2011 Summer Preview: Barnet transfer for Rooney, Tottenham’s new sponsors, Chelsea’s unsackable manager and more

Thanks to Twitter,the green light for the “Silly Season” to start has been well and truly lit. As we head for the sun, tabloids and social media sites are preparing to fill inches with nonsense, here are a few of the stories which will have us pulling our hair out.

Barnet Transfer for Rooney

Before the people from Underhill get too excited, the England and Manchester United striker has not signed for the Bees. Rooney has joined the sporting legends of Austin Healy, Shane Warne and Graham Gooch by having a hair transplant.

Undoubtedly the WAGS of United will call it the “Transfer of the Year” but for England fans it was slightly disconcerting. Saturday was a crucial Euro 2012 Qualifier with Switzerland, Rooney may have been suspended for the match, but surely England’s star striker would attend?

Obviously not, maybe the England national team is not quite “worth it.”

Bendtner Bonanza

It takes some courage to play in a team that contained strikers of the ilk of Thierry Henry and Emmanuel Adebayor, and now contains Robin Van Persie and Andrey Arshavin and declare that “I should be playing every week.”

It takes even more self assurance to announce to a planet that boasts Carlos Tevez, Cristiano Ronaldo, David Villa and many more that “I am one of the best strikers in the world” and then in the last minute against Barca, fluff a one on one that would have knocked the eventual champions out.

Nicklas Bendtner, however, is not just a normal striker. The Dane who wears number 52 and occasionally sports pink boots, looks set to spark a bidding war that may spiral out of control and from all sense of normality.

With a starting price of £12 Million and with various clubs including German giants, Bayern Munich interested, the Bendtner Transfer bonanza looks set to have us all laughing at the price, as long as he doesn’t end up at our club!

Mark Hughes Personal “Silly Week”

As manager of Manchester City, Hughes had everything he could wish for, a great stadium, a good squad and an unlimited amount of spending money, however, he managed to mess it all up. Hughes burnt millions of pounds on average players and then chocolate coated it all by not winning football matches, he was rightly sacked, ironically after winning a match.

Hughes eventually found another job, at a club were expectations are low and the number of home fans is even lower, Fulham FC. The Welshman performed a solid job, but searching the big time: a vacant post at Aston Villa, he was advised to hand in his notice.

Two weeks later Fulham have replaced him with Martin Jol, whilst Villa are trying their very best to appoint anyone but Hughes. Added to this they are in the process of selling their prize assets Ashley Young and Stuart Downing. Therefore should Hughes get the job, he will be taking on a squad devoid of top class talent.

There is some solace for Hughes, however, in the form of lumber centre back, Richard Dunne, the once captain of Man City who he sold to Villa.

Spurs new Sponsor rumours

It seems that Tottenham have gone to Sponsorship Plan B for the 2011/2012 season. The north London club who failed to return to the Champions League will have to perform some belt tightening and club Supremo Daniel Levy has set in motion a master plan.

Jose Mourhino claimed that Barcelona’s European success is due to their being sponsored by UNICEF; Levy is hoping to jump in on this charity bandwagon and is confident that his proposed signings of Brad Friedel, Joe Cole and any number of veteran strikers will help Spurs secure the sponsorship of Age Concern.

Spurs manager, Harry Redknapp, has hinted that injury prone stars Jonathan Woodgate and Ledley King may well stay, this news will only add credence to Spurs’ Age Concern dreams.

Chelsea Directors Brain Wave

It may be the “Silly Season” but it seems that some of the Chelsea directors have had a brain wave. Roman Abramovich, the man who has bank rolled Chelsea into the force they are today, is renowned for removing managers prematurely. Mourhino, Luiz Felipe Scolari and Carlo Ancelotti have all had their contracts terminated early and it has cost the club dearly in compensation.

Therefore the financial directors have come up with the slogan “No Blue on Blue Firing.” It seems over lunch they had the idea to appoint a manager that Ambramovich would never sack. With no close family and having already fired one wife, his new girlfriend was deemed unsuitable. The Chelsea top dogs therefore they moved for long time friend and the man by whom Roman judges all other managers, Guus Hiddink.

The Chelsea board are hoping that this appointment will last longer that the rest and have their fingers crossed that Avram “Annual Relegation” Grant is barred from entering the stadium.

If you happen to read or hear any other “Silly Season” news please feel free to post it, after all when there is no football there can only be speculation.

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