Furniture Footballers – Football’s All-Furniture XI

Furniture Footballers? senior writer Eddie Griffin looks at football names that sound like your average household furniture.

One could fill a book or three on all of the reasons to love sports, but one of the greatest things about sports, from baseball to football, to the other football, the other football, the other football, and the other football, is that they give us so many conversation topics and lasting memories.

Often times, they’re about a game, a moment in a game, or a certain player, but often enough, conversations don’t have the least bit to do with the action. For example, a couple of months ago, Umbro, with the help of football fans on Twitter, came up with a full team of ‘furniture footballers’.

Inspired by their selections, we’re trying our hand at our own, and though there are some similarities between that lineup and this one, there are several originals, including one that’s a perfect fit. There were a few names that had to be shelved for one reason or another, but hopefully you think this is a top-drawer list. Okay, it might be time to put the furniture jokes to bed…

Football Furniture XI

GK: Ikea Casillas

DF: Atiba Hutchinson
DF: Zat Knight-Stand
DF: Joleon Lescot

MF: Desk Fabregas
MF: Jonjo Shelfey
MF: Matthew Box-spring
MF: Xherdan Chairqiri

FW: Demba Ba Stool
FW: Chichairito
FW: Edinson Divani

Manager: Ottoman Rehhagel

Of course you have to have a substitutes’ bench, and on the Football All-Furniture XI bench, we have a number of names who either just missed out or weren’t quite furniture-y enough to be included.

Subs: Costel Pantrylimon, David Heater, Andres Biniesta, Frank Lampard, Junior Toilet, Peter Couch, Vagner Loveseat

Will Peter Crouch fit on this couch?

It was quite a difficult decision as to which English striker to put on the bench, but Peter Couch slipped in ahead of fellow contenders Darren Bench and Emile Deskey.

These are all current players, but what about some classics? How about English stars Stand Collymore or Sir Standley Matthews, or the legendary Italian hero Roberto Beanbaggio? Sadly, Doorknobby Stiles doesn’t make the cut.

Do share your own furniture footballers below the line.

Also See:

Mick McCarthy pays price for misplaced priorities
Don’t be a mug and stick with Spurs. Know what I mean ‘Arry?