In this week’s WagSnatch Roundup footballer’s shenanigans uncovered, Jermain Defoe likes to wear a bra instead of a hat, Ronaldo promised a pay rise if he scores, Thierry Henry is a do-gooder and Keegan gets snubbed time and time again.

Recent weeks have not been good for footballers and their WAG companions. Recent and not so recent shenanigans of some of the top England footballers are biting them on the ass and it is turning into a rather bad episode of Footballers’ Wives.

1. First one non-entity came out with the story about her one night stand with Ashley Cole (some of the shenanigans apart from sex include him vomiting, his mates barging in on them and Cole allegedly claiming his wife Cheryl of Girls Aloud knows about his affairs but it is OK as long as she does not find out about it from someone else?).

Now another so-called glamour model claims she had sex with Cole just 5 months after his wedding and that she has been paid £6,000 to keep quiet. Yes, how is that working out for you? Apparently she had to sign a piece of paper saying “I Brooke Healy did not sleep with Ashley Cole and I will not go to any papers to lie and say that I did.” I’m sure that constitutes a legal and binding document.

Meanwhile despite the rumors of kicking Ashley’s ass to the curb, Cheryl Cole decided to stick by her husband and said she knew about the affair for weeks. Cheryl is certain that one night stand did not result in sex, as apparently “That’s utter rubbish, I know that for a FACT. I know Ashley intimately. When he’s under the influence he ISN’T capable.” It seems Ashley is suffering from beer’s droop.

2. Jermain Defoe loves bras – on top of his head

Oh Lord now I have heard it all. Jermain Defoe has been having an affair with a single mum Stephanie Moule for the last 7 years, because apparently all those beauties he has dated and even got engaged to were not enough. Although that does make him a cheating rat that is not the weird bit.

Jermain Defoe was so impressed with Stephanie’s bra size, he enjoyed putting her bra on top of his head plus to improve his performance he would do naked hand-stands against the wall to get the things moving a bit faster. Is that even a legitimate technique? First time I have heard of that one.

Danielle Lloyd is of course devastated as was to be expected, but she has taken Defoe back – twice in the last 2 weeks, it has got to be some sort of a record. Stay tuned for the next week’s edition of this continuous saga, as I have a hunch this will not be the end of it.

3. Ronaldo promised a bonus - if he scores 30

It seems whatever his mum was trying to accomplish last week has worked, as Alex Ferguson has offered Ronaldo a significant raise if he manages to score 13 more goals in the Premiere League. That would make it a whopping 30 goals for the season.

Last year Ferguson and Ronaldo had a bet going as to how many goals Ronaldo would score and Ronaldo managed to win that one. This time around Ferguson is being more cautious with his money “It is a big ask, but if he does manage it, I’ll pay him more money.” Not that £110,000 per week constitutes a meager pay, but I’m sure some of this money will go to Ronaldo’s mum who seems to be a rather effective and cunning PR. Ronaldo on the other hand has his eyes on the prize and that is trophy for Manchester United - “The most important thing is for the team to win trophies.” Bless.

4. Thierry Henry does his bit for the children

It seems not only David Beckham is the resident do-gooder footballer. Thierry Henry is the organizer of one of the biggest charity batches; the Liv event that is being held to raise awareness and money for Cystic Fibrosis charities. Henry has been spurned into action after watching a friend’s daughter struggle with the disease – each week 5 children are born with this disease and 3 children die. The internal organs get clogged up with mucus which stops them from breathing or eating properly. These children also have to receive constant medication and grueling physio-treatment.

Henry says “When people talk about footballers as heroes it’s ridiculous. Someone caring for their sick child is the person you can qualify as a hero.” Good on you Henry.

5. Keegan snubbed and snubbed again

This has not been a good week for Kevin Keegan. Not even 2 weeks have passed since he took over Newcastle, no goals have been scored, Jonathan Woodgate left for Tottenham Spurs and now Dennis Wise has been named as Newcastle’s director of football who will be responsible for transfers. Keegan said “I am reluctant to tell you all I know as I really do not know everything.” Newcastle chairman on the other hand claims Keegan as well aware of the plan to bring in Wise.

Will Keegan walk out for the second time? Maybe he should make sure Newcastle actually scores some goals first?

WagSnatch returns every Thursday.