Liverpool FC is Tiny Tim

As enticing as it was to make Leo Messi Tiny Tim, it would only have been for their similar heights.

According to the great people at Wikipedia as well as my vague memory of A Christmas Carol, Tiny Tim is a poor boy who is very ill and is in need of dire medical attention to prevent him from dying. When Scrooge is visited by the ghost of Christmas yet to come, he sees that Tiny Tim has died because he did not receive the medical treatment he so needed. When taken back to the present, however, Scrooge becomes a sort of father figure for Tiny Tim, and he lives on, eventually becoming successful because of Scrooge’s wealth.

If the similarities to Liverpool at the moment aren’t clear,  you’re either blind, stupid, or a Liverpool fan who doesn’t want to face the truth. The reds are in desperate need of wins and much like Tiny Tim, are very ill as well. I believe the statistic that I last saw was 3 wins out of the past 15 matches (although now that I think about it, it is 4 out of the past 16 after the Wigan win.

Although 3/15 and 4/16 might seem like a big difference, it’s not; I assure you that they are both equally shitty) and as a result, us fans have seen the men of Anfield crash out of the Champion’s League, fall way behind in a title race that we were supposed to be at the front of the pack in (put in perspective, Liverpool have the same amount of points as recently promoted Birmingham. Yeah. I know. Birmingham), and without any real hope or optimism for the rest of the season (does anyone ACTUALLY want to win the Europa league?).

So we’re desperately ill, as illustrated by the past two or three months of football. But the comparison does not end there. We are all aware that co-owners Tom Hicks and George Gilette are on the market in an attempt to sell the club and until Tiny Tim gets that new father figure in his life supplying him with endless amounts of cash, I doubt we will get any better. The Scrooge of old vs. new Scrooge analogy doesn’t stop at the owners, however; it extends to the manager as well.

Rafael Benitez. Oh Rafa, you used your pixie dust far too soon in your tenure as manager of Liverpool, and I believe it run out a very long time ago. Your (quite literal) fifteen minutes of fame are over and I think that until somebody shows you the door, Tiny Tim is going to die a slow and painful death.

You haven’t bought anybody outstanding since Mr. Torres came to town two seasons ago and although it was impossible to argue with your tactical magic in seasons (and Christmas) past, your gameplans have now become very questionable and has left us all in a state of distress.  Either you must leave, or you must find your inner new Scrooge, because your beard and your rants are beginning to annoy us all (seriously…this whole lone striker thing is getting very old).

Hopefully, the tale of A Christmas Carol will turn out to be a reality in the case of Liverpool. As the story teaches us, you must be good to everyone and have a heart, else you will suffer misery and despair. In this case, though, we learned that new and improved Scrooge showered Tiny Tim with his riches after being visited by those three ghosts.

So basically, if you’re a poor and ill Liverpool fan don’t give up hope! There is light at the end of the tunnel yet! Put on your best face and hope that those three ghosts visit that guy named Scrooge.

Because if they don’t, Tiny Tim will die.

Back to the “Footballers as Christmas Characters” article.

Also See: Soccerlens’ Christmas Babes.

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