SL Daily: Beckham’s threesome, Tottenham dogbowls, Barcelona underwear, United boners and German thrillers – it’s all happening now!

While you feast on the irresistible Melissa Satta and Ronaldo’s new / ex girl Karina Bacchi, here are some links to keep you entertained this weekend:

The Premier League Manchester United Show

Liverpool take on Manchester United today while Chelsea host Manchester City tomorrow. It’s supposed to be an important weekend for the title race.

However, instead of preparing for the game that could inspire false hope or condemn them to desperate hope, the Liverpool camp is still complaining about their inability to win 13 years ago.

Meanwhile Chelsea, who stand to benefit the most out of this game at Old Trafford, well, their new manager wants to leave before he’s sacked (makes sense).

The remaining ‘big’ team (Arsenal) have two senior defenders who don’t like each other and players like Adebayor, Eboue, Bendtner and van Persie who have at times caused friction within the dressing room, but since this is a club for ‘smart’ people I’m sure it will be for Arsenal’s benefit.

All part of Wenger’s master-plan when he appointed Gallas as captain and refused to let Lehmann a season earlier because he was so ‘sure’ his squad could withstand players no one really liked.

By the way, Real Madrid, in how many different languages do you want this translated in (we do 16 if you count English and use all the options in the right column under the ‘Translate’ heading):

Cristiano Ronaldo: “I don’t want to go to Real Madrid. I am happy at Manchester United. I will be here next year as well.”

You know why? Because Manchester United have the biggest packages. Here’s video evidence (sort of).

The European Edition…

The Bundesliga will be won by Wolfsburg. There, we’ve said it. Now get ready to praise our (or rather, Henrik’s) genius two months from now. If you lose money on this, then you’re really stupid for spending money on something you know nothing about based on advice from someone you don’t know. Get the facts, read the ‘reasoned’ analysis.

Scottish football gets a bad rap for many reasons – and today you’re going to find out why. On this week’s Soccerlens Podcast we look at the ins, outs and whereabouts of Scottish football along with our special guests, Courtney St John and Clair Meek (in spirit – in reality we’re joined by Ewan Murray from the Guardian, who apparently knows a bit more about football than either of those two).

The Champions League quarterfinal draw will happen next Friday, which means more time to speculate endlessly about who we hate the most want to see in the semi-finals.

No Italians though, as the football literati have gone great lengths to highlight for us, and it’s all Jose Mourinho’s fault. He’s not going to take the backlash lying down, regardless of how much he sacrifices himself in the press for his ‘couldn’t-put-the-fkn-ball-in-the-fkn-net’ stars – he’s got to take it out on someone. And it’s not pretty.

The Italians will therefore spend the rest of the season hating Jose Mourinho and loving David Beckham – who has apparently betrayed the Galaxy and the MLS by wanting to play in the World Cup. Football fans make for ideal victims – if this was a relationship they would be the neurotic, obsessive, over-possessive boyfriend who can’t give the girl what she wants but still want her to suffer with him, all because he made promises he couldn’t keep.

As you can see, a threesome played out in public (technically the actual threesome will be in July when Milan play Galaxy and Beckham, will, tries to score against both teams with his deadly set plays) is not the best of things to happen to football, a football player or any football club. But they suffer self-inflicted pain and we suffer because of their whining when all we want is good footballers playing great games week in and week out. Seriously, when did we go from ‘football fans’ to ‘jealous, cant-let-go-ever!’ exes?

Fans = Gullible Customers

If you’re still with us and wondering why we talk about dog bowls and underwear in the title, thank you for your patience. Here’s your strange, often weird, mostly sad collection of football merchandise. See if you can find worse things that clubs ACTUALLY put their logos on (no photoshopping!).

Liverpool stun Old Trafford - can Manchester United recover in time?
10 reasons why Wolfsburg will win the Bundesliga