Looking through the Soccerlens postbag this week we found a letter from a man much in the news at the moment. He has written for our help as he feels he is simply misunderstood:

Dear Soccerlens,

I have been reading your website for some time in an attempt to gain a deeper understanding of the game of football. I must say I find the writing of Graham Fisher to be particularly enlightening.

I need your help with a very difficult problem. I have made a sound decision based on my extensive knowledge of the game but it appears that most other people think I am wrong. I am disappointed to discover that in England people are allowed to disagree with me. In the past I would have had them….never mind, they’ve proved nothing!

People say my knowledge of football is lacking but I can assure you that I have followed Manchester for many years. I was surprised when I saw us play for the first time and we were wearing blue shirts and not the famous red ones, and I also found that we no longer played at Old Stratford, which was disappointing.

I made a big mistake when I chose the man to be manager of my team. I found out that a man who had been the manager of England, so he was obviously the best manager in the country, was looking for a job. I gave him a job and he has very badly let me down. Manchester is a big team and we won the Cup of Europe when Bobby Best and Dennis Charlton were the big men. With a history like that and Sven Goran Eriksson in charge I expected us to win every game and every competition.

Instead, what has happened is that we have finished ninth. Not only have we finished ninth but another team from Manchester has done really well and will probably win the league. They are rubbish and only a few years ago they were in the third division. A man called Dickoff scored a goal that got them promotion. I have considered using that name as a theme to deal with Mr. Eriksson but no doubt the League Managers Association would have a go at me about that as well. You can do nothing in bloody England!

I said at the start of the season that I wanted us to be in the top ten. Ninth is simply not good enough and I have every right to murd, ki, sack the man responsible.

Things are going to change around here now. I am in charge and people better get used to it. I will not tolerate failure and the Manchester fans will be singing from the other foot when I achieve world domination. Eriksson must go. Anyone who argues will be…well, let’s just say that shouldn’t argue.

Do you think I am right, Soccerlens? Can you see why I have decided to rid my club of this useless failure of a man?

Thank you for listening and I trust you will answer me in the way I want to be answered.

TS, Manchester, Thailand

Soccerlens reply

Dear TS,

You certainly have a sticky problem. The problem is that you haven’t got the faintest idea about football, it’s history, it’s culture, it’s present, it’s past or it’s future. Sacking Mr. Eriksson is probably the most bizarre, outrageous and ridiculous thing I have ever heard a club owner come up with. You should be very proud of that fact because there have been a lot of things said by Club owners that beggar belief.

To do what you are doing shows us everything that is wrong with our beautiful, wonderful game. To finish the league in the top ten in the country is a magnificent achievement and improvement on the recent past. Mr. Eriksson as done a marvelous job and is loved and respected by the players and the fans. I appreciate that real respect and real love may be alien concepts to you, but they are actually quite important things.

I urge you to reconsider your decision. I’m not talking about your decision to sack the manager, I’m talking about your decision to have anything to do with English football. Please don’t do it anymore. Please consider relieving yourself of your duties and letting someone sensible take over.

Thanks for taking the time to write to Soccerlens. I hope we have been of some help.

Your letters answered every Monday at Soccerlens