Football Betting News Archives

Saying goodbye to the football season is very much like giving birth to a ginger child: after nine months of optimism, hope and anguish, you’re left with a genuine feeling of disappointment.

The final day is often emotional. Who could forget Arsenal pipping Liverpool to the title in 1989? Well sadly, my old man. In fact, if you see a small befuddled pensioner roaming the streets, you’ll be better off avoiding football trivia altogether; senility is no picnic.

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Tubby Brazilian Ronaldo may be one of the greatest players to ever grace a football pitch, but he’s definitely a poor role model. The AC Milan man let himself down when he invited three members of the late-night entertainment industry back to a motel. It wasn’t just the fact that they turned out to be ladyboys; he shamefully offered to pay them for doing nothing. If I pay a builder to construct a conservatory, and he brings along a few superfluous tools, I’d expect him to keep his head down and finish the job.

This sorry tale was not the only case of mistaken identity this week; Rio Ferdinand kicked a female Chelsea steward after mistaking her for a wall. It sounds like a tall story, but I once kicked the wife by accident; I thought she was her mother.

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We might be jumping the gun here, but we’d like to think that Gerry would have written about Megan Fox instead of French foibles and Ashley Cole if he’d gotten his hands on this collection of Megan Fox snaps.

Back to the article - here’s Gerry McDonnell with this weekend’s betting tips.

At one time or another, we all make a mistake of gargantuan proportions. When the wife asked for a potential destination for a short trip, I foolishly answered ‘France’. I completely forgot that the place was almost exclusively full of the French.

As soon as we arrived I appreciated the gravity of my error, as the locals made absolutely no effort to speak any English. It appeared that they hadn’t been informed of our arrival.

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This can be a difficult time of the season for strong recommendations as title hopes evaporate; teams get lost in mid-table mediocrity with little to play for and those resigned to their fate fail to perform to expectation.

But there are some interesting clashes this weekend as in Serie A six of the top seven take each other on. In the Premier League, Arsenal’s season will finish early unless they can win at Old Trafford. There’s much to be decided at the bottom of the Bundesliga as any three from five could still be relegated and two of them meet this weekend. Ligue 1 is even less defined as only six points separates 12th from 19th and four of the bottom five have the same number of points. Only in Spain could nearly everything top and bottom of the table be resolved this weekend.

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Soccerlens welcomes odds man Gerry McDonnell for another round of playing offside, general debauchery and betting scams…although there is no evidence to suggest that Gerry McDonnell was involved in a scam, or in fact a scam actually took place, or that he’s actually paying for exclusive access to Lindsay Lohan.

I do enjoy a moral dilemma. An intellectual friend asked if I would kill a chicken to save a chicken’s life. I honestly replied that I’d happily slaughter a chicken if I missed breakfast.

He went on to ask if I would ever use inside information to profit from gambling. I once again answered in all honesty that I have never been involved in such a practice; but then again, I don’t know Harry Redknapp.

There is still uproar amongst the betting community whenever the controversial ‘next Portsmouth manager’ market is discussed. I must point out that there is no evidence to suggest that Harry Redknapp was involved in a scam, or in fact that a scam actually took place. I will just say that the 11/4 for a Newcastle win over Portsmouth should be investigated further.

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The inimitable (we’re running out of adjectives) betting expert Gerry McDonnell gives his take on this weekend’s FA Cup action, Premier League action and all the other action he loves watching on the telly.

The adult film industry has many knockers, but I remain a fully-fledged supporter. My only possible critique would be that the storylines occasionally lack realism. I can’t begin to tell you how disappointed I was with my job as a photocopier repair man.

My wife is a fierce critic of the genre as she incorrectly believes that the art form demeans women. Personally, I think it’s a positive when a hobby becomes an occupation; I would love to get paid for sending nude photographs of myself to Cheryl Tweedy. I’ll have to finance my pastime by backing Portsmouth at 10/11 to beat West Brom in their FA Cup semi-final.

My favourite sub-genre of the adult entertainment industry is the one when two ladies take a spiritual road to self-discovery. There are things I’d rather not see though, and watching Barnsley play Cardiff is the equivalent of watching Lisa Riley tinker with Jade Goody. Cardiff will probably win their semi at 11/8, but I’d rather watch something a little more uplifting.

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Gerry McDonnell returns with his weekly betting column on the English Premier League.

Marriage is like a chicken vindaloo, it’s something you have to try at least once, even though you know you’ll later regret it.

I experienced my seven-year itch quite early, it was on the honeymoon. Fortunately, my wandering eye didn’t lead to an act of betrayal, although I put that down to the fact that the barmaid was almost certainly a button-flicker.

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Gerry McDonnell returns with his weekly betting column on the English Premier League.

Even though I was brought up as a Catholic, I have never followed a spiritual path. I blame an over-zealous Priest for my descent into heresy; he was constantly on my back when I was young.

If my memory serves me correctly, Easter is a time to reflect upon the resurrection of Christ. It’s believed that after three days, He rose again. I don’t want to diminish the significance, but I’d fancy Pele to beat that. The Geordies believe that King Keegan is the one true Messiah; it would be sacrilegious not to back Newcastle at 10/11 against Fulham.

Jesus may have forgiven Robbie Keane for his petulant reaction to being substituted last weekend, but Juande Ramos was apoplectic. I have a lot of sympathy for Keane in this case; it’s an emotional time when you’re being pulled off. I’ll happily play with the even money for a Tottenham win over Portsmouth.

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Gerry McDonnell returns with his weekly betting column on the English Premier League.

There’s life in the old dog…unfortunately

Like Wayne Rooney, I’m a lover of the old. I’m never happier than when some wrinkled old seaside-bungalow hogger is regaling me with tales of a bygone age.

If my old man is to be believed, and he’s not, football was completely different in the old days. Goals were celebrated by a handshake, an assault on a goalkeeper was practically encouraged and heading the ball led to a short stay in hospital, which was basically a shed with a sponge.

I’m unsure of the best way of handling the elderly when they reach such a constant state of dull reflection, but only a fool should rule out euthanasia. It looks like Avram Grant will soon be put out of his misery; Sunderland can lend a helping hand at 7/1.

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As One Door Shuts…A Nutter One Opens

For some inexplicable reason, the subject of mental illness remains taboo. I am convinced that if we debate the topic in a mature and sensitive fashion, we could raise awareness of the constant unnecessary stigmatisation of these unfortunate lunatics.

I’m not embarrassed to admit that I used to regularly suffer from panic attacks. All it would take was an unexpected knock on the door, and I’d find myself screaming like Andy Cole’s wife. Luckily, the attack would subside once I realised my other half hadn’t arrived home from work early.

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In a week where Mohammed Al Fayed has pointed an accusing finger at Tony Blair, the Nazis, Dracula and a crocodile, it seems odd that Richard Scudamore has emerged as football’s leading figure of fun.

When a friend told me that Scudamore planned to play a round of matches overseas, I thought it was the worst idea I’d ever heard - and I used to work in a nursery. I say ‘worked’, but it went down as ‘loitering’ on the charge sheet.

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I absolutely despise Valentines Day. Conformity demands that I waste good money on a pointless gift and a meaningless card, even though the wife has spent the last 364 days of the year criticising me for being lazy. I’d happily dump her; but it’s a lot of effort to find someone new.

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BetUKnow is a Soccerlens advertiser.

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Online virtual betting portal BetUKnow (www.betuknow.co.uk) has today taken the step to unveil some of the secrets that high street bookies keep up their sleeves. We all know that bookies have them, favorite bets, money making football teams and sure fire winners for instance, but like the ‘magic circle’ those secrets will never be told. Until now!!

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I am no stranger to a lazy stereotype. I’m half-Irish and I’m married to a Scot, so some people believe we stay at home all day smoking crack and peeling potatoes; which is only half true.

It could be worse though, I could be bald. Britney Spears was considered a wholesome entertainer when she had flowing locks; but the moment she showed solidarity with the follicly challenged, the authorities took her children away.

It’s not just tubby Americans who persecute the hairless. When Andy Johnson had a little decoration on his head, he was awarded penalties and his goals were allowed to stand; now he’s shunned like Lewis Hamilton on a weekend trip to Majorca.

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Call me old-fashioned, but i believe that fidelity remains the cornerstone of a successful relationship. I would never cheat on my wife, unless the opportunity arose.

I have serious doubts over my wife’s respect for monogamy. The word on the street is that Ashley Cole was physically sick while performing the horizontal 64-second jig, which fits in perfectly with the wife’s M.O.

I can’t condemn Cole too strongly, as he’s not the first man to hurl after munching on a late-night kebab. On reflection, he probably should have stuck with a sausage sandwich. A Chelsea draw against Pompey ticks all the right boxes at 5/2, and then cleans them with disinfectant.

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CanBet.com is a Football Media advertiser.

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Statistics are normally my trusted ally, but even close friends can occasionally fall out. Research claims to prove that men are over 50% more likely to be involved in a road accident than women, but that’s probably because they’ve all been run over by dippy bints.

Only last weekend, the wife’s vertiginous nature led to a particularly bad smash. Betty was seriously shaken up, but luckily, a Scientologist was quickly on the scene.

The incident would never have occurred if we lived in Saudi Arabia, as women are forbidden from driving by law. They must really respect their women to go to such lengths to keep them safe.

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My heart goes out to the clinically depressed and the morbidly obese, but I have a genuine illness; I suffer from sleep deprivation. I believe my condition is a result of an incident that occurred many years ago, when I was naïve enough to believe that physical attractiveness was not an essential requirement in the process of potential mate selection.

It was a Saturday night, and I found myself frequenting a nightclub with a group of friends, such was the custom at that time. As 2am arrived and a sense of desperation filled the air, I approached a lady who I thought looked quite hot. It turned out she was just very sweaty. As she made her intentions clear, I made the cardinal error of not topping up my alcohol level before exiting the building. On the taxi ride home, sobriety kicked in like a tortured mule.

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When it comes to a worthy cause, I live to give. I was so moved by Pele’s appeal to help men with erectile dysfunction that i agreed to pay £10 a month towards the campaign, but unfortunately I wasn’t able to keep it up.

Liverpool FC were not so generous of spirit when Luton Town asked for financial assistance before their FA Cup tie. The Reds were well within their rights to refuse to help, as they already look after the needy by paying Jamie Carragher a weekly wage.

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The wife and I are similar in many ways, but we disagree on the most prudent way to discipline children. Betty is from the old-school, and believes a small slap is perfectly acceptable. I take the opposite view, and prefer the use of a knuckle-duster.

Such actions would not be necessary if it wasn’t for our children being led astray by poor role-models, such as Premier League footballers. Even fully grown men occasionally follow their contentious lead; just last Tuesday I enjoyed a lunchtime roast.

It’s not just the off-field antics that leave a nasty taste in the mouth; the game is still riddled with simulation. There appears to be a growing number of players who embrace the turf more than Jodie Foster.

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I remain a slave to tradition. Every year, I make a complete fool of myself at the office Christmas party, and this year was no exception. After consuming a few too many ales, I made a misguided play for the cleaner under the mistletoe. He was absolutely livid.

My luck is unlikely to improve over the holidays. The wife has invited her mother and her sister to Christmas dinner. Ho Ho Ho.

I refuse to wallow in self pity though, as there are children in this world who live in near poverty. In a completely selfless gesture on my part, I’ve bought myself a new pair of trainers to reward their strong work ethic.

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Online Betting Guide is a new advertiser on Soccerlens (to advertise your website, please see this page) - here’s an overview of their website and what they offer.

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For football fans there are individual competitions for many countries and even for different types of bets. At the end of each month everyone can see your position in the league, you can become well known and build up a loyal following through your sporting knowledge.

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I’m all for good-natured banter at a football match, but supporters are beginning to overstep the line. Harry Redknapp commands respect from all the major players in the game, such as Frank Lampard and Jamie Redknapp, yet the colourful manager endured a torrent of vitriolic abuse when Portsmouth travelled to Aston Villa.

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A great book does not necessarily make a great movie. Catch 22 is probably the seminal piece of literature of the twentieth century (if we choose to overlook Derek McGovern on Sports Betting); yet the film was a major disappointment. Somewhat conversely, I found George Orwell’s tale of Soviet totalitarianism quite heavy going, but I must have watched Animal Farm 17 times.

One story that is absolutely crying out for the transfer to celluloid is the life and times of Harry Redknapp. Harry has unrealistically named Ray Winstone as an ideal candidate to play the leading role; I’d have cast Timothy Spall. I have it on good authority that Spall would consider any offer, so I’m knocking up a script entitled ‘The Buying, the Twitch and the Hoard Probe’.

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Do you think that the results of football matches can be rigged?

Match fixing in sporting competitions (thanks to the money involved - welcome to the dark side of sports betting) is not as uncommon as one might think, nor is it as simple as some suggest.

Football too has come under scrutiny, with UEFA collaborating with Interpol because of suspicious betting patterns in the preliminary rounds of UEFA club competitions. Uefa has given a 96-page report to Interpol alleging that 15 games in a variety of competitions were fixed - these games are all from lower-profile matches from Champions League, UEFA Cup and Intertoto qualification games.

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Sigmund Freud was nothing but a hairy quack. My cantankerous nature is not the result of a repressed Oedipus complex; I only feel hostility towards my father because he’s really annoying.

Before senility kicked in, the old fellow would try in vain to act cool around my friends. I genuinely sympathise with anyone who has had to endure a similar ordeal; so naturally I have plenty of time for Shaun Wright-Phillips.

I must defend Shaun after allegations that he left a female guest in tears at his recent birthday bash. It’s been reported that the young lady broke down when Wright-Phillips allegedly snatched her camera. All she had to do was hold it up in the air.

I can’t be as forgiving in regard to the disgraceful behaviour of John Terry. I have no problem with the England captain publicly urinating in a cup; but hitting the dance floor remains a strict social faux pas for any self-respecting male.

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The odds have been set for next summer’s Euro 2008. The favourites out of the 16 nations to win the tournament are Germany, Italy, Spain, Holland and France. Co-hosts Austria and Switzerland have been seeded first along with defending champions Greece as the race for the final in Vienna on June 29th begins.

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I’ve never really seen the point in children. I can appreciate their usefulness when they’re big enough to nip down to the off-license, but I’m not sure if that justifies the £10 a year it costs to clothe them.

My little Goliath has been playing up recently. The wife has the cheek to say he takes after his father, although that does boil down to guesswork on her part.

I’ve gone out of my way to try and bond with the lad in an attempt to curb his misbehaviour. I even tried to connect with my feminine side; but I had to call it a day when my phone bill went through the roof.

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Advertisements rarely reflect real life. Take the long-running ad where an irritating couple attempt to arrange a £25,000 loan.

When the bint turns to her slow-witted spouse and asks, “How much do we want to borrow again?” midway through the negotiations, the so-called male doesn’t even attempt to administer the appropriate response to her fundamental lack of preparation.

The ending is also a complete fabrication. When she says, “Josh, Dad’s found your scooter,” it breaks off before she can add, “He’s going to need it now he has to sell his car to allow us to meet the crippling repayments that will burden us until we welcome death like a long-lost relative.”

Deregulation in the betting industry has finally allowed bookmakers to lie on television. I was extremely disappointed with the one starring Ian Wright. The former Gunner plays an opinionated buffoon; which is hardly a great stretch.

I’d like to have seen Kelly Dalglish and Georgie Thompson front the campaign. Picture the scene: the girls are lying on a four-poster bed, tickling each other and discussing the weekend football. Suddenly, a slight difference of opinion develops into a full blown pillow-fight. The excited pair then realise that a small bet would settle their differences amicably. They then kiss and make up for a couple of minutes.

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