We might be jumping the gun here, but we’d like to think that Gerry would have written about Megan Fox instead of French foibles and Ashley Cole if he’d gotten his hands on this collection of Megan Fox snaps.

Back to the article - here’s Gerry McDonnell with this weekend’s betting tips.

At one time or another, we all make a mistake of gargantuan proportions. When the wife asked for a potential destination for a short trip, I foolishly answered ‘France’. I completely forgot that the place was almost exclusively full of the French.

As soon as we arrived I appreciated the gravity of my error, as the locals made absolutely no effort to speak any English. It appeared that they hadn’t been informed of our arrival.

The language barrier actually led me to be being deported. I popped into a café, but I didn’t fancy eating any strange French food such as ‘frites’ or ‘saucisses’, so I helped myself to a biscuit from behind the counter.

The owner went ballistic and called the police, and I was on the next plane back to England. I still feel embarrassed about being kicked out of Europe thanks to a simple ginger nut. Liverpool fans share my pain, they should console themselves with the 7/4 for a win over Birmingham.

The police were on the ball over there though, unlike their English counterparts. When a French person is reported missing, their filth launch an immediate search; but the Manchester police haven’t even begun their hunt to find poor Wayne. United are winless (and goalless) on their last six visits to Stamford Bridge, I’ll struggle to find a better bet than Chelsea at 6/4.

The North East of England is the one place on Earth that’s actually worse than France. The locals are equally as undecipherable, and they take up twice the room. 15/8 is absolutely massive for a Newcastle win over West Ham.

The North East does have its redeeming features; it remains a Redknapp-free area. Harry’s decision to stay in Portsmouth was warmly received by the Geordie Nation, as it decreased the probability of them ever bumping into Jamie. I’m particularly thankful for the 23/10 for a draw between Portsmouth and Blackburn.

Newcastle have taken a lead in the North East mini-league, which is a little bit like leading a race at the Special Olympics. Sunderland will beat Boro at 13/10 in the battle for the silver medal, but they’re all winners really.

There’s a real scrap going on at the bottom of the table, and Fulham are almost certainly relegated. The chairman will most likely blame Prince Philip, MI5 and possibly MFI. I’ve put together 9/10 for a Manchester City win over the doomed Cottagers.

Bolton have all the momentum in the relegation battle, but they won’t receive any favours away at Tottenham. I expect the 10/11 for a Tottenham win to last about as long as a Geordie in a beauty contest.

Graeme Murty should hang his head in shame after his dying swan act led to a three match ban for Alexander Hleb. Simulation is the unacceptable face of modern day football, alongside Steve Bruce. Wigan v Reading won’t be pleasing to the eye, a draw looks the correct call at 12/5.

If I was Robbie Savage, and I’m not (I’m quite good at football); I’d ask for Cesc Fabregas’ shirt after Derby’s ‘match’ against Arsenal. Such an item of memorabilia could potentially raise a tidy sum for when he upgrades his caravan. The 4/5 for Arsenal to beat Derby by two goals or more is remaining remarkably steady.

I genuinely feel that Aston Villa will be right behind Arsenal at the top of the table next season - certainly in early August. The Villans are on fire in their quest to make it into Europe; they’ll eat up and spit out the Toffeemen at 23/10.

To say I was happy about last week’s winning accer is an understatement; I felt like a Chelsea player after they practically booked their flight to Moscow. When Liverpool, Manchester City, Tottenham and Arsenal oblige for this week’s 10/1 accer, I’ll be happier than Ashley Cole after an invite into the cockpit.

Weekend Fixtures

Saturday 26 April 2008

12:45 Chelsea v Manchester United
15:00 Manchester City v Fulham
15:00 Sunderland v Middlesbrough
15:00 Tottenham Hotspur v Bolton Wanderers
15:00 West Ham v Newcastle United
15:00 Wigan Athletic v Reading
15:00 Birmingham City v Liverpool

Sunday 27 April 2008

13:30 Portsmouth v Blackburn Rovers
16:00 Everton v Aston Villa

Monday 28 April 2008

20:00 Derby County v Arsenal

OLBG Bet of the Week

As the season comes to an end games can become kick abouts between teams with nothing to play for. It often becomes who has the greater desire to impress and secure their place at the club next season.

West Ham started poorly and got worse, they have had a catalogue of injuries but Curbishley has assembled some players who have a history of spending longer on the injury list than on the pitch. As a group they have no unity and many of them will surely be getting to know new treatment tables next season.

Newcastle have enjoyed a spring renaissance and OLBG members are betting on them continuing this improvement.

This weeks premiership bet is Newcastle to beat West Ham at odds of 2.87