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Tottenham and Manchester United searching for Berbatov

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Where is Dimitar Berbatov?

According to eyewitnesses, he was last seen playing for Tottenham in their opening day defeat at the hands of Middlesbrough. However, an insider at Tottenham Hotspur (who spoke to us on the condition of anonymity) revealed that Spurs are using an ‘exact double’ for Berbatov these days because they just can’t find him.


“He’s long gone. Levy’s been hopping between Bulgaria and Russia trying to find Berba so they can sell him and massaging Zenit’s ego so they’d release Arshavin on time. It’s a tricky period at Spurs, what with Ramos trying to get his new charges adjusted to playing for such a stylish side and worse, trying to get Berba’s double to score a goal and a half.”

And if the above was a bit dry for you, we’re lubing this one up with another exclusive, this time from inside Manchester United. All summer (or since last summer, if you believe Levy’s newspaper clippings) Manchester United have been after Dimitar Berbatov, but even they might start looking somewhere else if they can’t find him in time to sign the contract. A source at Manchester United (who works at the stadium as an ‘atmosphere refresher’) told us that Ferguson has requested Eric Cantona to come in and convince Paul Ince to send Benni or Roque over to Old Trafford for a season or two.

Not sure how that’s going to work out – but with the transfer window due to close in less than 2 weeks and no striker signing (or sighting), it’s squeaky bum time for Dimitar Berbatov – assuming anyone can find him. If all else fails, there’s bound to be a mad dash for Rafael Sobis (the latest striker to be ‘targeted’).

If you know where Dimitar Berbatov is, please let us know in the comments.

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Comments (10)

  1. That is HILARIOUS!

    How I am laughing over my cereal this morning.

    too dry for som,e i suspect. But HILARIOUS for those of us that ‘get it’.

    Again. HILARIOUS!!

    keep up the good and HILARIOUS work.

    ps. where abouts in Manchester you from? DO you perform for parties and events?

  2. If there is a reward for Berbatov’s location, I claim it. He is in Hollywood working under his professional name of Andy Garcia!

  3. You will see today Berbatov in Old Trafford!

  4. Berba is in Bulgaria with the national team for a friendly game

  5. Joker, why would it be too dry for some? Did you forget to put your milk on it? In that case, you’re right. I just don’t get cereal with no milk.

  6. Its alright. I found him. He’s been hiding in Manchester City’s boardroom with Thaksin Shinawatra.

  7. he was at beijing watching badminton yesterday, hahaha

  8. The Andy Garcia thing is so true.

  9. last time i saw him he was giving Ronaldo an ankel massage lolllllllllllllllhahahahahahahahahahaha

  10. Berbatov is in Ethiopia.