Just how rich are the new sugar daddies at the Eastlands? Rich enough to build a football stadium with their OWN money. Take that, you American bastards.
In fact they’re so rich that they have launched an audacious bid to sign four of Liverpool’s top players in return for building the Reds’ long-awaited new stadium in Stanley Park. Dr Sulaiman Al-Fahim, the businessman behind the takeover, has offered to fly his slaves team of architects in from Abu Dhabi and build the stadium free of charge if Liverpool part company with Steven Gerrard, Javier Mascherano, Pepe Reina and Fernando Torres during the January transfer window.
Liverpool’s American owners, George Gillett and Tom Hicks, are believed to be happy with the deal, with sources quoting them as saying the deal “will secure the long-term future of the club.” The duo have recently made it known that work on the stadium will be delayed until economic conditions become more certain, but Dr Sulaiman has vowed to complete the stadium before the end of the current season.
Rafael Benitez is not happy with the decision but as usual he’s had little input in the matter. Morale in the camp is very high though, with the four outgoing players ecstatic to have a chance to actually win something and the youth/reserve team players itching to get a shot at actually starting for Liverpool. The only downside is that Jamie Carragher has announced his retirement at the end of the January transfer window saying that he could not stand being ignored by Manchester City.
The only other condition that Dr Sulaiman would impose is that the stadium be called Abu Dhabi United Stadium (or ‘United’ for short). But with Liverpool already in discussions with Dubai Investment Capital there is another option on the table. It is believed the two Arab groups would be willing to join together and merge the two clubs.
The new club has been given the working name M62 Arab United, and there are tentative plans to build a new stadium on wasteland near to Warrington. This option might be preferred as it would allow the two clubs to pool their players and financial resources. The club would play in a new purple kit to symbolise the coming together of red and blue.
Dr Sulaiman is said to believe that Liverpool are the rightful owners of football’s soul and is eager to snap it up as soon as possible. For their part, Liverpool fans must be delighted that after selling their soul to the devil, they’ve finally been given their rewards, at least in this lifetime.
If you haven’t figured it by now, the above article is a work of fiction. Try to take it lightly, or barring that, take a break from life and go find your sense of humour. Cheers.
I can only assume that this wind-up must mean that Liverpool are playing Manchester United soon?
lpool for 40 years and I found this funny
United Scum, United Scum, United Scum etc., etc., etc…..
At least you guys admit when you are tacking the p!ss…unlike the plethora of other journo’s who spew crap out all day touting it as valid / from genbuine sources / nailed on etc etc.
Well done, a nice break from the boring drivel
This is pure rubbish. Some Manc is laughing away at their own joke…… 3 words for you. NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!
Let me guess the new club will be called Harchester United?? Give me a break.
LIVERPOOL FC
18 League titles
5 European Cups
THE MOST SUCCESSFUL CLUB IN ENGLISH FOOTBALL
Lifelong City fan here (some 40 years up to now!) and have to say cheers for that – proper giggle in this tide of negative press against City. It’s nice to see you scousers have retained a sense of humour.
Good luck against those ABM bastards next week!
(ABM = Anywhere But Manchester in case you were wondering).
Bar steward! haha! Had me going for at least 5 seconds!
With the Yanks in charge and football going the way it is, nothing would surprise me these days!
Trader needs to worry a little. Untd are not far behind certainly on league titles – 17 i believe. Could well equal this year, certainly Liverpool USA style are not gonna win another this season. I doubt my team, Man City will do it. Realisticly it will be Chelsea or MUFC with a possibity of Arsenal.
Thereafter, who knows, we have so much money it defies belief. What we paid for Robhino is not even a days interest on their money. Which means 3 or 4 days interest to buy Ronaldo, Torres etc etc. I could happily wait a week to be able to afford them !!!!
In the mean time please carry on contributing to the Man City Strikers fund. IE travel to away matches (or home in the case of most Man Utd fans) as at least a £1 from every gallon used goes to our owners.
A Happy City fan though slightly disconcerted at the prospect of success.
A merge will never happen if it does i will not know what to do, but totakeall the success liverpool has had and then basically abolish it would be a joke and as for my beloved city who were also not bad back in the tudor times i would not be happy it would make city far to stable to merge and to be honest im so used to city a bit of unstability is welcome now and again if we didnt have that or werent winning something we would be a boring west ham or bolton come on you blues, we are immpeccable.
All those liverpudlian’s reading this and trying to justify why such a thing would not happen are just proving how poorly they read! It says at the end of the article that it is nothing but fiction but for some reason people seem to be under the impression that it’s remotely possible. Are liverpool fan’s THAT scared of manchester city?
TOP team in Manchester now…..will be…and without doubt..Manchester CITY !!!!!.
Eat your hearts out….MANURE………..Oops
ye thats gonna happen isn’t it!! this arab is even worse than bloody roman abromavich!!
no way would benitez ever let that happen!!
and the players wouldn’t leave either!!
and if that is true that hicks and gillete are happy with it, its just coz there dumbass americans who only think of saving money!! if this does happen which it won’t i think liverpool fans will literally be out 2 kill those yanks!!
GET RID OF THE YANKS!!! DIC…PLZ BUY THEM OUT!!
every October since I was a boy erstwhile man city now mad a(man abu dabi)city are league champions top team in europe generally dreaming dreams of what it might be like to be actually what Manchester United are not just forever aspirants. Come May city’s dreams are like last year’s snow melted into nothingness I am actually enjoying seeing and hearing the clueless ones flatulate once more this time beneath their burkahs. What now of the slogan ‘this is our city’?!It is full of thai curry, sand and that which makes the grass grow green in Texas.
funnyies thing i ever heard hahahahahahhahahahahaha imagine taking all that time to write this hahahaha manchester city will always rot below liverpool!!
Quality, brass eye eat your heart out.
I knew you were talking crap the moment you involved Carra into it.
What a waste of precious time!
But to be honest, I’m just waiting for january when the flippin penniless Americanos are fucking off.
I know since Al Fahim is Al Maktoum’s son in-law, sooner rather than later, Liverpool will follow in the footsteps of Man City.
Yankee F – it took you that long?
Good to see that some people still have their sense of humour
can we get over and just buy liverpool?
im tired of these yanks using our club for profits!
sell it to the damn arabs or let the fans take over.
we need to do something to make sure these yanks (gillet and that hicks punk) do something to put liverpool as the #1 club in europe. the arabs can do that!
this article is funny, silly. but only thing that was ridiculous was the stupid merge idea.
but yeah, with americans in the cockpit anything can happen.
bloody racist yanks sell it to the arabs, you buy their oil and sell them your buildings in NY so let us sleep properly and sell the damn club.
HAHA QUALITY
that would be funny if it happened.
Hah Man City would need to give us a stadium just for Fernando torres left boot
LIVERPOOL FC
18 League titles
5 European Cups
THE MOST SUCCESSFUL CLUB IN ENGLISH FOOTBALL
Yeah perhaps – but wake up fella, United have been kings round these parts for the last decade or so, consistently performing. We are the best team in the world, Liverpool were once….maybe…a long time ago.
United thru and thru.
This is actually quite funny to say a Manc has written it. Wouldn’t surprise me at all though if the Americans would actually consider doing the first part of your “hilarious” little prank.
Jimbob, you drive a hard bargain. Very well you will have your stadium, now give us the left boot!!!!!
Wow you should really get a life… have you got nothing else to do? like work or studies?
BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA God that’s fucking funny…. total bullshit but funny
A refreshing piece of ‘news’ ;-p
Don’t believe your sh*t.
This news probably “leaked from Two American Idiots PR to make sure Liverpool fan uneasy
this actually made me laugh! (pool fan)
Now what is much more likely is that the stadium formerly known as the Swamp (located in the Borough of Trafford for all you away day “hard core” manyoo fans)be converted into the Worlds biggest piggy bank so that all of those “loyal” fans of the Worlds biggest club debt can chip in their cash to start paying the banks back. Lets just hope that intrest rates rise a few points because that will soon bring the evil empire to its knees.
Haha, that was quite funny. But also worrying that when i read the headline and started reading the article..it still in my mind seemed quite possible the way things are going!
Bit concerned how some people really don’t seem to be taking much attention of the whole article or even other peoples comments which clearly state it’s fiction though…
what a joke…ive got all kinda rumours and news from soccerlens but this is the funniest of all mails ive ever read in my entire life…mayb ever again….do u think we liverpool fans are donkeys to believe all this “stuff”??
Never gonna happen…I was scared reading the first few lines…but when i got thru the end, I re-assured if that mail really came from soccerlens…coz it was soooooooo funny…LOL..[:D]
How long did it take you to think of that joke, let me guess, you took an overdose of VIAGRA and it just appeared in your head, even though it was quite funny and i didn’t believe it for a single moment, i think you need to get a life, besides you are probably a manc, sure whats you guys.
Frank – this IS work…
Is everyone looking forward to ‘Grand Slam Saturday’?
Superb!!! LIke Chaz i have been a liverpool fan for almost 40 years and had to laugh, anyway, back to work
I sense the Munichs are starting to feel the pressure. No more bitter blues. we now have scared shitss reds. roll on derby day.
wow Woodsy you are really mature
really funny that NOT! cant you type something constructive rather than this garbage
As a kid I had a wind-up toy and every time I wound the key, sure enough, off it went. Easy to wind-up you could say.
Now I could compare that wind-up toy to Liverpool fans on that basis alone but that wouldn’t be fair.
The truth is that that sad little plastic toy wasn’t half as gullible as Liverpool fans, so to make the comparison would do it an injustice!
That has to be the funniest story ever, very good dear writer! Im a liverpool fan and laughed all the way through it.
Ive heard a rumour that the guys taking the lead in DIC are actually married to the Abu Dhabis sister!
Very, very funny. I’m a lifelong liverpool fan, but c’mon fellow scousers – that was hilarious. won’t be long before the entire prem is run by the arabs.
much likely a big joke, but fun as hell
if the amercian take that offer they r a disgrace, they should leave Liverpool football club and let DIC takeover over, so that they can reclaim liverpool football clubs title
wise up and get a life it would take more than a stadium to get those 4
if it’s true, i will kill those yankee monkeys