.e., honorary white) kids whose parents drive minivans, SUVs and BMWs. These families aren’t in it for the sport or the athleticism but for the show. The soccer field is a terrible place where kids are dragged only to run aimlessly up and down the field while parents schmooze and brag and cut deals and show off their recently implanted size DDs. There are many other sports competing for these kids’ attention and, with a few exceptions, I would argue they grab better athletes than soccer. This includes skateboarding, snowboarding, cycling, skiing, tennis, golf, lacrosse, surfing and swimming.

    Okay, now that sets the stage for the pool of athletes we’re dealing with in American soccer.

    Soccer is Weak, Feminine, Soft and . . .
    Gay. In part because of its suburban, elitist stigma and part because football is king in America, soccer is seen as weak, soft, feminine, and, well, gay (I’m not a homophobe. I’m a Californian. I have plenty of gay friends. *wink* But let’s face it, soccer is considered “gay” in the US. It’s for pussies.). Also, soccer is played during the same season as football making them head to head rivals for popularity. I remember being 9 years old and my football friends teasing me about playing “thawker” with their best gay lisp. Soccer players in the US carry this with them for as long as they choose to play.

    You could argue that tennis, golf, skiing, surfing and other sports competing for the suburban class’ attention suffer the same stigma. However, there is a difference. These other sports are seen as laid back, casual and free spirited. Participants are fun loving partiers. Soccer players are buttoned up conformists . . . suburban cookie cutter polo wearing Ken dolls.

    Now you have the cultural underpinning. Soccer is neither a macho nor stylistic endeavor in the US.

    Soccer is loved by everyone, EXCEPT the U.S.
    And that’s perfectly fine with us. We are a country founded on individualism. Our sports are our identity. We don’t want to be a part of something that everyone else is a part of. We want to express our differences and excel at them. Oftentimes, we create something new along the way. America is about variety, difference, innovation, invention and individualism. Sameness and homogeneity is so . . . very . . . European. We absolutely do not want that.

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear the cries of the intricate differences and playing styles of each soccer loving nation. The English do this, the Italians do that and the Brazilians, WOW. But you miss the point and you miss the forest for the trees. It’s all soccer. Yes, it’s infused with some national flair and personal style but it’s soccer. That’s why you love it so much. The individual interpretation of the sport . . . a primitive game with infinite creativity. Yeah, well, keep it.

    Soccer is not democratic
    America has the greatest ethnic mix in the world. Our gene pool is full of highly specialized traits as well as an ever evolving hybridization (tall, skinny, fat, short, muscular, lean, fast, slow). We love sports that allow people with specific physical traits room to contribute and excel. We’re good at being inclusive. Not perfect mind you (by the way, I am African American and there is a long ways to go with being inclusive) but I wouldn’t pick any other country for their record on tolerance and inclusion. Look at football positions (offensive lineman, wide receiver, quarterback, running back, linebacker, cornerback, defensive end, tight end). I can describe the physique and athletic specialties of each of these players. Baseball has pitchers, catchers, outfielders, first base, short stop, etc. Basketball has center, forward, guard. People have their role, their fit, their opportunity to contribute and excel and their chance to be revered. Soccer seems so homogeneous in comparison. People seem to have similar skill sets, body types, athletic ability, etc. From afar, the players are almost robots . . . very vanilla.

    It’s very American to hate soccer
    You forget something, America wants to be different. Those that are well traveled and snooty believe that America has no culture. Actually, many Americans think the same. It’s a shame that everyone misses the point that sticks right under their noses. American culture may seem superficial . . .think Hollywood, think McDonald’s, think Starbucks. Or economically ruthless or politically self-serving. I’m not here to debate the merits of American culture (that’s a no win game and I love America . . . case closed). But you have to admit that American culture is easily recognizable. In fact, I would say it’s one of the most recognizable cultures in the world. Okay, I digress. The American hate for soccer is part of our culture, it’s in our fabric. Do you honestly think we care that Europe doesn’t like or play football (I won’t bother calling it American Football . . . there is only ONE football in the U.S.) or baseball? These are our sports and our culture. Even though Latin America is becoming a dominant force in baseball, it’s OUR game and we embrace them just the same. Do you think Canadians care that England and it’s colonies don’t play hockey? That’s what national pride is all about. If you and 99% of the world’s countries love the beautiful (and Gay) game, that’s awesome. Congrats on being in the club and having some national pride.

    Our national sports pride centers on the big 3 (football, baseball and basketball). Oh, and our ability to dominate or successfully compete in practically every other sport the world has invented. Another testament to the watered down pool of athletes that choose to stick with “thawker”.

    Soccer is a waste of time
    There is so much time and so little payoff. I actually enjoy the drama and the tension and the subtle ebb and flow of the game. I like it about once every four years. (The world cup is the perfect amount of soccer for me.) But American’s want a payoff. Even if there isn’t a goal or points or a score, Americans want a hard tackle (football style . . . knock your head off tackle), a double up the 3rd base line, a reverse dunk or blocked shot. Americans want something to jump out of their chair about, strut their stuff, talk smack, high five. The big 3 give you this without a score or a run. In my mind, it only adds to the drama. The stoppage of time gives us the opportunity to gloat to soak it all in. If you are the opposing fan, it gives you the opportunity to hate the other fan, to hate the other team and seek revenge.

    Soccer is too subtle and too continuous. There is too much non-drama between each score. I guess that’s why fans sing during the match.

    Americans want to suck at soccer.
    This is a very important point. Americans want to suck at soccer. That way, when we do win a game, we can say, “we suck at soccer, we don’t care about soccer, our weakest athletes play soccer, our pussies play soccer and we still beat you at YOUR game”. That’s all we really want.

    Bottom Line: Even if America was great at soccer, we would still hate the game because what it stands for in American culture. Frankly, I’m amazed that America is as good as it is at soccer given that we don’t give a rat’s behind about the sport. How amusing!

  126. Another reason it is called football in America is because the forward pass wasn’t allowed until 1906. The game is a combination of rugby and soccer.

  127. Lets be honest, most SOCCER games are utterly boring and are plagued by constant dives, horrible nationalistic referees stupid often arbitrary penalties that are called inconsistently. . SOCCER also breeds fans with no manners and often with streaks of violence that are manifested often.

    What kind of moronic game can decide their ultimate championship on penalty kicks—a guessing game at best.

    I could go on, but that would be feeding the troll

  128. Americans hate soccer because it sucks. It’s a sissy sport. It’s a sport for poor people that can’t afford the equipment a true sport takes.

  129. hockey and basket-ball are canadian sports idiot

  130. Last time I remembered when I was in Essex and everybody called the game soccer…

  131. I’m an American and I love the beautiful game, but I have to agree that the flopping kind of makes me sick. It’s like you need a bachelor’s degree in theater to play at the professional level. The fact is that in a game where decisions are often made by 1 goal, the rewards for being a little bitch (PK’s) are probably too great to ignore. Just something about it doesn’t sit well with red blooded American guys.

  132. i didnt read this article, you know why??

    because

    FOOTBALL, it’s called FOOTBALL, not fucking soccer! FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!
    piss off with your american way of saying it then criticising them for not being able to play, call the sport by its proper name, FOOT+BALL=FOOTBALL not fucking soccer, and their shitty sport THEY call football well im not even going to start why it shouldnt be called that…

    so next time,(for the retards),ITS CALLED FUCKING FOOTBALL

  133. I totally agree that the only thing wrong with soccer is so totally there are no cheerleaders. I have played soccer for the last few years on our high school varsity team. And i’m also a cheerleader. So, I agree the more cheerleaders the better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  134. well actually its called Futbol dumb ass so get a life

  135. The true reason that we Americans suck at soccer is that all the good American athletes are playing the sports that really matter. The guys that do play soccer just couldn’t hack it at football, so they just had to settle. If the athletes that play football, basketball, and baseball in America would have dedicated their lives to playing the very boring and pointless game of soccer, then all other countries in the world wouldn’t stand a chance, and would eventually lose interest.

  136. The real reason that the U.S. sucks at soccer is because nobody in the U.S. cares about the sport. All the best athletes in the U.S. play the real sports – like baseball, football, and basketball. The only players on any soccer team at any level in the U.S. are the geeks that couldn’t make a real sports team.

  137. Ammericans are so frustared… the whole world don’t care about USA opnion about soccer, you always try to convince all rest of the world how your sports are better. Soccer is so much popular than others sports that the Olympic Games stopped having soccer, because the Soccer World Cup is so or even more commended than it.
    Nobody miss you guys, but I guess you still need to polish your ego as always. I guess most of Asia, South America, Europe, Africa and the rest of the world would agree with me.

  138. Two things wrong here:

    1) someone posted a comment about how Americans from the U.S. can’t call football in the U.S.A “american football” because there are “Americans” that don’t live in the United States. Well may I just point out that in THE SPANISH LANGUAGE you learn the terms for futbol and FUTBOL AMERICANO. SPANISH. Español. So don’t blame the U.S. for that term.

    2) I find it rather hilarious that someone posted a comment about american football not being popular anywhere else. Because the last time I checked, LONDON ENGLAND is hosting 2 major American Football games next season. There are also “American” Football leagues in Italy.

    Everyone just needs to take a freaking chill pill.

  139. Furthermore, it’s one thing to insult the way someone plays a sport. I’m from the U.S. and I don’t even bother cheering for them. I cheer for Germany as my national team and Man U as my club team. But this article went beyond friendly bashing of a country’s sport, and moved onto a bashing of the country itself. Not cool. Have some respect for the world that we’re ALL LIVING IN. Maybe if people had more respect for each other we wouldn’t have so many freaking mass murders, genocides, and general hatred.

  140. americans are funny, they are very pissed that no countries care about their sports, and write long article about how they don’t care about what others think, why do they write long stupid article if they don’t care about what others think about them? Americans suck at football, because they suck at athleticism and competition that they make their own sissy version of rugby and compete themselves. lol

  141. We really aren’t pissed off that no one cares about some of our sports in a large level. Like some other guy said, do you think Canada cares that most of the world doesn’t play Hockey? Hell no. They’re content with with being better than the countries who do play Hockey. Also I find it hilarious that you say we suck at Soccer. Sure we do suck at Soccer, but most of the athletes that play Soccer for us are absolutely bottom of the barrel. And Yet we STILL compete. Even though in European countries, Soccer’s popularity to them is comparable to Gridiron Football in America. We beat Spain in that confederations Cup, and almost beat Brazil. Most of the great athletes don’t even play Soccer because they can actually gain a more than comfortable living by playing Gridiron Football, Basketball, Baseball, or even Ice Hockey.

    Says a lot about what kind of Athletes other countries field, if America is sending our worst athletes to play Soccer, and yet we’re still good enough to get an upset or 2 over countries that have been playing Soccer for their entire life.

  142. not trying to generalize, but i think another reason why americans arent that good at soccer is because they seem hollow as people most players ive seen seem worried about being criticized or on the defense, at least the most players ive come across.. no individuality or leadership or brotherhood in teams or if a team mate is new they isolate them instead of being friendly. they also have this win win win mentallity, just play for fun and have flow and not over analyze things. LET LOOSE

  143. think about how lucky we are that americans don’t like football. if america was a major football nation we would have commercials every time the ball went out of play.

  144. these generalizations of americans are hilarious it makes me wonder if you guys have actually met an american before… oh and by the way “do what any american would do when faced with the unknown, turn their back to it” that line is so ridiculous im not even going to try and put up an argument

  145. i gotta agree with seriousely? but the comments by americans on this article aren’t exactly helping everyone elses view on america

  146. goodbye to Kyrgiakos :) :) :)

    nsno

  147. this is bullshit. do u live in america? no. HAve you ever been to /america? probably not. HAve you seen the upcoming talent? no. You havent. I play soccer, and a couple years back my team went to play england teams – we won almost every game. We are good at soccer, and just because america doesnt like it doesnt mean we arent good at it. Things have changed. your an asshole.

  148. Just because the rest of the world considers it their game doesn’t mean it has to be important to someone from the US.

    I don’t understand why this topic keeps coming up. I’m currently living in Asia but I’ve also lived in South and Central America and everywhere I go I run into the game and get bombarded when I say I don’t like soccer.

    I also have the NCAA basketball tournament recorded and mailed to me if I’m out of country in March. Still have yet to jump on someone for not liking or caring about basketball, let alone get angry over it.

    Does it really matter? What difference does it make if Americans do not like soccer? Was not liking soccer the cause of the Holocaust or something?

    It’s hilarious how eager the rest of the world is to blanket all Americans as one personality, to cheer when someone from the US so much as stumbles, the sheer joy and furious masturbation that comes from the idea of an American suffering in some way …then you all wonder why culturally we want nothing to do with the rest of the world.

    As I said I’m living in Asia right now with a history of living abroad so obviously I don’t fit the “go to hell, rest of the world” mold. All I’m saying is don’t think you can pigeonhole an insanely diverse nation and think the result will be anything pleasant.

    Anyway, I just watched Brazil beat the US 3-2 after the US was up by 2 and I laughed all the way through the 2nd half to the confusion of my friends and coworkers because I knew it would end in hilarious failure for US soccer. Just found out it was a rerun, too, almost a year old, I guess.

    I can speak for myself and a lot of family and friends back in the states when I say that sums up soccer for us. It’s hilarious when we lose, because we suck at soccer–but it’s even more hilarious when we win, because we suck at soccer. It’s basically a joke to a lot of people in the US, something to watch for 15 seconds between basketball timeouts, and only if a tampon commercial pops up.

    P.S.
    Yup, people from New England, Atlantic Coast, Midwest, South, Southwest, Pacific Coast, N Cal, S Cal, and Mountain regions are all the EXACT SAME.

  149. Well…americans don’t suck at Football, incorrectly called Soccer (in the rest of the world is called Football), only th U.S people suck at Football, because Brasilian people and Argentinian people are really good playing it (they are americans too, in fact Americo Vespucio it never was in the U.S.).

    I think that the reason why the U.S. are bad in Football it’s because they are blinded by their own sports, themselves have been isolated from the rest of the world in sports. But in the last years the U.S team has improved a lot, i hope some day they can play the world greatest sport as it should.

  150. @koko… LOL!! ahhh, this is a good example of the “individual people” in America. I’m American too, but to be honest, i don’t care nearly as much about the sports played here as any other brainwashed American. American football is a pretty little knock off of rugby, which is far more manly and played by the same “Pussy” Europeans who play actual football. Baseball is also a pretty little knock off of cricket, also played by Europeans. See where i’m going with this? Football isn’t about brute force or how big and tall you are. It actually takes some amount of skill to play football, it’s not just run down a field and kick a ball into a goal. Unlike “American” football where all you do is catch a ball and run, or block someone with your fat ass, whoop de doo. The real reason us Americans don’t play football is because it simply isn’t part of our culture. It’s not widely accepted my most Americans, it is based on skill, determination, and yes, you have to be in good physical shape to do it. So, where in the hell did you get the misconception that all people who play soccer are elitist and suburban people? Congratulations on jumping to a conclusion! I’m sure there were people like that where you played football for 5 years, but the assumption that all people who play football are like that is simply ignorant. Where the hell did you get the idea that you had to be rich to play football? OK, here’s what you do, you go to wal-mart, you buy a ball, you go to a park with friends, you play football. Unless of course you want to join a club, that’s fine, and i’m in a club that costs about $30 for the season and everything. And you yourself said that European’s explanations as to why Americans don’t play football hold no explanatory value, but stating your own biased opinions about the rest of America’s football playing population holds absolutely no explanatory value either, it’s nowhere close to a fact and is nothing short of a childish assumption by another brainwashed moron claiming to know everything about anything. And sure, American football is an entertaining game to watch, but all it really takes to play it (aside from the quarterbacks, runningbacks, and wide receivers ) is to be big enough to stop the other player, whether it means getting more muscle, which breeds a lot of steroid use. Or over eating which results in an unhealthy fat physique, which is why the game is stop and go because, who likes to run that much? Being a quarterback does take skill, as well as being a wide receiver or anyone else who has to catch the ball, but it still isn’t anything special. I’m not bashing the other
    American sports, they’re also pretty interesting to watch, but i’ve tried playing all of them, and i was pretty damn good at them, but to be honest, i thought they were boring as hell to play. But it’s your opinion that they’re fun, and i have no intentions of trying to convince you otherwise, however, your argument is simply not valid. To sum it up, it’s a useless compilation of all your biased American opinions of what a sport should be, macho, little running, stop and go, and fat people can play it. Anyone can play football as well, as long as you have legs, you can do something, you may not be good, but it’s still pretty fun. I simply don’t see where you get the idea to go and attempt to bash other people’s opinions of a good sport, it’s kind of like saying, “i’m obviously smarter than the rest of the world because i’m American, that means that I can run around screaming my moronic opinions to the world thinking that they will give a damn about them.” Well i hope you have fun with what you’re doing, since i doubt this will stop you from spreading your bias and hate. Although i’m not worried, if a 12 year old can beat you in an argument, what chance do you have of convincing anyone with half a brain that your opinions have any value?

  151. they arent good at it because football is ‘un-american’ therefore it isnt funded.

  152. Actually, pretty sound comments.

  153. Seriously,
    I am American, and I take offense to this. Honestly America does suck at football. But are the comments about how Americans are so stupid really necessary? It just makes you sound ignorant, and makes this article lose its credebility.
    Also, Americans aren’t as mindless as many Europeans think we are. How could a nation be so stupid as a whole yet produce people like Benjamin Franklin? Eisenhower? Elvis? Regan? (and for the Europeans reading this) Obama (though many Americans are getting quite sick of him)?

    • LOL. When tasked to name the great minds of the United States you name ELVIS and REAGAN? To sway the Europeans you name OBAMA?

      I’ll give you Franklin, but, to be honest, he was a lightweight at everything he tried except Constitution making and screwing french prostitutes.

      How could you miss Edison, Morse, Graham Belle, Gates, Feynman, all the Americans behind the Manhattan Project, Thoreau, Poe, the Wright Brothers…you know, the actual smart and gifted people!?

      Elvis…lol…

      At least try Sinatra? I’d sooner go for Nirvana or Radiohead.

  154. Why we suck? Cause we’re not gay. Gay ass sport…

  155. I live in US and you have some valid points, but many are wrong. I could write a book on this subject. The main reason the US sucks is time: the grassroots movement that led to the growth of the game here only started 30 years ago. It is the underdog against stiff competetion of the bigger mainstream US sports for spectators and top athletes.

    Yet the sport and it’s infrastructure are growing. It is basically equal basketball for the sheer number of participants, baseball and american football participation is dropping, the top youth clubs are miles beyond where they were 15 years ago as far as coaching and developing players go, the number of US nationals playing professionally overseas is higher now than ever and will continue to grow, the first generation that played the game here are becoming parents and coaches.

    I could go on but basically I am saying the foundation now exists to build on, in time the level of play of the US footballer and the games acceptance here will improve, but it won’t happen overnight . I’m not saying as a spectator sport here it will knock off one of the big 4 sports though, but it will get a bigger slice of the niche market

  156. Americans don’t suck at football (incorrectly named soccer), brasilians and argentinians are great at football and they are amerians too. (in fact Americo Vespucio never was in the U.S.). Seriously U.S People suck at soccer because they are gay and they are inferior to the British.

  157. Soccer? No adrenaline rush! That’s why it’s so boooring……..
    You just run,kick the ball.Although it’s not easy but it’s so boring,just like pool,it’s not easy but so boring.
    I admit it that soccer is fun,but fun here is same like when you are chatting with somebody,why I said that?because soccer isn’t that challenging sport,same like chat,it’s fun but not challenging which mean not manly = gay.End of story

  158. “The world’s greatest nation is surprisingly mediocre when it comes to playing the world’s most popular sport. It’s not that they keep losing – far from it. Americans have a winning mentality that automatically ensures that whatever team they put out will be competitive.” <– 1st Paragraph

    "And it makes sense too – why follow something in which your side keeps losing?"

    At this idiotic contradiction, I really stopped paying attention. Also, apparently nobody likes us, but they're pissed that we don't play their game. Why are you so intent that we love your game?

    When other people call things by other names, or have their own games that they've developed it's seen as "cool" and "multicultural", but Americans have their games (and play them quite happily with absolutely no pretense at dominance in soccer) and we are somehow arrogant, ignorant brutes

    Epic fail.

  159. Well, i think americans suck at football soccer for the same reason that they drink more cofee and less tea. Because just like tea, football soccer is British. Its a cultural issue.

    And they have their own sports, some of them very challenging and fun like Basketball and others well…..i just will say that i dont like beisball (some people here in my country say its gay-boring sport).

  160. You are speaking out of pure ignorance and obviously no nothing about living in the BEST COUNTRY ON EARTH; AMERICA!

    As young boy growing up in the GREATEST COUNTRY EVER, if you played soccer (not football idiot) you were considered weak and thought to have NO BALLS (maybe a va j j). Therefore, EVERY KID that had any talent, skill, cooridination and/or physical dominance played something else.

    Let’s be real here, could you imagine a U.S. side compiled of our most talented and powerful athletes. EVERYBODY we played would get SMASHED!

    Think about it, why is it that our women are ranked #1 in the WORLD in soccer? Because it’s acceptable for women to play such a wimpy sport. With said, some of the top American women athletes play soccer.

    Another reason to consider, soccer requires absolutely no money to play. Anyone can play as long as you can find SOMETHING round to kick. Most of the world can’t afford to get out of their own way, let alone try start a sport that requires more than a wadded bunch of taped newspapers.

    Last thing, the reason NO ONE LIKES US, is becasue we live in the GREATEST PLACE ON EARTH. If it wasn’t true, than why is everyone trying to move here? I don’t here of anyone saying, “I wish I could move to Europe” or some other BS country. So instead of improving the place you call home. it’s easier to sit there and do nothing looking for a hand out.

    You keep for weak sport! When our “inferior” athletes beat england in the World Cup this year, than maybe realize the signifigance of these words.

  161. Wow you are sure a lot of haters out there. As an American of British decent I am not sure what to think.

    I can tell you this as a child of the eighties there wasn’t much invested in soccer, all the kids turned to football, basketball, baseball, and swimming. I played soccer but it wasn’t nearly as popular as it is today. Plus at the time the pressure was to be good in a lot of sports and not fantastic in just one. You would see kids wearing letterman jackets at high school and lettering in multiple sports.

    Things are changing and kids are starting to choose a sport to perfect at a younger age. My daughter for one is playing soccer year round now. She is seven, and can’t get enough, plus the opprotunity to play year round and train at a higher level are now available whereas before it wasn’t. Before you played soccer in the fall, baseball in the spring, and swimming in the summer.

    Part of our problem though is that our kids are being taught by dads who for the most part have little knowledge of the game. My husband grew up playing lacrosse and spent countless hours figuring out how to coach soccer. My second daughter is now playing up at the U9 level, she is 7, on a competitve team and the level of her learning is increasing dramatically.

    I think this article missed the mark completely. It’s not about hands, the name, cheating ~ are you kidding me?~ or cheerleaders. It was about too much of a multi sport focus and lack of experienced coaching.

    I am rivited whenever we go to a game and love love love watching world cup and college games. The game is truly beautiful no matter what you call it.

    I think that the British team is awesome and I would love for my daughter to go over there to have a chance to enjoy being taught by your coaches.

    I wish that you and your article viewers didn’t hate Americans so much so we could all benefit from each other more.

  162. The simple fact is America’s best athletes play other sports. Imagine if some of the players of the NBA and NFL had grown up soccer players.

    The real fact of the matter is if European countries fielded US football teams they would be crushed as they have been in Basketball. Now let’s see if the French, English and the Italians have the true insight they claim to have on this matter.
    Outside of the Hispanic community soccer in the US is played by kids from upper middle class families in the US. This is a complete contrast to the rest of the world where it is a sport played by all.
    To most in the US there is nothing more boring than watching soccer and that is a fact. Sorry but the sport blows and we just don’t like it.
    Now stop reading this and go watch a F*ing friendly. So Gay

  163. i am american and i really think that what you said was really dumb america has the best athletes in the world like michael jordan, babe ruth, …etc. and why should it be called football? its soccer dumbass. america is the nicest country in the WORLD. people are jealous of america and thats the reason they say they hate it. exactly why do people never say i want to go to canada? or europe?or the middle east or any other country in the world? because america is the best! Just get it . and i will prove you wrong once america wins the game against england!

  164. America sucks at soccer for some reason
    some american may like it or not..i dont know
    but i do realize something that americans like to play strong sport.. i mean the sport that uses a lot of power and energy like Tennis or american football and obviously i found out Thai boxing(muay Thai)that becoming interesting IN US

    Actually i’m Thai BTW

  165. im sorry to say this but i really think that whoever wrote this is totally stupid. I mean if america isnt as good as other countries such as brasil and germany, it doesnt mean they suck. theyre just not as good as them. is germany good at basketball; no, is france good at baseball, no. go freaking harass them instead of messin with us americans. (the finger)

  166. Soccer?? That’s wrong…the name is “Football” because you play with your feets, in “american football” you play with hands. and you call it football…thats all mixed-up.

    I don’t think americans suck at football, but neither are good playing it, because of this you dont like this sport. if you where really good as Brasilians or British maybe you understand why “Football” is the best and popular sport in the world.

  167. I can’t believe the ignorance of this blog and why I’m even bothering to respond to it. First of all the writer doesn’t even know that the word soccer came from the british. Football was another name for the game which in the UK became the predominant name. Soccer survived here because we had our own version of football (even though we play that mostly with hands).

    Then there are the idiots here who have the audacity to criticize the greatest, biggest sport on the planet and smugly parade their complete and utter lack of knowledge about the sport on here. They have no clue how stupid they sound to people who understand this great sport. They are bored by it becuase they are too thick to understand it and their attention span is stunted, so they can’t hang with it. I would love to see these blockheads who call the sport gay get out there and lay a match. I’d like to see them wince in pain on an ankle stinger, a ball to the face or a kick in the shin. I’d like to see them puking their guts out because there are no time outs!

  168. $10 and 11 people who can jog and kick and I have a soccer team, that’s why it’s so popular.

    What do you expect from people who made Bay Watch the #1 show in the world? There is no accounting for taste.

  169. I believe that we are capable of being the best as was demonstrated in the 2009 Confederations Cup 2-0 victory over World Cup favorite Spain. If the US could play that way every time then we would take the gold in the world cup or at least go into the semifinals. We gave Brazil a scare in the last confederations cup when we were up by 2 at halftime but we seemed to have relented or have become overconfident in ourselves after the half. We still have a way to go before we can be considered a powerhouse, but I am certain that there WILL be a soccer Phenom that will come out of the US, it’s just a matter of time. We have seen this with our neighbors to the south when Hugo Sanchez was playing and soon enough the US will also produce a great player known across the world.

  170. American football is ten times gayer than any other sport specially when they bend over when beginning a play

  171. First off, I am an American. I agree with many of the ideas expressed in this article. For the most part, you are right on, but some of the items toward the end seem to just be filler. It really bothers me how many Americans see “soccer” players and feel about the beautiful game in general. There seems to be this stereotype that “soccer” players are in some way less athletic than athletes of other, more popular, American sports. The common sentiment is that they are “gay.”
    99% of people who believe this are just ignorant Americans and great examples of why Americans are hated by most of the world.
    There just seems to be little funding for “soccer” at the lower levels, so you could either play for the successful traveling baseball or basketball team, or the fledgling traveling “soccer” team.
    Another reason why Americans are inferior to other countries in “soccer” is that many of the people who grow up in urban areas don’t really have an opportunity to play football and are more likely to just play basketball where all they need is a paved surface and a basket, key fixtures in nearly every neighborhood in America.
    I truly believe that there will be large football boom in America if we ever do something impressive on the world stage. Just look at Olympic swimming as an example. Once Michael Phelps won a ridiculous amount of gold medals against the greatest swimmers in the world, people became infatuated with him. If, and when, the U.S. perform well on a national stage, America will instantly be behind them, and act as if they have been all along.

  172. LALALALALALALALALA

    Whatever …saying this.. saying that for what

    people ..i dont get it..whats the point?

    Go outside and kick some football man..Who fucking care

    Wahahahahahahaha

  173. I agree with James… Who are you because maybe 2 if even of those points you made make sense(the cheerleaders one being one of them).. The name- “Soccer” – being one of your 7 points…. Thats rediculous

  174. Wow!

    too much hatred over something which needed a “sporting” attention, my opinion totaly dont go with any of the above comments, coz i think Americans love their games and they never got any support to build the game of “football” to the manitude of basketball or baseball.

    reasons are many but the fact is as we all know sport,games and other forms of competitive fixtures are actually entertainment to many and their followers worship the main contenders, now how will we find a babe ruth of “footbal” overnight i quite agree with mitch to a certain degree, because in absence any support and infrastructutr US team has to come up with some sterling performance to popularise the game in US.

    All said and done the hatred i saw in section is not required, football we all know is a very manly game of none stop adrenaline rush, it is neith british or european if people reseach more, and it deserves some respect, so stop making foolish comments on such a beautiful game

  175. I’d rather be the best at a lot of sports, than decent at one. Fuck soccer. USA USA USA

  176. 1889, socca, later socker (1891), soccer (1895), is a british term, originally university slang (with jocular formation -er; see -er (3)), from a shortened form of Assoc., abbreviation of association in Football Association (as opposed to Rugby football); cf. rugger, but they hardly could have taken the first three letters of Assoc.

  177. America is a country? wtf?? Anyway, United States is no good at soccer because it gets neglected and some public schools dont even have it so = to kids growing up without soccer, thus creating lack of skill in the sport. good day.

  178. Americans suck @ soccer/football because our best Athletes play other sports as was suggested with your introduction.

    If Michael Jordan, Lebron James, or Jerry Rice played, there wouldn’t be a better midfield in the world. We would dominate, just like we do at the Summer Olympics.

    but you can’t get spotlight playing soccer. High School scores don’t even get photos in local newspapers. Highlights on ESPN have their own 5 minute segment. If you want to make any money in the sport, you have to move to Europe, which means no spotlight for Americans.

    Does it suck that a country that sends out it’s third tier athletes is still ranked top-20 internationally every year?

  179. The Oxford English Dictionary (OED) records that the first written use of the word football used to describe a game was in 1424 in an Act forbidding it. The first written use of the word football to describe the ball was 1486, and that the first use as a verb (hence footballing) was in 1599. For the etymology, the OED just indicates it is a compound of foot and ball.

    The word “soccer” originated as an “Oxford ‘-er’” slang abbreviation of “association”, and was popularized by a prominent English footballer, Charles Wreford-Brown. This origin is evident in the sometimes-heard variation, “soccer football.”

    First was called football, later was adopted soccer by U.S. to make a diference with “american football”

  180. I want to start by saying that I am an American, and that I am proud of many things in this country. However, I am truly dumbfounded by all of the ignorant comments that have been posted by my compatriots. After reading so many posts about how America’s main objection to soccer is its homosexuality, (really, people?) I felt compelled to post and attempt to salvage any respect that anyone living outside of the center of the universe, A.K.A the USA (sarcasm), may have had for my country. I am genuinely shocked that these cerebral lightweights have the ability to operate a computer, let alone make it through the entire article and figure out how to post a comment.

    For everyone saying that “no one ever talks about leaving the US and going to Europe or some other gay country”: please go play in traffic. If you could actually open your eyes and realize that we aren’t the only country on earth, you may find that other countries have amazing things to offer and that we aren’t above everyone else like you think.

    As far as American sports and soccer, I agree with some other posters that the main reason for the relative lack of success in soccer is because our best athletes do not play the sport. I won’t say that the US would be the best if Chad Johnson, Lebron James, Kobe Bryant, Ted Ginn Jr., Adrian Petersen, Randy Moss and Rajon Rondo all played soccer, but you have to admit that we would certainly be a much bigger threat to the likes of Brazil, Argentina and Germany.

    The US has excelled in other international tournaments like the Olympics, so there is no denying the talent that this country is capable of producing, but that level of excellence will never be met in soccer unless there is a fundamental change in the way that we view the beautiful game. It could start this summer in South Africa, or it could take longer. All I know is that I hope it happens sooner than later. Until then, vamos Argentina y Messi! Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I am also Argentine :P

  181. I am from Asia(not from China or Korea,though most of the Americans think Asian means Mongolian looking people,trust me,Asia has many other countries also),living in USA and currently in Europe.I should not say every single person of USA is dumb(as Europeans think),neither every one is fat,nor everyone hates football(soccer).I wonder why all of us are so worried if US hates football or not,we don’t care if Europe(other than UK and Holland) plays cricket or not,If Asian subcontinent plays Basketball or not.Its the culture,tradition that is involved,so just leave them alone.
    Dear US citizen,I know you people are extremely proud of your nation,and certainly it has a good free society,but you are the youngest country of the world,which never encountered any war on its on ground(well many consider 9/11 as war)and I have never seen such a protected community in the world,US people just dont know what to do if something is wrong.Please know the world,the world history ,cause hisotry proves that no kingdom lasted for ever,even not romans,not mughals,not Persians even not british.Peace :)

  182. how about this dipships…. we dont suck! we are just getting started to compared to everyone else we are farley new… soccer is not gay it is beautiful i bet half the people that call it gay couldnt even attempt to play it… hardest sport to play period… oh and we are ranked 14 in the world that doesnt sound like we suck… hmm lets get our facts straight idiots… oh by the way just cause your country is good at soccer doesnt mean anything in reality… USA greatest country in the history of the world no doubt about it!

  183. I’m European, and live in Europe. And I can say: soccer IS gay. It just sucks. It’s just running around kicking a ball. Fun for kids who’ve got nothing else to do than to kick coke cans, terribly boring as a real sport. Football, baseball and basketball are simply much more fun.

  184. Firstly I think the blog was way out of line, the American people are well within their rights to like whichever sport they want. The differences in taste are cultural, perhaps part of it was that they didn’t wish to take up the sport of the former coloniser and thus the other 4 big sports had a head start.

    Also at the national level there have been vast improvements, the current national team is the best its ever been. It speaks volumes that the USA are expected to easily qualify for the 2nd round of the world cup. As an England fan I am genuinely concerned that we could come unstuck in the opening game.

    The only thing that does bug me is loads of Americans posting oh so mature comments like Football is for gays. But in their defense they are the ones being attacked initially, by the blog so fair play.

    The only 2 other things I will say is that it is FOOTBALL, don’t know why they must persist in calling it soccer. And sorry but American Football is just Rugby for pussies.

  185. This is the biggest bullshit i’ve ever read and i ‘m european.
    America wont get far i think cause well.. only one reason and thats they dont have the experiaece yet.
    But it will come.
    I ‘m pretty sure america will win alot of world cups in the future.
    We’re talking about a big as country here man they take the best of the best.. more chance in winning something.

    In the future a more fair match would be something like europe vs america.

    And i totally agree on the cheerleading.. i’ve always wondered why we never had any of those, kinda jealous at america.
    Same goes for schools here in europe.. they are so boring man.
    American school they have sport teams etc.
    Schools here in europe are all about learning no alternation what so ever and thats really bad.
    And america has this and you will see in the future america will have the better football*soccer* players.
    Yeah we have soccer clubs outside school but thats only 1 or 2 times a week…which most kids dont even go to or go only once a week and most of those kids are fat :D send by their parents to lose weight.

  186. Oh yeah.. considering this is first time america will go to a world cup.
    Oke thats the first time right or have i missed out on something :O ? anyway..
    Since its the first time america will go to the world cup alot more people in america will support soccer there.. and it will only grow and at the end soccer will be the main sport for usa aswell as in europe..which it allready is ofcourse here in EU.

    Good luck to america : ) you will get there.
    Dont forget to have fun.. most important thing about soccer !
    Kinda hate saying soccer.. but i ‘m talking in english here.

  187. I’m English and was disappointed to start off reading something that would really actually give me an insight as to why the US are not into football but ended up being an article slagging off a nation based on stereotypes. There’s no need.

    In a way I am glad the US don’t like football because I honestly believe that because of their size, population and wealth as well as that winning mentality they could have the means to completely dominate the game worldwide.

    The fact remains though that the US has no world class football role models to look up to who is earning grid iron type money, until that happens kids will have no incentive to take up the game and want to go pro.

    BTW to play ball well using only your feet takes far more skill than using your hands.

  188. First of all, i like how Americans refer to themselves as “us”, like they have some sort of special genes, while in reality, USA is nothing but a mix of different races and nations all wrapped up into 1.

    Second, im gonna teach some of you americans something. Europe, is not a country. Do you think Asia or Africa is a country also?

  189. Actauuly usa is not that bad at soccer(football).We are ranked 14th in the world according to the FIFA rankings and there are some soccer crazy cities in America.St.louis and Portland come to mind.These two cities are probaly better soccer cities then some in Europe especially St.louis

  190. americans suck because they are too picky…they suck because all they worry about is money they have no sportmanship. Eventhough they talk about sportmanship but they never mean it. all about business suck ass americans.

  191. `football` is actually `Association football`. A name that refers to Association rules. The rules were developed in Britain. At that time Britain had a trend for sticking ‘er’ on the end of names. For example Rugby is often called ‘rugger’ So you have aSOC[cer]iation football or SOCCER for short. The name has been around as long as the rules have.

  192. First of all, America IS NOT the best country in the world, let me tell you the only thing they have: Economy. They have no love, no passion, no glory. All they want is to win, win, and win. If they don’t win, they go home and cry about it, simple as that. Americans are the ignorant, abnoxious, RACIST, people you can meet on this earth. Morally advertised commercials for their immoral benifits.

    Let me tell you what basketball is: bouncing a ball and throwing it into a net for TWENTY MINUTES, with THREE FIVE MINUTE BREAKS.

    And baseball: one of the most boring sports in the world, first of all, the players don’t even get tired.

    And don’t even get me started with gay, American football. First, this gay sport originated from the beautiful game.
    Second, this just proves how violent Americans, or ‘Warheads’ , are.
    Third, I have no idea in the world why it’s called “Football”, when they use their feet not even 1/8 of the time.
    Plus, most of them use steroids.
    And fourth, IT”S GAY!!! Who wants to play a sport where the only thing you do is touch men, spank their asses, and dogpile on top of them? I don’t.

    And I don’t even need to say anything about golf.

    In almost every other country, people actually have pride and passion for their country. In U S GAY, all the white people do is brag about their economy.

    Thats why I love my country and support every other one except U S GAY.

  193. I don’t see why there has to be such hostility and name calling. I can understand rivalry, which is good-natured even with teeth on the pavement.

    However, you are talking about a nation that is barely 250 years old – the youngest child of the group. I am an American, and I am proud of my country, and I can also acknowledge our shortcomings.

    It would be great to be accepted into the traditional football community, where even bitter rivalries help to create brotherhood.

    The obstacles to this come from both the young nation lashing out as well as the old guard that refuses to accept the United States as a serious competitor based on our country’s ambition and excitable pride, as well as some old wounds left behind.

    I’ll admit that some of our sports are in disarray, what with drug scandals and sketchy regulation. I personally would have no problem with having the U.S. team forced to comply with international regulations.

    As a spectator though, when I try to appreciate a game that I grew up playing for fun, and a die-hard fan of professional football (not futbol norteamericano) tells me that I am wasting my time watching HIS game, it makes me less sympathetic when i hear complaints about how Americans have no respect for the sport.

    I suggest that both sides come to an agreement so that we can actually enjoy the game, put aside these stupid arguments, and concentrate on the rivalry and pride between teams as was oiginally intended

  194. It really boils down to one reason. The sport isn’t popular here. In most nations of the world, Soccer (Football, whatever) is the most popular sports, so from their earliest ages the best athletes in said countries start playing. Here in many places it falls behind Basketball, Baseball, Football and Hockey, not to mention even sports like Lacrosse and Track at times. Which means our best athletes very rarely ever learn to play it. Look to see a change in the next few decades, as Latin Americans become are larger section of our cultural, you will see the sport become more important and the US improve.

  195. Well, you got a couple right. We do think that a no-hands sport is silly, if not down-right primitive. Cheerleaders, yeah, but that’s going to be an issue in some countries. And you hit the nail on the head, with the 1-break, 90 minute game, but not for the reason you think. For soccer to be popular, it requires television. Television requires commercials. Commercials require regular breaks in the game.

    But there are other reasons:

    1. The clock runs the wrong way. Duh. Nobody cares how long the game has been going on. They care how much time is left. Which brings up…

    2. Tacking on an apparently arbitrary amount of time to the end of the game. The game should be over when the clock hits zero. Again, duh! Soccer has a lack of transparency in its officiating. We have to just take their word that the time being added on is correct. That’s bull, and will NEVER fly in the US.

    3. The players are prima donnas. They take a minor hit, and act like someone ripped their spleen out. Look at baseball. You got people firing baseballs at your head at 90+mph, and people sliding right at you, spiked shoes forward. But soccer? “He tapped me with his elbow!! Wahhhhh!!!”.

    4. Resolution of ties. Freaking ridiculous! “Hey, we’ve got a tie here, so let’s resolve it by PLAYING A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT GAME.” WTF???? When a baseball game ties, guess what? WE KEEP PLAYING BASEBALL. We don’t have a race to see who can round the bases the fastest. When there’s a tie in basketball, we don’t have a free-throw contest to decide it. You don’t decide the outcome of a game, by playing a different game. And this flaw in the game only exists to cover up another flaw in the game. Which brings us to…

    5. And just why don’t they keep on playing soccer to decide a tie? Because the scoring to too freaking low. A low scoring game doesn’t always mean a boring game, but it often does in soccer. And it also means that if one team manages to be up several goals, the game’s pretty much over. In any other sport, it’s got to be a real blow-out at the half, to completely count out the other team. And in an untimed game like baseball, it’s ALWAYS possible for the underdog to surge ahead and win. It’s not that uncommon for a team to score 4 runs in the bottom of the 9th. But for a soccer team to come back from a 3-0 deficit in the last 10 minutes – not going to happen. At least, not often enough to keep hope alive in heart of the team’s fans.

    6. Image. In the US, soccer is seen as something for children to do until they get old enough to play real sports. And it’s okay for women to play, but real men don’t prance around on field in shorts. Sexist? Yeah. But that doesn’t mean it’s not how a lot of people think.

    7. And finally, we don’t embrace soccer because… we don’t need to. We’ve already got more sports than we can possibly watch. Why watch something that we think is inferior in so many ways to the sports we already have?

    Considering the focus of this website, I’m sure this will be roundly blasted. I expect it. But just like soccer, we don’t care.

  196. Several reasons we here in the USA really don’t care about Soccer.

    First, it’s for people from lesser nations. The US, China, Russia, Japan and India pay piddling attention to Soccer, we big muscular nations have our own sports thank you very much, but we’ll play Soccer for giggles.

    Second, we’re constantly being told that we have to embrace this game. We don’t give a damn what sport you think we should embrace.

    Third, our best Male athletes don’t play this game, not even close, why would they.

    Fourth, it’s really easy to beat up a Soccer player.

    Fifth, if we did channel our best, or even our second best athletes into Soccer, we’d own the sport, but there’s nowhere enough money in it here in the USA.

    Sixth, we have a saturated sports culture already.

    Seventh, Baseball, Hockey and Basketball all have participants from all over the world that strive to play here in the USA and we like to have them here, it makes us better when we siphon off all the rest of the world’s best talent, and that we do.

    Eighth, Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and few of us see beauty in Soccer.

  197. Hand sports are gay…is much more easy to play with your hands instead your feets.

    Americans suck at soccer because they are used to play hand sports.

  198. I hope people who have left comments are reading the new comments coming through, because I am just boggled.

    I was born and raised in the U.S.A., but there are comments other Americans have left that almost make me ashamed to be associated with them. Please, for those from other countries, not all of us are that sexist, ignorant, and hateful.

    I have always been a fan of “soccer” and I really hope that one day, it becomes more mainstream.

    Also, for those truly ignorant out there: soccer is a very demanding sport that requires considerable skill, strength, agility, and a lot of endurance. I guarantee that for people saying it’s a sissy sport, you’d get your ass handed to you and then some.

  199. I’ll give you a picture of why soccer/football hasn’t worked so far in the U.S. I’m and American but my parents had only just moved here before I was born. My father is Spanish/Moroccan and My Mother is German (Both from strong soccer/football cultures).

    When I was very young everyone played soccer, both boys and girls. Soccer was played in the fall, Basketball in the winter, and Baseball in the spring. At the age of 12 all the male athletes switched their fall sport to American football. Before that age, because it was a full contact sport, American football wasn’t allowed. Some stayed with soccer but these tended to be those who were less gifted at athletics.

    However, soccer remained popular for girls because there was no option to play American football. This has basically led to the general view in the U.S. that soccer is a girl’s sport and as far as woman’s soccer goes we’re quite good!

    Nonetheless, soccer is slowly gaining momentum here. Mostly due to the U.S. becoming a more Latin country through immigration trends which is providing a fan base that is making it economically viable. It is also played by professionals in the summer when there is little competition except from baseball. Whether it ever really takes off is hard too tell but most likely it will remain a fringe sport for at least some time.

  200. I, an American who’s played Soccer since I was 4, agree with most of your statements. I think you’re missing the most important point, though.

    What’s most important to Americans (well, besides “freedom”)?

    MONEY

    Growing up, I played Soccer only when I had scheduled games. When I was at home with my friends I’d play basbeall, American football, basketball, lacrosse, and even street hockey more often than I’d play soccer.

    I find this weird, because soccer is the simplest, cheapest game to pick up and play. All you need is a ball and a flat space. Thats not enticing to american businessmen. How can they make money if people only buy one soccer-ball every two years?

    Contrast this with baseball, where you need a glove and a baseball bat, both of which can be very expensive, and both of which must be replaced frequently as you grow.

    This also explains the “No Breaks” point. American Football and Baseball are the perfect American Sports because they allow the most time for advertising.

    All hope is not lost, however. People watch what they’re familiar with. Americans think Soccer is boring because they didn’t grow up with it. That is begining to change though. At least in the Northeast, where I live, almost every kid from the suburbs plays soccer for at least one year when they’re little. Where do you think the term “Soccer Mom” came from?

    The more familiar our population gets with the game of Soccer, the less boring they’ll find it to watch.

  201. Wow, this article and it’s comments were fun to read. I am an American who has very little interest in -football- and if you’re wondering why I’m commenting, it’s b/c I google searched “why do Americans suck at soccer” as a whimsical curiosity. Here is my take:

    The article: typical British mentality humor (hilarious through dead-pan irony and satire) written by an intellectual who writes like a churl for fun. Excellent lay reasoning but overall more of a fun joke as who can’t help but agree with many statements of the author- it’s fun!

    My take on why Americans suck at their soccer/your football (now let me humor you): from anecdotal life evidence, I’ve come to note an interest by American men of what I dub “man sports” aka MMA, rugby, lacrosse, american football, hockey, and so forth with other aggressive sports. When we see soccer for the first time however, it’s played by boys and girls and co-ed teams. It’s a fun sport to us but not a man-sport by any stretch as not enough violence. I mean sprinting on and off sucks and is entirely athletic but no raw aggression vented through a suitable conduit.

    It does not help either when our women talk about how pretty the world’s football players are either. We already have enough pretty frat boys and homosexual males to tackle this so much that the average white and blue collared male here does not wish to associate with such perceived frivolity. Give us more rugby league! There’s a sport we can respect. Strength, athleticism, aggression. (It does need cheerleaders too- a major factor of why it hasn’t over taken american football).

    Here, many many straight men appreciate and strive to emulate on occasion men who look like…well, men. Observe any red-blooded American who watches the New Zealand rugby team do their haka dance and you will see the smile of an impressed man. If Manchester-United were to do such a thing, the average male here would abjectly turn away and think “what a bunch a puffs”.

    And yes, though fun comes in many forms, we Americans highly respect the full usage of the whole body, particularly what made humans so successful in the first place aside from our cerebral flexing: the opposable thumb. You have hands idiot- use them! We find such rules that negate such usage challenging as anyone, yet extremely silly.

    Personally, if I were to put money down on it, I believe that if some crazy American businessman (not hard to find) created a sport that starts off like football and has the following additions:
    cheerleaders, full contact via tackles and pushing, grabbed the ball when it makes logical sense to do so, the players looked like freight trains, the majority of women who played in their league were lesbians while most women shied away from playing it, and could run over the goalie to score and called it soccer 2.0…Americans would go ape-shit for such a sport. But not 1.0…so hey, enjoy a bit of globalization with out us for once!

    • Finally, someone who gets what the article is about. After all the abuse this article has received, glad to know there are sensible people out there.

      cheers.

  202. I saw #2 of your GENIUS thoughts and couldnt stop laughing…. really? REALLY? the name of this stupid thing is “7 reasons americans suck at SOCCER” right? SOCCER you say? in the title? HAHAHA you feel dumber the more you say it? yet… you constantly call football SOCCER? write a new one… 7 reasons why your such a hypocrite, you obviously call it sawker too. :)

  203. Interesting observations. Just a few comments:

    #2 SOCCER NAME – This was done for safety purposes to distinguish between the sports. If you want to sell the sport here, it cannot share the same name as America’s favorite shoulderpad sport. For instance, if you advertised a football match in Texas, and it was a Euro style football match, you’d be gorged with a bull horn or run over by a Chevy truck.

    #3 NO BREAKS – We don’t like commercials breaks, either. I think you missed the ball here, though. For a game that runs as long as football, scoring a few piddly points in between long stretches of running back and forth has been claimed long ago by baseball. At least with baseball, you could sing a song at the middle of the 7th inning.

    #4 WE HATE IT BECAUSE WE’RE BAD AT IT – We’d produce the best soccer players on the planet if the MLS paid well. Right now, Americans who want to play premiere league football have to jump across the pond to earn a good wage. Americans like to play in America, where they — and not the WAGS — can be the center of attention. Unless you’re a hockey player going up north to Canada, Americans going overseas to play a sport is normally done when you’re not good enough to play in our own leagues. American football, baseball, basketball and hockey are the big 4 because they pay big money. I think the MLS pays what you can make if you work overtime as a window washer.

    #5 – We have a new President now who has diplomatic skills and can read past the 4th grade level. Couldn’t you, at the very least, like us again?

    #6 CHEATING – Soccer is popular in those former Eastern Euro blocs that produced female swimmers that had Popeye’s muscles. This is not a valid argument.

    #7 CHEERLEADERS – There are no cheerleaders in either hockey or baseball. In fact, the world’s slowest sport might be baseball, with at least 36% of its players coming from other countries. It is, however, America’s national past time and retains its popularity for one single reason: WE HAVE GREAT ANNOUNCERS. That’s right…soccer announcers have no color. It’s droll chatter that we get here in the States. The History Channel has better commentators during its WW2 documentaries. Baseball announcers call their plays as if they’re your friend, share anecdotes and have the ability to translate their love of the game to an audience that might otherwise become bored out of their skulls.

  204. really good article and comments.

    1. football is number one sport in the world. usa= not world.
    2. its football and not soccer, after X counts as Y in C. im writing from Europe, ( i would not mention my country name as im sure 80% of Americans never heard of that)
    3.USA will get big in international football if they will invest in social and fiscal infrastructure. 300 M of people will one day produce talents.
    4.football is not gay. seriously no. (baseball players have round asses, but still i don’t think baseball is gay sport)
    5.i like aggressive sports or man sports. so, American football – is like watching transformers playing football – i like best rugby. baseball – i really don’t understand the rules – im ignorant on that. basketball its ok but every sec a score thats too much for me. i would go with feminine tennis ;)

  205. As an expat living in Amsterdam I am now living the world cup (the Dutch just beat Denmark). Your reasoning is typical European thought and overcomplicates reality. Soccer is an ugly redheaded, late-comer stepchild we simply do not want to adopt because we love the children we already have. You can only play with so many kids. Simplified enough?

  206. And American football predates soccer by fourteen years, so we have dibs on the name football – sorry.

    • Rugby (started in England, 1823) was introduced to North America by the British Army in Montreal in 1868, which played a series of games with McGill University.

      Basically American Football was a british sport, just got renamed for some reason.

    • The Sheffield Football Club, the world’s oldest soccer club, was founded in 1857. The Football Association (for soccer) was founded in 1863. So football/soccer is older than american football – sorry.
      And since football/soccer uses feet more than american football it’s more logical to name it football.

  207. These are the 7 reasons? Your kidding right? The reasons why are #1 and a big # 1. No scoring. The purpose of any game is to score more than your opponent (except golf which isn’t really a sport but a game). All of soccer rules are designed to prevent scoring. there are only a few actual plays. They don’t work often either, hence your typical 1-0 scores. I’ll watch the game but it seems like it lacks strategy for long periods of time, just kicking it back and forth. I don’t think its that complex that all of the US just doesn’t “get it”. With a field that big it shouldn’t take that long to get into the offensive zone. Another reason, we have enough sports.

  208. I watch soccer once every four years. During the World Cup. I do not watch the MLS. The reason Americans don’t care about soccer as a whole is pretty simple. We have four major sports that we follow and soccer isn’t one of them. We didn’t grow up watching it on TV. We have football (the NFL), baseball, basketball and hockey. Those are the four sports in this country. Here’s the thing I really don’t get about soccer fans from other countries. Take the premier league for example. They spend all season as bitter rivals, yet when the World Cup starts, all of England is mad about their team, and Manchester United fans are hugging Arsenal fans when Beckham scores. WHAT??!?!? Could you imagine Philadelphia Eagle and Dallas Cowboys fans hugging in ANY scenario? Yankee/Red Sox? That just doesn’t work here in America. In America, our “club” teams are what rule. In the rest of the world, they put their country’s team over their club teams. Even back in 1992 when the Olympics allowed the USA to use professional basketball players creating the “Dream Team” that stomped all over everyone en route to the gold, USA basketball fans were MUCH more concerned with the 1992 NBA Finals pitting the Chicago Bulls against the Portland TrailBlazers. Again, club teams are what rules here.

  209. the article seems to be written from the same type of ignorant viewpoint americans often are accused of possessing. let me educate.

    2. name….we cant very well go start calling football handball….cause ya know, using one’s foot IS part of the game, no matter what some mate may have told you. we call it soccer cause you call is association football. yer dumb fault for adding an unnecessary modifier. +1 to america for yoinking.

    3. breaks…i feel that too much time from a football game is spent on commercials….though at a high school (non televised) game, the 4 breaks after each quarter are very welcome. the pace of the game lends to a more strategic style of play. chess > checkers. yes, i called soccer checkers. wanna make something of it?

    4. we arent bad at soccer. in fact, we have the best athletes in the world. what’s really going on is that the rest of the world is too timid to take on the big kid on the block, so they small time it with soccer. get it, cause soccer players are little? i think this also addresses point 5.

    6. cheating…are you serious? besides from anti-doping, which football STRONGLY regulates through random drug testing, how about we address the titty-babies that you can see taking dives and pretending to be injured? men do not drop to the ground unless they can’t get up. it’s a stupid part of the game and i hate it that basketball harbors the same mentality.

    7. cheerleaders…you seem to be mistaken about the point of cheerleaders. soccer doesnt need them cause soccer doesnt have breaks. unless you mean that you need the diversion to break the monotony of a soccer game, which i can understand. when your team is on offense in football, youre supposed to remain silent in order to not provide any unnecesarry distractions for your team.

    you know what i’d really love to see? any other country in the world put up a football team that could compete in our NFL. i would even support those gawdawful overseas games if only to demonstrate what dominance is.

    in closing, i would like to address the international community. please keep tooting those vuvuzelas. the soft buzzing provides the perfect white noise to put me right to sleep during the abominably boring scoreless world cup matches. it’s kinda like watching racing on tv where you doze until you see a wreck, then go back to sleep.

  210. Americans aren’t good at soccer because our best athletes play basketball and football. Those that don’t play baseball run track to keep in good basketball and football shape. If the Big 3 sports don’t interest someone and they are from Minnesota they play hockey. In America, kids that are too soft to play football, too short to play basketball, and throw a baseball like a girl might find a home with soccer. In this way when they get tripped they can roll around like a little girl until a guy pulls out a yellow card and not get made fun of for being a giant Pu$$.

  211. Alls I know is I’ve been playing soccer/football in U.S. for a while. It doesn’t really matter how popular it is. It’s just fun to play.

  212. Dear Ahmed,

    Pakistan’s FIFA ranking is 165th. The most popular sport is cricket…….I rest my case. Let someone from a country who is ranked in the top 150 criticize USA football. Let me know when Pakistan wins a World Cup game and we can talk.

    Thanks

  213. 1. You kind of have a point, but I’m only partially sure about this one. It might be one of the reasons our goalies are some of the best in the world (Tim Howard is excellent). You got the placement of your goalkeeping comment in the wrong spot.

    2. All right, on the widely complained about (mostly by the Brits) “soccer” title, it’s your own freaking fault. The nickname soccer was created to differentiate between ASSOCIATION RULES football and Rugby Rules football. By you lot. So don’t give us shit for using your own damned nickname. If you thought it was stupid, you shouldn’t have started using it yourself.

    3. Golf is not an American invention, and hardly a sport we like to watch. We mock it often. The fact that you think it IS a favorite sport shows how little you know about American society.

    4. You do have a point, but look at countries like England. Soccer is LIFE, where Americans have a laundry list of other sports. While our huge population gives us some allowance there, most of our population is out of soccer after year 12.

    5. Not how it used to be, and not how it’s gonna be forever. Status as a country waxes and wanes, especially with Americans. That’s not a very valid reason.

    6. Absolute bullshit: performance-enhancing drugs “not strictly regulated in US sports?” Obviously you’ve never kept up with US sports, because that is absolute tosh. We have a huge number of different sports and leagues to monitor, and if you’ve seen American news you know people who do that get busted. There are a number of regulations. Don’t make yourself seem ignorant.

    7. Baseball doesn’t have cheerleaders. The “American pastime” doesn’t have cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are not a necessity. Come up with a more valid point. Honestly.

    I believe I have responded to all your ‘reasons’, and my conclusion is: these are not the reasons why we suck at soccer. It’s about the type of training and the scarcity of training. Also, no pick up games, different types of sports, yada yada yada. Please do more accurate research next time instead of just tossing out insulting comments.

  214. I’m an American and sports lover. Yes, we are mediocre at soccer. I don’t think the rest of the world truly realizes how low soccer is on the list of sports to play here. Depending on where you live here, it’s guaranteed that baseball, football, basketball, track and friend, running, swimming and hockey will come first. On the coasts water sports take attention away. In the north east, lacrosse takes players away. Just by using common sense, I would think that volleyball is much more popular as well. Auto racing is immensely popular here as well. Many of these sports are not nearly as popular elsewhere. To be good in soccer you have to play as a child. In any sport, the greats play when they are little. Father’s can’t properly teach their children the skills necessary. Also, and most importanly, the children that get pushed into soccer usually are the runts of the liter. They are the short or small or bullied children with moms that worry about their safety in other sports. Essentially, our soccer players are the band geeks or nerds. We have our worst and least athletic playing it. Instead of the world bragging about how much better they are at the sport. Maybe they should realize just how sad it is that they can’t trounce us at their passion. Our best male athletes are elsewhere. Women here don’t have the same handicaps and are very dominant in soccer internationally. So my question is, why can’t the rest of the world’s women beat the fat American women?

  215. It would be impossible to say it any better than Adamo.

  216. If there were money in soccer, Americans would be a world powerhouse. Instead, our best athletes go to football, basketball, baseball and hockey. Its as simple as that.

  217. I am American/Portuguese(born and breecd in the U.S.A. and you are spot on. I am hopng portugal takes the cup. Its true that americans are wet behind the ears when it comes to football. This is the only country that calls it soccer, idiots.

  218. American sport fans dislike football because there is an enormous amount of time where NO TEAM NOR PLAYER threatens to score. You cannot score from anywhere on the field like American football or baseball. Basketball and hockey transition from offense to defense in a flash. There is no drama within the drama. The offense is so severly handicapped in football that a penalty kick is awarded for a foul in a huge area in front of the goal and the kick is so close you are demonized if you miss it. The best chance to score is to be fouled in the penalty area. In American sports the closer you get to the goal the harder the defense plays, but fouls or penalties do not result in a 95% chance of success that ultimately decides games.
    Finally, the one thing Americans will not nor will they ever understand, is how a New Zealeand tie with Italy is the greatest achievement in NZ football history. A TIE? Are you kidding me? A tie is cause for nationwide celebration? Americans hate ties and will not stand for it. A winner must be decided. Determining a winner by penalty kicks is beyond absurdity. Americans will play on for 6 hours if necessary to decide a winner.

  219. Soccer is a great sport. American Football is one of the ‘gayest’ sport there is. Not that there is anything wrong with being gay, but c’mon, skin tight pants, piling up on each other at every turn, shoulder ‘pads’, one or more excuses to ‘tackle’ the other dude, c’mon people, let’s not ignore the OBVIOUS here.

    And, as for cheerleaders, sexualizing everything is not a good idea. Cheerleaders, no matter for what reasons they came to be a ‘part’ of sports have no real reason to be there. The FANS are the CHEERLEADERS and that’s how it should be. I am a guy and I like to watch porn but, as the world is turning nowdays, we should not sexualize every damn thing in every way. Leave sports out of it. It may seem ironic after my American Football comment but this is how I see it.

  220. I grew up in Europe. There Soccer is a culture, heritage, religion. Stores close to see their favorite team play. Just look at the coverage of the World cup here. Espn doesnt re run the games that are played 6 am consistently. The biggest sport in the world is having its biggest tournament and ESPN the biggest sport channel here shows car lifting and golf. In other countries there is constant coverage of the games, they keep showing the game of the day all day.
    Where I grew up we did not have soccer moms and station wagons and making appointment to play soccer. When we wanted to play which was everyday, we would play in the street with cars passing by, it did not matter. I for one would go to a couple of friend houses and blow a whisle and in 10 minutes we had a bunch of guys setting up goals to and bringing a ball to play. Here, your mom has to drive you to the field and sit there waiting for you and posting the accomplishment on facebook. Soccer is a culture which US doesn’t have the spirit for.
    I have never been inspired by the way US plays soccer. They think by muscling your way in the game, that is the way to play. Soccer is not just a sport, it is an art form, it is a dance. Just watch Brazil or Holland play, watch Italy and Germany. One ting that US does is before games they procastinate a win if they are not playing a major team. Look what they were saying about SLovenia before the game, or look what they were saying about Iran in World cup 98. “Oh, Iran would be an easy win for us”. The other thing they do besides trash talking others is all the crying after they loose. Oh, the ref, or too many unjust fouls on us. I gotta tell you this George bush attitude in soccer is not going to gain the respect of the world. US needs to be humble about its ability in soccer and accept that even some third world countries are better than them because in that country soccer is the only favored game.

  221. interesting article but it misses the main reason the USA doesn’t have a great national team. What you identify as symptoms in the beginning of your article are in fact the real reasons.

    We dont have a feeder system. If Micheal Owen had been born pretty much anywhere in the US
    his chances of ending up on the US national team are really small.

    Lots of kids play soccer when they are young, but it is on a very uncompetitive basis. Very few of our schools play competitive soccer. High school soccer is not even in the top 10 sports in most parts of the country. And the college level soccer is not much better than intermural levels. There is almost no coverage of college soccer and I doubt 1% of the population even knows there is an ncaa champion much less who that champion is.

    Our domestic league is only 17 years old. it is very small… there are only 16 pro teams and two of those are not in the usa (toranto and chiva mexico). Their games are not televised on the major networks and are hardly covered in most newspaper sports pages. Very few Americans can even name half the teams and with but a few exceptions the games are poorly attended. There is no second league, no relegation much less the 4 to 6 leagues that exist in most soccer playing countries. What minor league soccer that does exist is really really tiny…

    Until recently soccer wasn’t given much coverage on the sports channels. Lots of sports call in shows and sports talk radio and tv openly derided the sport and refused to even talk about it at all. In the 60′s, 70′s and 80s most people in the usa didn’t even know we had a national team. That changed in 1994 when we hosted the cup, but soccer was still hardly ever mentioned on tv. As recently as 2002 there was virtually no supporting coverage of the World Cup on TV.

    The good news is that a lot of this is changing…. TV coverage of the cup this time is 10 times better than in 2002 and 1000 times better than 1990. We now have soccer camps and development facilities and a talented child born now has a much better chance of being able to find his way into pro soccer career.

    But… we still have a ways to go.

  222. Dorkmiester is an idiot. American Football is gay? Give me a break. The weakest link on a real football team(the kicker or punter), would beat the crap out of ANY soccer player. And there are some kickers in thier 40′s. I would kill myself if I had to watch a whole season of soccer. I typed in ‘soccer sucks’ in google, and was directed to this page. And what is up with hooligans? Vuvazula? You people can keep soccer. And it will never be big in America because IT SUCKS! And the old boy who wrote this article says soccer makes him feel dumb when he says the word. You f’ing web address has soccer in it douchebag.

  223. i dont know where this guy getting his ideas about football not getting popular in the USA these 7 reasons make no sence. i been in USA for 20 years i played football american football baseball and basketball they all are great sports and i loved the cheerleaders especially the Lakers cheerleaders it adds a sexy look at the game and it keeps the team in mind.the diffrent for football is its been around longer and its popular around the world so there is a market for it .when David Beckham came to the untied states and got payed 200 millions he helped put the name of USA on the football map yes people laughed about it including me calling him an idiot but look at the us now the goal in the game with Algeria was amazing i think it was the best in the game so far and it has a future i think in the next 50years people well start licking the game more and it well have a fever in the us but now theres no time for it and no marketing .and football is fun to play not using your hands makes it hard and talented and tough i got hit many times in the stomach with ball and its painful in the end this guy has no idea how american think there mentality above his reasons after all there are good at everything and someday they well be good at football.huh it funny to read reason #6 you cant cheat at the game lets go back in time to the 80s mr digo maradona got caught in a drug test in the USA and was discualafid from the games.in the end i hope someone agrees with me and enjoy the 2010 world cup GO USA

  224. I completely agree with Point # 4. Americans are a goal/results-oriented society. Hence, a disposable society.

    Americans hate losing! Social Scientists refer to this phenomenon as CORF’ing. Cutting Off Resulting Failure.

    It’s like when the news broke that football player, Tilman, instead of coming back a war hero with captured dead or alive Bin Ladin over his shoulder, he was shot by his own guys, the news practically squelched it- it’s in the American psyche to dismiss, and/or completely ignore bad news. We run away from issues that we can’t control.

  225. The only one of your 7 ‘reasons’ that has any validity to it is #5. Yes, most of the world doesn’t like us, at least not until a natural disaster devastates their country, or a dictator maniac commits genocide on its people, or drug war lords lay siege to innocent citizens. Then everyone looks to the U.S., EXPECTING us to come in and save them like we always do. And that’s exactly what happens, our taxpayers spend billions upon billions of dollars in relief, aid, and support and don’t expect anything in return. That’s how we roll.

    Mankind has never seen a greater nation than the United States of America, and that’s why we’re disliked, but it’s almost purely out of jealousy. When you’re the richest, most powerful, and most prosperous nation in the history of civilization then you need to be ready to take some jabs from those who don’t have what you do. BUT, the only haters are the ones who haven’t already tried to immigrate here. Everyone in the world wants to come to America, and that’s a fact. How many Americans do you see trying to immigrate elsewhere?? Exactly . . .

    It’s fine that most of the world doesn’t like us. It doesn’t bother us because it doesn’t have to. It’s like when I get crappy service from the 20-something year old guy at McDonald’s. I don’t get mad at him because I’m pretty damn sure my life is a whole lot better than his, after all he’s working at McDonald’s. See, we don’t need to beat up on the rest of the world like they do to us. I mean, if you’re 6′-6″ and a little 5′-5″ retarded kid tried to start a fight with you, you’d just shrug him off or walk away. It would actually be comical. There’s no satisfaction in beating up a retard is there?? So for all you America haters out there just remember that when you want a better life for you and your family you can always come here and we’ll welcome you with open arms . . . as long as you come here legally!

    Now I’m going to tell you the REAL reason why Americans suck at soccer (and yes we do suck at it, one of the very few things we do suck at): We didn’t grow up with it, plain and simple. We grow up watching football (American), baseball, and basketball. Even hockey isn’t all that popular – only in certain parts of the country. The same goes with soccer. It’s a safe little simple game that only our children and women play. Everyone here plays soccer until around the age of 10 or so, then we move on to big boy sports. Those who play soccer at a later age are the ones who got cut from either the football, baseball, or basketball teams. OR they’re the ones who were too small and weak to play anything else. Or they have vagina’s.

    Also, we like sports with action and drama. Now granted, baseball can lack both most of the time. But almost nothing beats a walk-off homerun or walk-off hit. That would be equivalent to a game winning goal with no time remaining. Has that EVER even happened in soccer?? We like game winning shots at the buzzer, game winning 90 yard drives, and walk-off homeruns. In soccer exciting is if you break a 0-0 tie with less than 5 minutes remaining. Ugh.

    What’s with all the floppers in soccer? They’re seriously a bunch of drama queens – you see their faces as they go down in slow motion? What a bunch of pansies. In America, we don’t respect pansies. We respect toughness. There’s nothing more spineless than a player faking an injury, or faking the severity of an injury, in hopes that the ref will red card someone so your team can have a man advantage. It’s a tactic that is for cowards and deserves no respect. Even your European basketball players have adopted it as part of their game and we immediately saw right through it. That’s why they have a reputation for being soft.

    Also, all soccer is is running back and forth a bunch. It’s soooo boring. I’ve watched a couple games and will find it a little exciting when a player is able to do a tricky little dribble? (I don’t know any of the lingo) past a guy. But then 9 times out of 10 nothing happens. It hardly ever leads to any scoring. We wouldn’t watch basketball either if it were nothing but this: dribble down court, ball gets stolen, passes to teammate, ball gets stolen, ball gets stolen again, passes to teammate, dribbles, ball get stolen, ball goes out-of-bounds, (6 minutes later) ball gets stolen, dribbles down court, passes to teammate, passes to another teammate, passes back, ball gets stolen, (4 minutes later) passes to teammate, he shoots from the top of the key and misses – score still tied 10-10 with 8 minutes left in the 3rd quarter.

    Look, every four years we get behind our nation in the World Cup. And for most of us it’s the only time we’ll pay any attention to soccer. It’s a national pride thing. And once the U.S. is eliminated we stop watching. The only reason the rest of the world has a problem with this is because we ARE the focus of the world. Every time I travel overseas (about once every two years) I always see shows and newscasts about what’s going on in the States. I’ve lived overseas twice, and in both places you couldn’t walk a couple feet without seeing something that’s U.S. related. That’s the influence we have on the world. We understand this, that’s why we’re the most charitable nation in the world.

    The rest of the world should feel fortunate that the U.S. has no interest in soccer because if we did we’d be dominating it by now. We would probably even revolutionize the game with a lineup of 6′-6″ 220 lb. guys that all run 4.3 forties. Believe it. We have the most physically gifted and talented people on planet Earth. The world has never seen athletes like what we produce on a daily basis, so feel fortunate and appreciate what you have . . .

  226. I think that these reasons are amazing. I am an Asian girl who just typed in “USA SUCKS AT SOCCER” and this is what I got. I live in America and I do believe that the US sucks.

  227. A few people are arguing that there isn’t enough scoring. Personally, less points makes for a much more exciting game. Anyone watch the USA – Algeria game? You can’t tell me if the score was [Algeria 42 - 40 USA] and that the USA scored their fourth field goal to come back and win the game (after watching 3 hours worth of an hour long game ZzZzZzZz) that it would be more exciting than scoring the ONLY goal of the match in the 91st minute.

  228. To begin, before I address the blatant imbecility of this article, I’m provoked to respond to the comments posted by Dorkmeister and Ruben.

    A) Cheerleaders are awesome. Now I’m certainly not saying that American sports need cheerleaders. However, any opportunity, or excuse, to see cute girls – in attractive outfits – should never be deemed unnecessary.
    B) American football isn’t half as gay as soccer…”Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay”…right, Dorkmeister? American football players, along with rugby players, are probably some of the toughest athletes on the planet. I doubt that you’d have the courage to call any NFL player gay, to his face. Where as, I would have no qualms about telling David Beckham or Ronaldo my opinion or soccer. That is, if they could hear me over all those noisy hair-dryers and gossiping women, at their beauty solons.
    C) Ruben, you said that US fans don’t have the “Spirit” for soccer culture. Seriously? As I type, all across the US, kids are out in their respective parks/streets – in their respective neighborhoods – playing baseball/stickball, basketball, football, and hockey. The simple fact that you and your pals played ‘street’ soccer does not make you any more special, more unique, or more spirited than the average seven year-old American lad. Get over yourself.
    D) Ruben calls soccer, “An artform…a dance.” Uhm…refer back to point B. I’m sorry Ruben, but us men, and awesome women, are going to talk about sports now. Okay? Thanks, doll.

    Moving on to the article, I don’t know if I could state it any better than did Hula and Adamo. They pretty much covered all of the bases (that’s a ‘real sport’ analogy), but I’ll have a crack at it.

    1. No hands – The last I checked, the US Olympic track & field team was a tad bit better than the UK’s and Pakistan’s.
    2. Soccer – This was just a ridiculous point. However, we can just blame this on those creative Brits. They came up with the name, in the first place.
    3. No breaks – Americans hate commercials and T.V. time-outs. The only things Americans hate more are: monotony, seemingly-pointless and mundane repetition without scoring, and games that end in a tie/draw. OMG, talk about 90 wasted minutes…without even a cheerleaders’ half-time show, no less.
    4. They hate it – I disagree. We just don’t like it as much as our main 4 or 5 (tennis) sports. It’s targeted at our lesser athletes. It’s low-scoring nature makes it less enjoyable to watch. It’s not as well-liked in prep-school or college, because it hasn’t been around as long as other, more traditional American sports. And, on the pro level, MLS soccer players earn about as much as the Laker Girls. It’s more about love than it is about hate. If you were a talented young athlete, and you had the opportunity to choose another sport, wouldn’t you love yourself enough to do so?
    5. No one likes Americans – BREAKING NEWS FLASH–AMERICANS DON’T CARE. No offense to the rest of the globe, but Americans haven’t cared since WWII. The Queen could do the Jig on the American flag, while burning a ‘greenback’, and 99% of Americans wouldn’t even bat an eyelash. That’s not why we suck at soccer. We don’t need international aid (I.E. David Beckham). We have the domestic resources to ‘save’ ourselves. We just don’t care enough about soccer to actually do anything about it, yet.
    6) It’s illegal to cheat – Uhm…the United States Congress…professional baseball…hello? This point was also ridiculous. Americans do not tolerate cheaters. American athletes that compete in international competition are subject to the same WADA rules as everyone else.
    7) No cheerleaders – Americans can do without cheerleaders (I.E. Baseball and Hockey). For the most part, one hardly sees the cheerleaders when watching televised basketball or American football games, which is the way most Americans watch sporting events.

    In conclusion, what soccer really needs, in order to capture the collective American interest is: more scoring, less bad-acting, less pretty-boy haircuts, one awesome US national team — to kick-start and promote national soccer pride, and a much more exciting domestic soccer league. To Americans, it’s all about tradition, marketing hype, and entertainment/excitement. In other words…MLB, NFL, and NBA.

  229. Oh…and brilliantly stated, Patriot. The test of the world better be grateful that the US doesn’t care enough about soccer to…uhm, well…care about soccer. If we did, there’s little doubt that we’d put together a national team that resembled a cross between the ’85 Chi Bears and the ’01 lakers…that all ran 4.3 forties…and squatted 500+…before breakfast.

  230. “Football” is boring you run around kicking a ball back and fourth. The United States is still very good at “football”. It is called “soccer” in the United States because it is. Who cares? The United States DOMINATE in just about every other thing in the world. The best athletes do not play “football” in the United States actually “soccer” players in the US typically are wimpy and wouldnt make a American Football team and get beat up often(not all). Drugs? Steroids? That is just rediculous as players get drug tested often and “football” hardly needs performance enhancing drugs. LOL

  231. Americans don’t like soccer because it supports a series of values that they cannot identify with:
    1) Diving: Faking an injury, as the Ghanan player did at the end of today’s game, is cowardly and American’s don’t like to see cowards rewarded.

    2) Lack of Transparency: Why is it that only the referee knows when the game ends. Why is it that the referee doesn’t have to signal the type of foul committed. The clock and the signals provide a level of transparency to the game, allowing everyone to know that the game was played fairly, or demanding answers if it was not. Americans often fall short on this, but value transparency in their sports.

    3) Ties: Americans know that winning is what motivates people to do better. Satisfaction with a tie is not something that the average American is proud of or accepts.

    4) Guessing over athletic talent: The shootout in soccer is a joke. The goalie has no chance unless he correctly guesses what direction the ball is going to be. Americans respect talent, strength, skill, preparation, strategy and tactic as ways to decide games, not guess work that makes a mockery of all of those things.

    5) Accepting the fates: Soccer teaches people to accept their fate. It seems that no bad call or cheating dive or delay of game is ever addressed i any systematic way by the world’s soccer organizations. In baseball, one horrible call will, in all probability, be addressed with a systematic fix: instant replay. Say what you will about the solution, but Americans refuse to simply accept that fate controls one’s destiny.

    Soccer is a game whose values are simply alien to most Americans and for that reason it will never be accepted in any major way in this country.

  232. EXACTLY!! Everyone will engage in cowardly behavior if that’s what’s rewarded. It’s not an issue of personality, it’s a matter of what’s reinforced.

    Also, I noticed that Englands’ loss is being blamed by some on a non-goal call. Of course, if futbol authorities were interested in really creating a fair game, one whose outcomes weren’t determined by luck or fate, or whatever, they long ago would have installed goal cams to make sure that calls were made correctly. They have repeatedly refused to do so.

  233. Ahmed,
    EXACTLY!!! People repeat behavior that is rewarded. Reward faking and you will get faking. It’s not a matter of the personality of soccer players, it’s that cowardly faking is repeatedly rewarded in futbol.

  234. I’m down… but I don’t agree with #7. Football is a serious game, a dramatic one. Of course, so are the rest, but let’s admit that the scales of other sports are not comparable with that of football, if you see what I mean. So happened.

  235. I don’t understand what you mean, Worse Loser? How is ‘football’ any more dramatic than most other sports? There’s is a lot of drama in and excitement in basketball, for example.

    And Trio, while I agree with your points, let’s recognize one seemingly obvious possibility. Perhaps the soccer authorities haven’t changed the officiating rules, or even opted for better officials and instant replay, because the game thrives off of a certain level of angst and frustration. It’s as though they want fans to be upset to the brink of containment. Anger breeds hatred and hatred seems to somehow breed interest (I.E. Soccer hooliganism and soccer rioting). Cleaning up the officiating would erase controversy and leave the outcome of matches left up to the play on the field. This might be too novice an idea for soccer authorities to consider.

  236. Tito,
    Interesting points.

  237. I actually wrote a very long article once where I researched how European Football became American Football and I was amazed to discover that one did not proceed the other. Football was played in the 19th century with a wide variety of rules and England is where they started trying to write down rules. Rugby and Soccer were the two basic things that came about. Other nations took the games and did all sorts of things with them. American Football is pretty much the game that developed as the colleges kept tweaking the rules. It’s much more akin to Rugby with the line of scrimmage replacing a scrum. So when I see American High Schools with “Football” and “Soccer” teams I now chuckle. Two teams playing the same game by different rules. If it were the 19th century they’d just get together and agree on some rules and play.

  238. Here are seven other reasons:

    1) When soccer supporters really started pushing the game in the U.S.A. 35 years ago, they sold it as a “safe” alternative to dangerous football and baseball. This simply translated to “sissy sport” for a lot of people.

    2) Own goals. Scoring on yourself happens a little too often in this game where you rarely score on the other team. It can happen in two of our big three games but it happens so rarely that it becomes legendary (wrong way run in Rose Bowl for instance).

    3) You can’t go from behind to ahead in one play. The fact that you can only score 1 point at a time means you never have a dramatic last second where you snatch victory from defeat. You might snatch a tie from defeat.

    4) No pauses. Actually, I think the pauses create their own tension. It’s really nerve wracking watching your favorite team huddle up before a 4th and 2 to win the game. Plus you can analyze all the possible strategies while you wait.

    5) Statistics…and I think this is a huge one that many people ignore. American sports fans love statistics (see fantasy leagues) and no sports come up with statistics better than football and baseball.

    6) Gambling. Point spreads make gambling on football a lot of fun….overs and unders and lots of other cool things.

    7) We simply don’t care about soccer. We have our sports and we don’t really insist that the rest of the world like them. I never hear anybody in the USA lamenting the fact that they don’t like American Football in India or Baseball in Cameroon. We really don’t care. The thing the rest of the world needs to ask themselves is this: How is it that America wins the women’s world cup and the USA is pretty regularly making the knockout rounds in a sport we don’t even like. I mean, it’s truly our sixth string athletes hanging with your 1st stringers. I know we’re not the favorites against Brazil or Germany, but those countries definitely couldn’t take us lightly.

    Really, we usually win the most medals in the Olympics and they don’t even feature our two most popular sports and when they do feature one of our popular sports we don’t send our best players (exception: Two of the dream teams in basketball). You see, we don’t care. We don’t care that you like soccer more. We don’t care that you have Cricket and Rugby and Croquet. We’ve got NASCAR, hotdog eating competitions, roller derby and monster truck pulls. If we were going to be just like Europe we wouldn’t have ran over hear to get away from Catholics who were drowning us for wanting to be Baptized as adults.

    Bottom line, we fought two world wars to keep this crap out of country and just because the rest of the world likes it doesn’t mean we have to like Communist Kickball here (a neutral term–neither soccer nor football).

  239. I forgot one: Offsides.

    What’s with this rule? You snuck past them when they weren’t paying attention, that’s the other team’s fault.

  240. comments on blog post

    1. This might have something to do with something. I’ll give you this point. The rest of our sports do directly involve hands.

    2. I doubt this has much to do with overall popularity. As others have said, the English came up with this name, then forgot about it. You come off really smug and elitist in the way you write, admitting that Americans didn’t invent the term Soccer would’ve helped alleviate this a little.

    3. This is a stupid point. Americans hate commercial breaks. I’m disappointed that you take this as an opportunity to insult the American mentality. Your implication that Americans are essentially too stupid to focus on one thing for 45 minutes is inaccurate and a cheap-shot.

    4. This point makes some sense. While the rest of the world was getting really into soccer and establishing the World Cup the Americans were isolationist. We didn’t want to get involved in foreign affairs after bailing the Europeans out from WWI. It took WWII to get us involved again, but by that point there was no room for soccer. The US happened to have a very inward looking mentality during the period where soccer grew the most. Bad timing for the world because the World Cup and international soccer would benefit greatly from an increased American participation. It’s like playing board games with the family (the world) on Sunday afternoon, except the cool younger brother (America) doesn’t like the board games so he goes and plays poker with his buddies. The family would have a much better time if he were there with them, but he isn’t interested.

    5. I got nothing to say about this one.

    6. This is the most infuriating point. Soccer players are obsessed with diving and embellishing every push and shove. Cheating is thoroughly engrained in soccer. Cheaters are constantly rewarded in soccer by the refs. Don’t say American’s don’t like soccer because they can’t cheat. That is just crap.

    7. If you really had nothing to say after your 6th point you shouldn’t have moved on. If you watch a sporting event on TV in America you won’t really see any cheerleaders. Cheerleaders play such a minimal role in sports, unless you’re at the game you won’t notice them. Even then they aren’t very noticeable.

    Bottom line: Americans don’t like soccer because they didn’t grow up playing or watching it. If soccer had achieved a foothold in the U.S. in the 30s then it would probably be among the “big three,” but it didn’t really get big here until the 80s/90s. Soccer will replace baseball eventually. U.S.-hating soccer fans like yourself better hope and pray that the top athletes in the U.S. don’t choose the soccer route, because if they do the U.S. will dominate, simple as that. The people who play soccer in the U.S. right now are probably our 2nd and 3rd tier athletes.

  241. We over here in the United States have men that are very, very preoccuipied with trying to be ‘manly’. Like you over in the rest of the world, we have our own opinions on the game. I love soccer/futbol/football or whatever you may call it, but most American men see something quite different. They do not see a game with fluency, grace, and raw will and power, they see a bunch of men prancing around a field with a ball and listening to strange British announcers. To be quite frank, the word they use to define men that play soccer is: fag. It’s Inaccurate at best, but that is what is seen. The way to get us to watch soccer is to teach the young men and boys of the country that it does not mean you are gay/homosexual if you play the game. If we can do this, the Americans might come to love soccer yet.

  242. Mankind has never seen a greater nation than the United States of America, and that’s why we’re disliked, but it’s almost purely out of jealousy.

    Read more: http://soccerlens.com/7-reasons-why-americans-suck-at-soccer/8115/#comments#ixzz0tctr324J

    This kind of arrogance coupled with a culture that wants nothing less than instant satisfaction can not ever appreciate a sport that values tenacity, group work, and fluid play.

    Oh, and greatest nation also comes with “best ghettos” and “best inner-city schools” , a literacy rate lower than many underdeveloped countries, and of course “THE GREATEST DEBT”

  243. Hey Tro, what country are you from anyhow? I’ll be more than happy to compare! Soccer requires more teamwork than football or hockey??? If anything, fluid play is what soccer lacks. Hey if the defense is in trouble lets just kick it out of bounds! Lets flop around on the ground and fake an injury! Offsides….yea, that one makes sense! I’m so tired of hearing how “we just don’t understand the game”. It really isn’t that difficult. Points have been made above why the US isn’t as good at aoccer. Your failure to address ANY of them shows that maybe you come from one of our illiterate ghettos.

  244. I did watch the world cup soccer and enjoyed it
    I am a rugby fan and never watch soccer normally
    and rugby will always be my football
    2 things about soccer I dislike
    1/ Too many drawn games and lack of goals turns it into dullsville
    2/ The Hollywood dives to milk the penalty are just terrible… it is so dishonest and is paramount to cheating..very very dishonest and players that do that need to take a long hard look at themselves
    As Sports stars these guys are role models and they need to remember that..

    thanx for the chance to comment
    God Bless

  245. The bottom line is. Soccer sucks.

  246. Football is way more detailed and more complex than you think at first glance.It’s not ONLY brute force,it takes years to master the game…And why ‘mericans doesn’t like it,well…The US is best at driving fast ’round in circles for hours and racing dragsters in a straight line…