Advertisements rarely reflect real life. Take the long-running ad where an irritating couple attempt to arrange a £25,000 loan.

When the bint turns to her slow-witted spouse and asks, “How much do we want to borrow again?” midway through the negotiations, the so-called male doesn’t even attempt to administer the appropriate response to her fundamental lack of preparation.

The ending is also a complete fabrication. When she says, “Josh, Dad’s found your scooter,” it breaks off before she can add, “He’s going to need it now he has to sell his car to allow us to meet the crippling repayments that will burden us until we welcome death like a long-lost relative.”

Deregulation in the betting industry has finally allowed bookmakers to lie on television. I was extremely disappointed with the one starring Ian Wright. The former Gunner plays an opinionated buffoon; which is hardly a great stretch.

I’d like to have seen Kelly Dalglish and Georgie Thompson front the campaign. Picture the scene: the girls are lying on a four-poster bed, tickling each other and discussing the weekend football. Suddenly, a slight difference of opinion develops into a full blown pillow-fight. The excited pair then realise that a small bet would settle their differences amicably. They then kiss and make up for a couple of minutes.

I have no history in the advertising sector, but I genuinely think that this ad would prove a real winner, and I’ve been thinking about it quite a lot. I also think Arsenal are a cracking bet at 4/7 to leave Reading with the three points.

Advertising is undoubtedly effective. When the ‘Did you have an accident that wasn’t your fault?’ campaign first ran, they received an immediate response from a Mr. Savage. There’s nothing disappointing about the 7/2 for a draw between Manchester United and Blackburn.

Bolton were in the Heather Mills position last week, they were left stunned after a stellar McCartney volley. West Ham managed to blow the lead that day, there won’t be a repeat against a downtrodden Derby. The Hammers will walk it at 13/10.

Mike Ashley has been advised not to wear his replica shirt in the Stadium of Light, as there’s a chance he might antagonise the home supporters. I’d have thought the fact that he was 44 would have been a more persuasive argument. Newcastle have come out on top on their last five meetings with Sunderland, I fancy a repeat at 13/8.

The press have reported the news that Wigan are considering appointing Graeme Souness as a successor to Chris Hutchings. Dave Whelan is absolutely furious with the leak, he wanted to keep the details of ‘Operation Coca Cola’ secret. Tottenham are my five star weekend bankers against the freefalling Wigan. I’m hitting the 4/7 hard.

Liam Ridgewell will be getting plenty of stick in the Birmingham derby. The limited defender was a definite tryer when he played for the Villa; he’d try to concede three penalties a match. Blues v Villa has ‘draw’ written all over it, I’ll happily play at 9/4.

Gerry Sutcliffe may have an exceptionally cool name, but that does not give him the right to label John Terry’s wages ‘obscene’. A more acceptable target for his ire would have been the desperate Ian Wright. I’m unsure of the restitution that Wrighty receives for his multiple radio and television appearances, but even if they were all gratis; he’d still be grossly overpaid. We should all have a cheeky punt on Chelsea to beat Everton at 4/11.

Fernando Torres is now a fully fledged Liverpudlian, he’s just had a week off on the sick. Liverpool are in fine fettle after an eight goal extravaganza in midweek, they’ll take care of Fulham at 1/3.

According to a recent poll, Middlesbrough is the worst place to live in Britain. I can only assume that Coventry was disqualified to make it a competitive heat. The Boro are unbeaten against Bolton in their last eight meets, their star players can sneak a draw at the Reebok at 12/5, before heading home to Newcastle.

Portsmouth look a decent call at 11/10 to see off Manchester City, but I’m more interested in the ‘which City player will hospitalise Pedro Mendes’ market. Ben Thatcher and Joey Barton are both previous winners of this exciting new novelty bet, but I hear Dietmar Hamann has been laid out specifically for this one.

I was absolutely devastated when a freak strike from Luke Young stopped the accer from obliging last week. I was left hurt, shocked, sickened and bewildered, it was like watching Ian Wright’s ‘Chicken Tonight’ advert all over again. Liverpool, Chelsea, Tottenham, Arsenal and a Birmingham draw form a 12/1 weekend accer that can help banish that distressing memory.

Your Predictions

Copy-paste the fixture list below and let us know your predictions in the comments

Sunderland v Newcastle United
Derby County v West Ham United
Liverpool v Fulham
Birmingham City v Aston Villa
Chelsea v Everton
Bolton v Middlesbrough
Manchester United v Blackburn
Tottenham v Wigan
Portsmouth v Manchester City
Reading v Arsenal