Weekend Predictions: Arsenal, Chelsea, Everton and Villa to win, Liverpool, Tottenham, Newcastle and Man City to lose
I’ve never really understood the need for foreign travel. It makes no sense to leave a perfectly good country for a significantly poorer one; although this is never a real problem for the Welsh.
When I have capitulated to convention, I have found the experience quite pleasurable. I particularly enjoyed my timeshare in an underground complex in Austria.
My all-time favourite holiday was an 18-30 jaunt to Magaluf. It’s true that attacks on women are a real problem at the resort - at least they were on my last trip.
I enjoyed that vacation so much; I changed my pin number to ‘1830’ as a reminder of the ideal age range for potential partners. I still hope to meet an 830 year old.
Travel does broaden the mind, so I hope I’ll be able to find myself on my next trip to Ireland. I’ll just look in the pub.
I should definitely do more to celebrate my Irish heritage; all I do at the moment is run out of potatoes and beat up the wife.
One country I will not be adding to my potential travel itinerary is the United States. I’d feel safer in Georgia now that the Russians have pulled out, although she does have that restraining order.
I’m certainly not anti-American – or educationally challenged people in general. I just have a fear of hillbillies with guns.
I can understand why the Yanks believe they have the right to bear arms; I’d certainly want to be tooled up if I lived beside other Americans.
The Yanks have other serious problems, namely obesity. A recent report claims that 50% of American children are overweight - no wonder Gary Glitter came back to England.
From a personal perspective, I prefer a lady with a little timber. The skinny ones are fast runners.
My main problem with the American hillbillies is their tendency to ‘keep it in the family.’ Admittedly, I once had a relationship with a second cousin. We didn’t know any better at the time - we lived in West Bromwich. Luckily, he’s moved on now.
My bitterness towards America may well be born of my early sexual encounters. I learned about ‘the birds and the bees’ from watching ‘Deliverance’. Whenever I make love, I sound like Jade Goody.
I have to give some credit to the Yanks - they did put a man on the moon. Their astronaut training scheme was faultless; they sent the entire crew to the Riverside Stadium. The Boro support will have plenty to cheer about when they ease past Stoke; I’m staking one point at 8/13.
English Premier League Fixtures (30-31 August 2008)
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Saturday 30 August 2008
Middlesbrough FC v Stoke City FC, 15:00 (Middlesbrough)
West Ham United FC v Blackburn Rovers FC, 15:00 (Draw)
Bolton Wanderers FC v West Bromwich Albion FC, 15:00 (Bolton)
Everton FC v Portsmouth FC, 15:00 (Everton)
Hull City AFC v Wigan Athletic FC, 15:00 (Draw)
Arsenal FC v Newcastle United FC, 17:30 (Arsenal)
Sunday 31 August 2008
Chelsea FC v Tottenham Hotspur FC, 13:30 (Chelsea)
Sunderland AFC v Manchester City FC, 15:00 (Sunderland)
Aston Villa FC v Liverpool FC, 16:00 (Aston Villa)
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I really love living in Wales. It is a fantastic, multi-racial country with some of the finest secenery and beaches in Europe. Intersting history, friendly people and a varied economy based on social justice. Who needs to go abroad indeed.
I like your style, Spursgog.
I pick Liverpool to win against Villa with a 1-2 scoreline.
Sunderland and ManCity might draw though, otherwise i will agree with your predictions.
Liverpool is going too have quite a tough game against Aston Villa. Thet are managing to grid out the results but they are getting pretty lucky as well. Villa on the other hand a re a good team with genuine talent and are more than capable of fulling off a surprise victory. 1-1 prediction from me.
Arsenal vs Newcastle will be a good game as well. Toon have prety well. But i thin tat Arsenal will outclass them and should end up 3-1 winners.
Chelsea vs Spurs. Another good game. On paper Spurs have a really string squad, but sadly its just not clicking for them. Chelsea on the other hand had a great game against Pompey and pleyed decently against Wigan. I do expect them to come out winners. 3-1 winners for me.
I am a teacher in America and there is nowhere close to fifty percent obesity in the kids I see at the many schools I visit. That stat is pure crap.
Also, even after living all of my life in Texas and visiting Tennessee.. I have never seen anyone shot.. nor have I ever actually seen a real hillbilly.. but it was a good try at being witty. I’ve even survived several trips to New York City, and I’ve never seen anyone robbed, stabbed or beaten. Amazing! I do appreciate the sarcasm though. It would be less fun to go through life without it.
It will be great if Everton does beat Portsmouth this weekend as the blues squad is still very depleted by lack of signings and injuries. Here’s to hoping the three new signings all make it in quickly and can ingratiate themselves into the team. That or Jose Baxter transforms into a phenom superstar sixteen year old. He’s good, but needs more time.
Bford, i did make that stat up - the whole article is a joke tbh. Apart from the tip, it’s rock solid.
Everton got pwnd 3-0 yo, watched the match.
Also heard Blackburn got trashed 4-1 by West Ham.
Good that Boro got the points this time against Stoke, unlike last week against Pool.
As an American, I can tell you the obesity rate is about 25%, which is sadly not all that far off from your humorous stat. And it’s much higher in certain places, for example it’s as high as 30% in Mississippi!
Bad times. Then again, I’m glad to be living far far away from a bunch of tea-swilling, buck-toothed, almost-WW2-losing nancy boys whose favorite athletes start weeping and clutching their ankles at the slightest touch from an opponent.
Nice one Riise