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Real Madrid promise £100m for Cristiano Ronaldo – Manchester United cash in

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The article below is an April Fools Joke. The real story of Cristiano Ronaldo’s transfer to Madrid is here.

In the most expensive transfer in the history of professional sports, Real Madrid have committed to paying 100m for Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo.

In a move that David Gill described as ‘the textbook definition of too-good-to-refuse’, Manchester United will net £100m upfront and take off around £6m / year from their bloated wage bill. If there was ever a profit to be made, the American owners have made it here.

This is all part of Manchester United’s plan to pay off their debt by 21 December 2012, and along with selling Ronaldo to Real Madrid they are also poised to sell several other players to leading European clubs.

Ronaldo will move to Real Madrid in July after the Euro 2008 championship in the summer, signing a mind-boggling deal that:

  • gets him £200k / week, in basic pay
  • £100k for every goal scored
  • £50k for every penalty won
  • £20k for every prostitute he shags that the press finds out about
  • £50k for every celebrity he shags – that the press …
  • Free condoms for life (Durex have jumped at the chance of sponsoring the most expensive sportsman’s shorts)

Frank Rijkaard, the next Real Madrid manager, was quick to downplay the expenses:

Ronaldo is the ultimate Galactico – the way he struts after scoring, the sheer audacity of his goals and the quality of his dribbling makes him a joy to watch, both for male and female fans.

Cristiano Ronaldo will – how do you say it – bring the sexy back to Real Madrid.

Ruud van Nistelrooy, the dutch scoring machine and former teammate of Ronaldo at Manchester United and now at Real Madrid, wasn’t worried about reigniting their feud:

I’m not too worried about Ronaldo – everyone knows that he’s here to score goals, shag the women of Spain and earn the club more money than ever. More goals and more money means bonuses for all of us, and my wife left me a long time ago, so I have nothing to be afraid of from Ronaldo.

I look forward to playing with him and hopefully we can compete together for all sorts of records at Real Madrid.

No one from Manchester United was available for official comments, although an insider had this to say:

I am happy to see Ronaldo go – back in Korea they always compare me with Cristiano, now I will be in the starting XI and show my family back home who the real star is at Manchester United. More playing time will help me find where the goal is as well, fingers crossed.

Pundits are predicting an unexpected sweep of all trophies next season for Real Madrid – surely they will be able to win the coveted Champions League trophy with Ronaldo on their side?

And in other news

BREAKING NEWS: Manchester United to sell players and stadium to pay off £700m debt

Manchester United Sex Scandal – Ronaldo, Rooney, Anderson and Nani in US orgy


Disclaimer: April Fool! icon smile Real Madrid promise £100m for Cristiano Ronaldo   Manchester United cash in Nothing in the above news item should be considered truthful – it is all a figment of the author’s imagination. To read more April Fool stories, please visit our April Fools section on Soccerlens.

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Comments (55)

  1. LOL! What a silly rumor! April fools day, Ahmed ;)

  2. Finally have we got rid of the one-trick showpony who never show up in big matches, base his performances on luck only, only cares about his good looks and never make any assists to his teammates! This is a great day for Manchester United and the chance Fletcher and O´Shea have been waiting for, surely now they have their big chance to be first team untouchables!

  3. Lol! This is so hilarious! It is clearly far fetched, yet I couldn’t help cracking up over the part about him shagging spanish women!

  4. clearly a joke. But a funny 1. Foto is Photoshoped:P

  5. wow!
    it’s very nice
    i like it

  6. Jorgen is retarded. Ronaldo is not a show pony who cares only about his looks. he is the greatest player in the world and just so u know jorgen, he’s had 43 career total assists, so dont say he never assists his teammates and never passes. watch him play. he is the most skilled player in the world. if his preformance is based on luck, then how did he score 42 goals this season. seems like a bit more than luck. anyways if ronaldo is smart(which he is) he’ll stay with united for the rest of his career.

  7. Jorgen u are retarded

  8. te quero cristi

  9. wow! dats Great, but if its true i know Real madrid can’t have him this season

  10. every one knows that he is a good player as well as he is selfish and gives priority than the club.Look roony he is not a type of that.

  11. I agree with Geoffrey in what he commented earlier.
    It is true that Ronaldo isn’t lucky to score those goals and he assists his teammates a fair amount of times. Ronaldo is arguably the best in the world at this time, I would say. Sadly, I think he may be moving to RealMadrid which would be a downfall for the EPL. Btw, I’m an arsenal fan which doesn’t fancy Man Utd and Ronaldo..but I’ve to admit he is good.

  12. wow jorgen u are truly an idiot of the highest rank

  13. ronaldo is simply the best!!! jorgen – u talk absolute muck!!!

  14. ronaldo is not selfish he is the 2nd best plyer in da wald so shut up retards who are busy making some next level funny jokes about him because u muppets have u ever seen ronaldo play hes cool but also better plyer than the top lyers in da wald. for example:fabregas for arsenal,john terry and frank lampard for vchelsea,steven gerrard for liverpool who is arrested and finally ronaldinho for barcelona and by the way are u lot stupid do you even think he would be so dum that he would move to real madrid.ill tell ya what will happen,when real madrid will give hi mthe contract to sign hell say he dont want to really move and the money will be in manchester uniteds hand inc cristiano ronaldo so those people who think ronaldo is going real madrid then u probably need a new brain lol

    thinking is hard right so funny lol[s]

  15. no he is just a good player and if you were in his place you would of done the same thing 100 million is alot of money and he is one of the best player who ever played the game so stop.

  16. i rlly want c.ronaldo 2 go 2 real madrid

  17. tung qa po ban o ronaldo var gole e ki ja shum te vor egi jap a

  18. that’s not cool i hate real madrid

  19. cris should stay at man.he will be a best if he stay with ferguson at man

  20. if ronaldo is smart he wil stay at man u. real madrid got a good team but not as strong as the team thee were 6/5 years ago whit zidane figo roberto carlos hiero raul makalele ronaldo etc. the only player at this moment who plays world class fore madrid is robben.but we all no he,s made of glass.if ronaldo wants more money then i wish him the best of luck.but if he wants two continu his already impressive trovee collection he must stay and play fore man united

  21. RONALDO CANT GO YO REAL MADRID.HE CANT
    by elinaronaldo

  22. please dont go to real madrid man u cant win without you lots of love ciara xoxo please do the right thing x

  23. i’m sorry for all you manu fans how can you back the worst team in the world seriously

  24. oh and before i forget the drama queen wouldn’t last a day playing spanish football suck on

  25. my dream is this for real madrid
    i want ronaldo , robinho , zidan , they are com to real madrid

  26. Real Madrid should purchase some young players like Lulinha,Carlos eduardo,Marcelo Moreno,Renatinho beside Kaka,Ronaldo & Ribery

  27. Ronaldo should not leave man united because man u r the best in the world ok we lost to bercalona 2-0 well its better den 6-2 we won our league real mardrid came 2nd Ronaldo is better here is in better hands

  28. i am glad to see the record offer for the great player in the world.its nic to c him in real madrid along with kaka now its the best site.b careful F.Cs my man is on fireee C.Ronaldo rocks!

  29. wooooowwwwww C.Ronaldo n kaka

  30. ronaldo is the fucking best…whoever says otherwise is stupid and does not know soccer. fuck barca…lets go real!

  31. Ronaldo has already played for Manchester utd for more than 3hears. He has proved he is among the best players in the world. The offer(100 million pound) from Real warrants it. He mustnow excel on new horizon. We wish him Good luck.

  32. CRISTIANO RONALDO DONT LEAVE MANCHESTER UNITED!!
    THAT WILL BE THE MOST STUPID AND IDIOTIC THING U EVER DID!
    IF U ARE NOT STUPID, U WONT LEAVE MANCHESTER UNITED!
    IF U DO I WONT BE UR FAN ANYMORE!!!!
    PLEASE DONT LEAVE!!UR DA BEST PLAYER IN DA WHOLE WORLD!!!
    THE OTHERS ARE NO MATCH FOR U DUDE!!

  33. THINK FIRST BEFORE DOING SOMETHING RONALDO!
    U DONT WANT TO LEAVE MANCHESTER UNITED!!
    IF U ARE SMART, DONT LEAVE MANUTD!
    THAT WILL SUCK IF THAT HAPPENS PLEASE DONT LEAVE!!

  34. U DONT WANT TO LEAVE MANCHESTER UNITED!!

  35. realmadrid wiill be the best team ever

  36. Cristiano think things better, take your time….MANCHESTER UNITED is your life people love you their…it would suck to see you leave!, but the again your a big man may you make the best decision for your self!!!!!

  37. RONALDO DONT LEAVE I LOVEYOU UR MY FAV PLAYER AND IM UR NO1 FAN UR CARRIER WILL JUST GO STREIGHT DOWN LIKE DAVID BECKHAMS AND HE HAS ALREADY SAID NOT TO GO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  38. ronaldo make a mistake to join real no trophy for him there

  39. i like ronaldo bu he make me unhappy goodluck to hime there NO 1 RONALDO FAN.

  40. say to all your fans, that you never go from Manchester United!!!

  41. you just think about money…

  42. stupid mistake, RONALDO ..

  43. dumb mistake Cristiano Rolando all of your teams are going away from u so it not good u should go back

  44. how dumb are u Jorgan u don’t know how good this guy is he is better then your freaken favorite player !!!!!!

  45. well………..its good man….!!!

  46. i think ronaldo should go because all of us need to make a change in our life

  47. for me, its one of the hard decision to make….
    but,, watever his decision i hope its a correct one….because of the changes can effect his career in future for him and also for his trilion of fans out here…..watever all the best

  48. better cristiano ronaldo will leave from manchester united and go to real madrid . AND REAL MADRID WILL BE THE BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD

  49. ronaldo is the best players in the world

  50. c.ronaldo have the world fans for presented 80.000 fans in the bernabeu

  51. madrid indeed now have the stars but not necessarily be so.

  52. U just tinking money.

  53. turns out the £100m figure was not far away :)

  54. cristiano is in real now

  55. well it’s goodss man…….