April Fools Day
Since April 2007, Soccerlens puts up a series of harmless, fun (for others if not for the supporters of a particular club) fake news items every 1st April. Here they are – read, enjoy, and and join in next time if you’re interested.
Liverpool declare independence, King Kenny to lead them to league title
Liverpool have declared their independence as a separate and sovereign nation, electing King Kenny as their first leader. Liverpool will also breakaway from the English Premier League with immediate effect to form their own Liverpool Premier League, where they, as the only members, will be guaranteed silverware each season. Liverpool’s declaration of independence has come…
Premier League referees declare war on Manchester United
Premier League referees – backed by Liverpool, Tottenham and Manchester City – have launched a scathing attack on Manchester United, claiming that Sir Alex Ferguson was single-handedly responsible for the unbelievable amounts of abuse referees are subjected to in English football and that they were now on a warpath against United, and would not rest…
Tottenham announce that Harry Redknapp will be England manager
BREAKING NEWS: Today’s news is completely broken. Tottenham have taken the bold step of announcing that Harry Redknapp will be England manager for Euro 2012. The move comes as a surprise because while many people (all of Harry’s friends in the press) were certain that Redknapp would get the England callup, the FA has been…
Arsenal plan test-tube footballers to outsmart Chelsea, Tottenham and United
Plans leaked from Wenger’s mobile phone (which also contained some tasty photos that we’re never going to share – respect, Monsieur Wenger, respect) reveal Arsenal’s secret plans to outsmart their rival football clubs – by creating test-tube footballers using the finest possible footballer DNA collected over the last decade. Arsene Wenger’s Arsenal project is nearing…
Tottenham plan stupendous Premier League title heist against Arsenal, United and co.
Secret plans recovered from incinerators next to White Hart Lane (allegedly used by Tottenham to destroy incriminating evidence against Harry Redknapp) have revealed an incredibly risky and left-field strategy for Tottenham winning the Premier League next season. With this season down the toilet thanks to Harry’s romance with the English press, Tottenham have put all…
Chelsea appoint John Terry as player-manager as Terry promises ‘no slipups’ in Champions League
Roman Abramovich Chelsea have appointed John Terry as player manager with immediate effect, with the board highlighting his fantastic team talks and tactical input from the sidelines as the core reasons for making this decision. The Chelsea FC official website read: “We welcome John Terry to formally assume the role of Chelsea manager and to…
Manchester City owners complete Barclays takeover, dock Manchester United 100 points
Manchester City’s owners completed their takeover of Barclays Bank this morning and immediately set about ringing some changes that will shake the very foundations of English football. Sheikh Mansour’s first order of business was to instruct the Premier League – sponsored by Barclays – to deduct a mind-boggling 100 points from Manchester United for ‘failing…
Capello to hand captaincy to Gareth Ainsworth for Switzerland qualifier
In order to avoid a repeat of the media circus surrounding the issue of the England captaincy, Fabio Capello has pre-emptively named his next captain for the World Cup qualifier against Switzerland on June 4th. In the presence of the assembled media, the Italian schemer revealed with trademark clarity: “I choose new captain for game…
Real Madrid promise £100m for Cristiano Ronaldo – Manchester United cash in
The article below is an April Fools Joke. The real story of Cristiano Ronaldo’s transfer to Madrid is here. In the most expensive transfer in the history of professional sports, Real Madrid have committed to paying 100m for Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo. In a move that David Gill described as ‘the textbook definition of too-good-to-refuse’,…
Manchester United Sex Scandal – Ronaldo, Rooney, Anderson and Nani in US orgy
Manchester United’s fearsome four have established their reputation not only for their brilliant football but also for their sexual exploits, the likes of which have never been revealed to the mass media before. Sources close to Wayne Rooney have revealed the grand exploits of this foursome with their conquests ranging from the top of Hollywood…
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