Kevin Keegan and Mike Ashley talks bound to end in tears

The newest characters in the Newcastle United soap opera are the Ashley-Keegans – a bickering couple. You know the sort: they argue relentlessly, both waste hours of your time explaining all the faults of the other and making sure you know that it is definitely over this time, and then promptly get back together.

Word on the street is that the Ashley-Keegans have gone in for some relationship counseling to try to sort out their problems, and patch things up after their recent split. You see, it started not long after they first got to together.

Mike had said he was committed to Kevin, but then he started sniffing round these three hussies – Dennis, Tony and Jeff – and even got them jobs at his work. Kevin was understandably perturbed, but Mike pleaded his innocence. They both tried to get along for a few months, but one day Kevin surprised Mike at work and found Dennis with his hands in Mike’s pocket fiddling with his transfer policy.

Kevin, of course, stormed out in a jealous rage and said it was all over, but there is no doubt he still has feelings for Mike. So Mike has agreed to the counseling sessions with Kevin, but it is not clear if they want to discuss the same things. Mike might just want to make sure that Kevin doesn’t try to get too much money in the divorce. On the other hand, Mike knows the split has had a devastating effect on their children, Toon and Army, and knows that the kids blame him for the break-up. It is possible that Mike wants to stick it out with Kevin for the kids’ sake.

While this would keep everyone happy in the short-term, Kevin is not likely to move back in with Mike unless he agrees to get rid of Dennis. And Mike will not be too eager to lose his bit on the side for the sake of keeping the family together.

This means that the counseling is bound to end it tears, so stop the whining the pair of you. It is time to move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea. You were never really happy, were you? Mike, you had better break the news to the kids….

Who would own a football club?
Ashley and Keegan can't agree what's best for Newcastle