In today’s edition of WagSnatch Roundup Ashley Cole has a sex ban, Clancy loves her cheeseburgers, Posh launches a new line of men jeans, Chantelle is a wannabe WAG, while we also have a new WAG alert, Danielle Lloyd is still sticking to her no-footballers resolution, what led Gazza to depression and Goldenballs old flame is still milking her 15 minutes of fame.

Sex ban for Ashley Cole

Well you have to hand it to Cheryl Cole when she makes up her mind about something she follows it through. After last week’s reports about a number of rules she has imposed on her cheating husband, this week brings the latest news – Ashley Cole will have to stick to the 6-months-without-sex rule.

The couple is set to renew their marriage vows in a low key ceremony in Newcastle later this year, as obviously Ashley did not mean them the first time around and Cheryl wants no funny business before the pending second-time-around nuptials.

As Cheryl is quite adamant to make a fresh start, she has also stipulated their current multi-million pound home will have to be sold, as she does not know whether or not Ashley cheated on her in their marital bed. And the man to express interest in the house is none other then Cole’s teammate Nicolas Anelka as he is still renting in the area.

I think right about now Ashley has probably started to regret his man-whore ways. But will he actually stick to the rules, heavens knows.

Clancy loves Peter Crouch and her cheeseburger

Dear lads unfortunately I still have no news whether or not the Crouch’s girlfriend Abbey Clancy will partake in any of the lingerie shoots in the UK (if you remember last week it was reported she was done with it because she cannot bear to be separated from her boyfriend). As I said I will keep you updated.

However it has emerged it might have not been all about love as Clancy has suggested.

It turns out that the delightful Abbey developed quite a fondness for cheeseburgers while she was in the States working on her modeling career. She was homesick and missing Peter and she would comfort herself with cheeseburgers.

Allegedly even her agents instructed her to lay off the fast food. So Abbey decided to chuck it all in and return to UK.

Hmm…she is a lingerie model, not Kate Moss so she is allowed not to be pencil thin. And if she wants to eat, let her, there are plenty of eating disorders doing the rounds.

Posh launches a line of men jeans

And speaking of people who should eat more, Posh has announced the launch of her men line of jeans.

After the short reunion tour with the Spice Girls, Posh has thrown herself back into fashion with gusto.

However unlike her super skinny clothes (one has to wonder how does she manages to put that super small jeans on in the morning just looking at them makes me break out in hives) her men line will be more tolerant for the pot belly variety of men. Big and slouchy just like Goldenballs likes them. Jeans, not men.

As Posh said: “I think guys should wear jeans big and baggy, with a big pair of boots or flip-flops - exactly how you see David when he’s out in his jeans and T-shirt. Do not pull them up tight and have your bulge showing. Let it hang!”

So boys let your ahem boys hang. Although Posh jeans will resell for 100 a pop, which in my opinion is way to steep but each to its own I guess.

Rebecca Loos simply will not go away

And while we are on the subject of women Goldenballs fiddled with, Miss Rebecca Loos is still milking her 15 minutes of fame for all it is worth.

The woman that was thorn in Posh’s side for quite a while has revealed her stunning new figure after her stint on the Spanish version of reality show Survivor. What diet was she on? Raw fish. Apparently Goldenballs old flame was drifting on a raft for 3 days and she had to catch the fish herself and eat it raw. Ew. But it has paid off and she is looking better then ever.

Rebecca is currently in London and negotiating to host a chat show and launch her own line of lingerie. And if the exclusive snaps are anything to go by, she will probably model it herself.

Posh on the other hand came clean about why she did not sue anyone over the claims of the alleged affair – “I trust my husband 100 per cent… We have a very nice positive energy around us as a family and if it’s not positive and nice, I don’t want to know about it.” Hmm right. Well positive and nice are definitely not the words anyone would use to describe Rebecca Loos.

Chantelle – a wannabe WAG scores her footballer?

In case you are not familiar who exactly is Chantelle (well I didn’t know either) she was a contestant on UK version of Big Brother. And she has a bit of an obsession with Goldenballs missus. Nothing freaky you know, she just cuts her hair the same way and wears the same clothes and whatnot. Now that I have written that down, it does seem a bit freaky after all.

Anyhow, as she models herself after Posh she has decided that the next step (after the clothes and the hair) is to bag herself a Premiership footballer. And she had her heart set on Seb Hines of Middlesborough. They even went out on a few dates.

Unfortunately Chantelle did not do her research before picking her potential mate as it turned out Seb Hines has a girlfriend, a child and another one on the way. If it wasn’t so silly it would be pathetic. And say what you will Posh would never be so daft.

Chantelle was obviously devastated by the news, well onwards and upwards I’m sure there are still plenty of eligible footballers available. Maybe her and Rooney’s brother should get together, he can pretend he is Wayne and she can pretend she is Posh – a match made in heaven.

Week 2 of Danielle Lloyd’s resolution

Danielle Lloyd obviously meant business when she said she is done with footballers. It is week 2 of her resolution and she still sticking with it. And they call WAGs fickle. Tss.

Apparently Lloyd’s new conquest is actually an old friend Will Foster who has dated a string of pretty ladies including supermodel Petra Nemcova.

Although that would ring a lot of bells for some, Danielle is obviously relieved he is not a footballer but a businessman. And such is her infatuation with the man that she is whisking him off to Paris. But it is not all fun and romance, as Danielle will be appearing on a popular French show La Methode Cauet. Doing what I don’t know but still.

So lets see how long this one will last. I give it a month.

New WAG alert

There is a new WAG about the town and it is not BB’s Chantelle.

Roxanne Pallet (of the British soap Emmerdale fame) has been snapped snogging Manchester United’s Danny Simpson.

The couple was spotted bar hopping around Manchester and finally have been caught by the ever eager paps snogging in the street. Ok I will refrain from commenting on what she is wearing, as obviously she forgot to take off her nightie before she went out.

Anyhow, Roxanne was in a relationship with her fellow actor Richard Fleeshman. But obviously the actors simply will not do anymore. Will she be the next Posh? Alex Curran? Or Jordan? To be quite frank I do not know which would be the worse possible option.

Jordan likes to party

Oh Lord, Jordan is back to her old tricks. Ok to be fair maybe she just wanted to celebrate her celebrity mother of the year award. Not that she had tough competition with the likes of Kate Moss, Heather Mills and Kerry Kantona. Even so, this is quite unseemly.

Jordan decided she needed a night out on the town and who did she call? Her BFF Alex Curran of course.

The pair has been spotted stumbling all over Liverpool after a wild girls’ night out. To be fair Alex Curran is not stumbling, she is more half carrying Jordan so she does not fall flat on her face. And with boobs like that I’m pretty sure that is a mean feat.

Be as it may, Jordan has obviously failed to learn the lesson – its ok to get drunk as rat’s arse when you are a nobody. Then you only have a mother of all hangovers the next day. While Jordan has her face splashed all over tabloids. And I don’t even want to know where did that stain on her dress come from.

Gazza’s hellish depression

Details have emerged that it might not have been 2000 per day cocaine habit that got Gazza sanctioned under the Mental Health Act, but a combination of booze and antidepressants.

Gazza’s best friend Jimmy Gardner came forward with the details about what exactly went on before Gazza was sanctioned. It seems that Gazza’s downward spiral into depression began just after he had his hip surgery in December last year.

Not only did Gazza mix the medication for his bipolar disorder with booze and fags, but also he has stopped eating. Jimmy said: “Paul didn’t want anyone to see him hobbling in agony on crutches so he locked himself in his hotel room for 4 weeks. That’s when the depression kicked in. He realized he’d never play football again and feared he’d end up with a limp.”

Not only did Gazza had serious health concerns and his weight dropped, but also both his family and friends completely abandoned him. Lord no wonder the man was depressed and suicidal, it would drive anyone bonkers.

Be as it may, Gazza is currently staying with his dad and sister and seems to be recuperating slowly. Maybe this time around he will manage to stay clean and get his act together.

WagSnatch returns every Thursday with the latest in football celebrity gossip.