In this week’s WagSnatch Roundup is Gazza finally on the mend, the Spurs boys are still celebrating, not one but two WAGs get into a catfight, Beckhams exposed and moving on up, Cheryl Cole goes back to her roots and the strangest pulling technique ever.

Gazza on the mend?

The biggest story by far last week (apart from Eduardo’s injury of course) was old Gazza being sanctioned under the Mental Health Act. Gazza was taken into hospital after his bizarre behavior got to be too much for the staff of the hotel in Newcastle where he was staying at the time. There was talk about erratic behavior, walking around the hotel naked with 2 automatic parrots for company.

What on Earth could possess anyone to socialize with automatic parrots was beyond me, but recent reports show Gazza had £2000 a day cocaine habit. Not only he adopted parrots for pets, but Gazza is also suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder. When you combine that with coke induced paranoia (it seems Gazza thought FBI, IRA and White House were after him) it is no wonder the staff could not handle him anymore.

Although Gazza was free to go leave the hospital after 72 hours, recent reports suggest he decided to stay and get some help. All snark aside, this might be the best decision he has made in years. Lets hope Gazza is finally on the mend.

The Spurs boys still celebrating

The Spurs boys are still celebrating winning the Carling Cup. Oh yes Spurs boys take their partying seriously and the celebrations are still going on. Spurs captain Ledley King got so drunk he could not stand up straight and when the bouncers decided to tell him its time to go home, King got into a brawl right outside of the Essex club Faces. First of all did you see the size of those bouncers? I don’t think it matters who you are, unless you are not Lennox Lewis taking bouncers on is a no-no. Well it is a no-no if you value your health and extremities.

So even though King did finally go home, Jermaine Jenas and Aaron Lennon are still at it. The pair was snapped at SoHo’s Kabaret, looking worse for wear second day in the row. At least these two managed not to piss off any bouncers. It seems to me someone is overdue for a mother of all hangovers.

Danielle Lloyd gets into a catfight with Goldenballs sisters

And speaking of scuffles and brawls it seems that King’s aggressive behavior was contagious. The patrons of the Faces club were also treated to a full-on, proper cat fight. The stars - Danielle Lloyd and Goldenballs sister Joanna Beckham.

Just days after she has announced to the world (and probably any available footballer on the market) that she was single again, Danielle Lloyd made it her mission to be present for Spurs’ celebrations.

It seems the catfight erupted over a footballer both of ahem ladies had their eyes on. Seconds later, Danielle’s extensions came flying and Joanna ended up with scratches on her face. I do wonder who they were fighting over, but then again if you are that desperate to be a WAG I guess minor injuries come with the territory. I’m sure Goldenballs will be delighted.

Alex Curran gets attacked

It was not only Danielle Lloyd that managed to get into a catfight, Steven Gerrard’s missus Alex Curran got herself into a spot of bother as well. The scene was Kylie Minogue’s post – Brits bash at Movida. An anonymous woman threw champagne over Alex Curran and then wrestled her to the ground. Hm I wonder why? Was it one of Steven Gerrard’s exes? Possibly his bit on the side? Or perhaps she just found Alex Curran irritating beyond belief?

I have a hunch we will soon find out in one of the tabloids. The headline will probably read “My Alex Curran tussle” or something to that effect.

All this talk about catfights makes me wonder who is going to have it out next? My bet would be Danielle Lloyd vs Charlotte Mears. But one catfight I would love to see is Posh against whomever. Do not let her slim physique fool you although she is small I bet she packs a mean punch (I’m speaking from experience here being the same way) plus did you see the heels she wears?

Beckhams exposed

Old Goldenballs and his missus are apparently in a titz after a documentary by cable network E! called “True Hollywood Story: Posh and Becks” was aired. The couple that made a brand out of themselves is furious at how they were portrayed. Allegedly Posh is embarrassed that she came off as controlling and Goldenballs as weak.

Now while the rest of the stuff might seem common knowledge in Europe such as Posh’s dubious eating habits, her influence over Goldenballs that wrecked his relationship with Ferguson and finished his career in Manchester United and Goldenballs affair with Rebecca Loos; the couple managed to keep these secrets hush hush once they have descended to the States and tried to make a fresh start.

They feel betrayed by people who exposed them in the documentary, but I am a bit surprised they didn’t see it coming; it was bound to happen eventually.

Beckhams moving on up

But all is not bleak in Beckham’s household. After befriending the ever entertaining Tom Cruise and his missus, Will Smith and his missus and Snoop and his boys it seems that Goldenballs and his missus are moving on up in social terms.

Now the highest you could possibly go in England would be the Queen, however Beckhams have been there, done that and Posh even got a hat to prove it.

Beckhams latest BFFs – Gordon Brown and his missus Sarah. It seems old Posh and PM’s wife have bonded over charity work. The end result Goldenballs and Posh will be spending time with PM and his wife at their country retreat Chequers. The visit has been confirmed by the PM’s wife, however when it will actually take place remains unknown due to security reasons. I wonder are these security concerns over the well-being of PM or old Goldenballs?

Rooney goes shopping

Moving on swiftly to our Beckhams wannabes, just a week after the story has been leaked that Rooney and his soon to be missus got Ł2.5 million for exclusive pictures for their pending nuptials, they went shopping.

Rooney signed himself up for McLaren supercar worth £350,000 but he does have one stipulation – it has to come decked out with red leather seats. McLaren can reach 200mph and is the fastest convertible in the world. There are only a few of them in England, but it seems many of the footballers are trying to outdo each other when it comes to their penis extensions sorry cars. So Rooney has to wait in line.

My only question is and all team loyalty aside – it is a bleeding supercar, does it really matter what color are the seats?

And Coleen McLoughlin also got a piece of action and took Rooney shopping in Milan. The ever diligent tabloids dubbed them the Beckhams wannabes, but I don’t think Rooney or Coleen for that matter mind much, they were last seen in the shopping Bermuda Triangle of Milan, ducking in and out of Prada, Gucci and Balenciaga respectively.

Cheryl Cole goes back to her roots

As I accurately predicted last week the Cole soap opera is far from over. After a brief hop to England for the Brits and alleged reunion with Ashley Cole, Cheryl flew back to LA. And the tabloids declared their marriage over after a limo driver was spotted waiting for Cheryl with a sign that said Tweedy. But recent reports suggest even though Cheryl decided to go back to her roots; the saga is far from over.

Cheryl has hired a love therapist to help her sort her issues over Ashley’s cheating. So Cheryl has either been spending too much time in LA or she really wants to make her marriage work. On the other hand and I am no expert by any means, would it not make more sense if they saw a therapist together?

Also allegedly Ashley will be asked to sign a contract to ensure he will ditch his drunken buddies and spend more time with Cheryl. I’m a bit skeptical that will make him behave, but only time will tell.

Strangest pulling technique ever

I have heard some strange pulling techniques but this takes the biscuit altogether. Manchester United midfielder Anderson managed to score by taking his clothes off and saying Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!

It must suck to only speak Portuguese, what with Anderson living in England and playing for an English team and all that, but it did not put a damper on his chat up lines.

Anderson and his teammate Evra, picked up girls in a local nightclub and when you consider his vocabulary leaves a lot to be desired I am surprised he has managed to even get a snog. But when you consider how much they are paid, what is even more surprising is they took the girls to near-by budget hotel Travelodge. And Anderson still managed to pull! I’m fairly certain these girls are not WAG wannabes, because lets face it Danielle Lloyd would not be caught dead in the place.

Hm I think I have come up with new slogan – Travelodge, where footballers come to play.