Tottenham announce that Harry Redknapp will be England manager

BREAKING NEWS: Today’s news is completely broken. Tottenham have taken the bold step of announcing that Harry Redknapp will be England manager for Euro 2012. The move comes as a surprise because while many people (all of Harry’s friends in the press) were certain that Redknapp would get the England callup, the FA has been quiet about the whole affair.

Tottenham believe that by announcing the news before the FA, they hold the strongest position. If Redknapp is indeed going to go with England for the Euros, the announcement will galvanise Tottenham’s usually lazy English players, all of whom will be hoping for a ticket to the Polish nightlife. If Defoe and co can tune up their act, Tottenham might be able to hang on to third place and qualify for the Champions League next season.

On the other hand, if the FA don’t want Redknapp, or vice versa, this announcement would force both parties to accept or deny the arrangement. And if Redknapp is not part of the FA’s plans for Euro 2012, he can then focus on how to make more money playing real-life Football Manager at Tottenham, and the club are happy to indulge him if it means they keep making a profit by selling high and buying low.

Win-win for Spurs. As the posters say – the country needs Harry Redknapp to decide his future once and for all – so we can get on with more important things, like wondering which referee is on Manchester United’s payroll (hint: there’s no wrong answer, they all are).

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