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Funny Football Club Names

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Most of us would swear we were watching 11 Wankas wandering around the park on a Saturday, but for fans of the world’s best known funny named team that definitely is the case. Peru’s Deportivo Wanka have developed a cult following, and some not unwelcome UK merchandise sales, on the basis of their name. One club official said: “It is very strange. Everyone in Britain seems to think we have a funny name.”

The club is named after the Wankas people who lived in the region but, perhaps understandably, were not introduced alongside the Incas in your primary school history lesson.

Staying with the theme, Swiss outfit Young Boys Berne have created an equal amount of masturbation-related jokes over the years. Being named after what sounds like a euphemism for a teenage medical condition is bad enough, but when you consider the side used to play at the Wankdorf Stadium the situation worsens a little for the team’s followers. There were probably not too many complaints when they moved to the less controversial Stade de Suisse in 2005.

Earlier this year, Roman Abramovich was apparently eager to splurge (I believe that is the correct verb) some of his billions on little known Zimbabwean outfit Wankie FC. Quite what he thought they were going to add to his footballing empire is not clear, but the fact the current owners are also in charge of a nearby coalmine probably holds the key.

Before we attempt to leave the filth behind we must mention Indonesia’s wonderfully onomatopoeic Semen Padang who, as far as we know, sadly never ran out of the tunnel at Wankdorf Stadium.

Moving swiftly on from teenage boys’ bedroom habits to their bathroom habits, and an Argentinian club that sounds like a piece of toilet wall graffiti. Chaco For Ever is the most humorous of a host of Argentine teams with English names, albeit forever is incorrectly spelt as two words. Newells Old Boys are arguably the most famous Argentine club with a distinctly British moniker.

The animal kingdom is also a useful source of funny football club names. Africa in particular is home to hundreds of mildly amusing creature-inspired clubs, so we are going to stick to the very pinnacle of this genre. Firstly, we have Sierra Leone’s Golf Leopards, which conjures up a wonderful image of a big cat in plus fours but on the surface has very little to do with football. Out of Barbados we have the Insurance Management Bears who succeed in sounding both depressingly boring and fiercely aggressive at the same time, like a footballing Russell Crowe.

And continuing the strange juxtaposition of aggressive animals and unusual images, we have the Playtime Tigers from Bahamas. Presumably depending on their mood either they turn up and maul you or else just chase each other round the pitch. And what do you do with your freshly mauled tiger victims? Pack them straight off to Botswana where the Botswana Meat Commission FC will take care of things as only they know how.

Which brings us neatly to that particular African country. Botswana, Botswana, Botswana — surely the Promised Land of funny football club names. In addition to the Meat Commission you can also expect to find Naughty Boys, Killer Giants, Golden Bush, Man Machine, Home Sweepers, and the shaving advert-esque Triple Action. And a host of other mildly amusing outfits.

Our next section of team names want to be intimidating but went a bit too far in their attempts to convey this. This particularly phenomenon appears to have its epicentre in Bolivia, which can boast The Strongest, Destroyers and Always Ready within its league. It would be interesting to hear the coach of Always Ready trying to play the old leave the opposition waiting on the pitch trick. How can you delay the kick-off when you are Always Ready? Their Argentinian neighbours are a little more self-deprecating and offer us Deportivo Moron instead!

So before concluding this rundown of football’s funniest club names it is probably worth doing a final sweep of Africa to pick up the last few odds and ends. Hearts of Oak are another of those well-known funny club names. However, if you were in Malawi on the lookout for shops selling giant ammunition you would think a trip to Total Big Bullets would be a good idea. Sadly you would arrive to find a football stadium and not a gun in sight. Another misleading name is Zimbabwe’s Motor Action whose players sound like they might be battery-powered. The more astute reader might have realised that this throws up the occasional Motor Action-Wankie crunch match! We finish with King Faisal Babies of Ghana. Hardly intimidating, the team sound like they might have been plucked from the local crèche. Good job they have a menacing nickname to make amends then — the Nokia boys.

Funny club names are in the eye of the beholder, of course. One man’s Deportivo Wanka is another man’s Leeds United (although that particular name has become funny in recent seasons too). But if you call yourselves Joe Public like the Trinidad and Tobago outfit then you are pretty much guaranteeing universal appeal!

The Funniest Football Club Names:

  1. Deportivo Wanka
  2. Young Boys Berne
  3. Joe Public
  4. Botswana Meat Commission FC
  5. King Faisal Babies
  6. Chaco For Ever
  7. Playtime Tigers
  8. Semen Padang
  9. Insurance Management Bears
  10. Killer Giants
  11. Golden Bush
  12. Man Machine
  13. Triple Action
  14. Home Sweepers
  15. The Strongest
  16. Naughty Boys
  17. Always Ready
  18. Destroyers
  19. Deportivo Moron
  20. Hearts of Oak
  21. Golf Leopard
  22. Wankie FC
  23. Newells Old Boys
  24. Total Big Bullets
  25. Motor Action
  26. Lov Ham

Don’t forget to leave your suggestions to add to the list.

Also See: Funny Football Player Names, Footballer Nicknames

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Comments (41)

  1. Mosquito —- Botswana

  2. Peru… Peru… not only Deportivo Wanka, but also Total Clean (???), first division for a couple of years, now second division.

  3. deportivo wanka is not playin now, wanka is from “Huancayo” a place in Peru, but it was bought by people from other city, today this football team doesnt exist(2004)

  4. I’d like to mention Peru’s “Total Clean” and “Inti Gas”, both teams recently promoted to first division.

  5. about inti gas:INTI means SUN in quechua and GAS is GAS. Inti Gas is a company who sell gas for home and this company has his soccer team INTI GAS, i dont understand why it could be funny.

  6. TOTAL CLEAN AND INTI GAS the recently promoted to first division of Peru are really.. weird names… also sport wankayo is playing a tournament for promotion in peru

  7. Deportivo Wanka, real wankers… just promoted to our poor, low level but very passionate local league….Alianza Lima though could be the funniest one, they call themselves “the Niggers”… must say they r proud of it… but hey, they are proud of the dump they have as stadium, so what can be funnier than this…they insult theirselves and thye enjoy living around the rubish city dump…!!! good for’em!

  8. ok D.Wanka play soccer for long years and they descender in the year 2004.

  9. Chelsea forward, now in loan on Werder Bremen, Claudio Pizarro, made his debut on Peruvian First Division in Deportivo Pesquero, a team that changed his name and became Deportivo Wanka.

  10. In Perú if you are fanatic of the most popular team, ie Alianza Lima, the people call you GRONE, from the word NEGRO (Nigger). The syllabus exchanged: the first for the second. Something similar happens in Argentina where the most popular team Boca Juniors are called XENEISES because the GENOVESE descendants that came from Italy were the people who founded that club. Similar the Negros or Grones (Niggers) in Peru were and are the main race of players of Alianza however there are NEGROS fanatic of another teams and NEGROS players as well.

  11. And here some ex-GRONE players: Teófilo Cubillas, Claudio Pizarro, Jefferson Farfan, Alejandro Villanueva, Hugo Sotil, Victor Benitez, Cesar Cueto.
    By the way GRONES are proudly of that word.

  12. just to correct something….. alianza is not the biggest team in peru.. is Universitario.
    You stupid cholos living in england …!

  13. To “Junior Viza”… it’s kinda ironic that you try to hide yourself behind an ex-Alianza Lima player’s name… and No. Universitario isn’t the biggest team… whatever that would only make a long debate.

    And yeah… Pizarro (ex Alianza lima, Werder Bremen, Bayern Munich and Chelsea) made his debut in Deportivo Pesquero, that later became Wanka o.O…

    Still, i don’t get the joke in “INTI GAS”… may be lame or stupid, but not funny. Total Clean is =P

  14. In Peru the word BRITISH in Peruvian slang mean (BRITO) that is similar to gay…is true

  15. Here in Peru we say “British” and it means “gay” because it souns like “briti” or “britito” from “ca_brito”. I´m from Huancayo, and I like jokes, it´s really funny.
    So, all “British” are invited to come to Huancayo… jajajaja.

  16. You must know that “Wanka” is a word in Quechua Language (in Peru) that means “warrior”.

  17. Top 25 list is superb!!!

  18. MOTHERWELL

  19. “Swiss outfit Young Boys Berne have created an equal amount of masturbation-related jokes over the years. Being named after what sounds like a euphemism for a teenage medical condition is bad enough, but when you consider the side used to play at the Wankdorf Stadium the situation worsens a little for the team’s followers.”

  20. Sorry about previous post. I meant to add…classic! I never heard that before!

    Where did all these Peruvians come from? The reach of Soccerlens is greater than I thought!

  21. This article was posted by a reader in some of Peru’s top forums, hence the newcomers. I think they’re a bit tired of the Wanka jokes.

  22. Wanka = Warrior – that’s a new way of looking at the activity…

  23. if because britos and other greeting to the soccserlens to mention us that demonstrate that they know each other to the Peruvians and like rot to see some they forget their earth they visit peru and we will receive them with a lot of affection there is good food and you abut beaches apart from the well-known machupicho they already visit the north piura and the part but salient of sudamerica the tip pariñas with a good beer very icy HEALTH…

  24. in peru British (britanico, brito) is gay

  25. You forgot one team on the top 25 list! They are my favorite team(I live not far from them, only 30 minutes), They are from Norway, and are called ODD Grenland! They just promoted to the Nowegian Premier Division, and are hoping for a good season. Here is a video I made:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWftW88OwOA&watch_response
    They play in white.

  26. Naughty Boys and Golden Bush thats mint

  27. I guess such names tend to seems foreign to the outside observer. A similar case can also be made for the following:

    1) Manchester United – Why name a club after towels and linen?
    2) Ajax Amsterdam – In my part of the world Ajax is a brand of cleaning product
    3) Grasshopper Zurich
    4) Arsenal – No different to Destroyers, The Strongest
    5) Supersport United – Similar to Botswana Meat Commission FC or Thai Electricity Commission

  28. is not Newells Old Boys, is Newell’s Old Boys

  29. Morón is a city and a surname,is not funny. :P

  30. Add Wacker Tirol (Germany) to that list.

  31. go head eagles of holland must be in contension, and i’ve always had a soft spot for omniworld (also holland?).

    total network solutions of wales, still a classic

  32. Vasco de Gammon!! A team in the local 6-a-side league

  33. Sheffield Wednesday

  34. Wacker Tirol is from Austria, not Germany ;)
    In Austria they also have FC Superfund Pasching, SC InterWetten.com (no kiddin’!) and of course Red Bull Salzburg :D

    But agree with davino, TNS Llsantffraid (spelling? :p ) is epic!

    From Holland I miss NAC Breda, possibly the longest club name in the world – “Nooit opgeven altijd doorzetten Aangenaam door vermaak en nuttig door ontspanning Combinatie Breda”

    O_O

  35. Farsley Celtic Football Club are supposed to be the only “FCFC” in the world

  36. Joe Public is in Trinidad and Tobago

  37. dont forget Blooming

  38. Are “Eritrea Shoe Factory” and “Eleven Men In Flight” (Swaziland) still going around? I also like “NEWI Cefn Druids” (formerly “Flexys Cefn Druids”) from Wales, “Quick Boys” from Katwijk in the Netherlands, and “Ho Chi Minh City Police” for a ‘don’t argue’ club in the V-league. Pakistan also has riches – “Khan Research Laboratories”, “Karachi Electric Supply Corporation” and “Faisalabad’s Punjab Medical College”. From here in Australia I can offer “Afro–Oz FC” from the Northern Territory.

  39. alianza lima is the most ridiculous team of the world they sucks!

  40. WAO! d peruvian names are like hot slaps. I think soccer clubsides like jubuilo iwata of japan, bakili bullets of malawi and ashanti kotoko of ghana shld hv bn on de list. Though, d most funniest is nigeria’s warri wolves.

  41. How about Titan Uranus City