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Mr Capello I wish you luck – you’ll need it!

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NB. The following article is a spoof letter addressing a current issue within the game. It is intended to be light hearted and is not intended to offend anyone. If you are a reader who does not enjoy this feature on a Monday, please spare yourself the agony of reading it!

This week, after watching the first couple of days of Euro 2008 I thought I’d send an open letter to Fabio Capello to try to cheer him up about England’s current plight.

Dear Mr. Capello,

Having watched the first four games in the European Championships I am sure that you will agree with me that it is a tournament that it would have been quite nice to be involved in. Unfortunately, your predecessor, Steve McClaren, couldn’t have managed his way out of a wet paper bag, and somehow contrived to fail to qualify.

I thought I should just write to you to point out that we are the best football team in Europe and that you have players at your disposal who would walk into any of the teams who have qualified for this tournament.

At the time of writing, I have seen just half of the sixteen teams, Switzerland, Czech Republic, Portugal, Turkey, Austria, Croatia, Poland and Germany. I can compare our English stars to these eight teams because I don’t think there is anyone playing for Italy, France, Holland or Spain that would get into our team, do you?

In goal, David James would have been the best. Well, OK, Petr Cech might be picked above him. Oh, and maybe Artur Boruc. Turkey’s keeper looked quite decent actually, so did Croatia’s. Anyway, David James is definitely better than Jens Lehman.

At right back, who in their right mind would pick Germany’s Lahm or Portugal’s Bosingwa ahead of Wes Brown? Yeh, maybe he wouldn’t get in ahead of them two. OK.

At least we have the best left back. Ashley Cole is definitely streets ahead of that Jankulovski of the Czech Republic, isn’t he? Well, maybe not better, as such.

We clearly have the best central defenders in the world though, of that I’m sure. John Terry and Rio Ferdinand would never be left out in favour of Carvalho, Pepe, Ujfalusi or Mertesacker. Some people wouldn’t leave them out. OK, so Fernando Torres says that Ricardo Cavalho is by far the best central defender in the Premier League, bur really, what does he know?

On the right of midfield, Beckham or Bentley are clearly better than that Ronaldo feller at Portugal and on the left, Stuart Downing would undoubtedly keep Podolski out of the German team or Simao out of Portugal.

In the middle of midfield we have an advantage over the rest of Europe. Steve Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry and Owen Hargreaves would be sought after by all the other teams. Frings and Ballack for Germany and Deco, Moutinho and Petit at Portugal are hardly in the same class. I even heard someone suggest that some player called Modric is pretty good, but not in the class of Barry, surely?

Up front is where we clearly lead the world in talent. Rooney, Owen, Crouch and Ashton would be the first choice for all eight of the teams we have seen so far. We wouldn’t swap any of them for Klose or Gomez or Nuno Gomez or Frei or Eduardo if they were fit would we now.

So there we are, I have categorically proved that the only reason we didn’t qualify and go on to be European Champions is because we had a poor manager. The players are the best in Europe. Of course, we haven’t yet seen, Evra, Gallas, Vieira, Henry, Benzema, Ribery, Van Der Sar, Sneijder, Robben, Van Persie, Van Nistlerooy, Buffon, Chiellini, Pirlo, Toni, Casillas, Puyol, Iniesta, Xavi, Torres, Villa and Ibrahimovic amongst others, but I’m sure they’ll all prove to be disappointing.

Mr. Capello, I’m just slightly concerned now that one of the reasons we are not in the tournament could be because we’re not good enough. What do you think?

I wish you the very best of luck. You’ll need it!

Yours, sincerely,

Graham Fisher
Soccerlens.

Comments (17)

  1. No offense mate but this is getting duller and duller by the week.. try again, maybe next time:)

  2. A tough pill to swallow but absolutely spot on.

  3. Well,

    Downing better than Podolski??? loler
    Barry better than Modric… rofl
    Ronaldo crap? lol
    Crouch, Owen, Ashton better than Klose, Gomez, Eduardo… haha

    Well that is the attitude that put you where you are now. Its a Team sport. You English think that your players are better than others, that everything is better in your courtyard. And thats a basic problem.

    On top of it you have no clue where some players play, what they play etc… On German right side was Fritz/Schweinsteiger but you were to blind to see.

    Podolski played left winger even if he is natural attacker and he switched to attack once Gomez went out.

    And your midfieled better than other midfields? I mean that 36-old Croatian captian Niko Kovac is like Lion. He dies on pitch, no lost ball, same you can say about Olic that never stops running, he is like Rooney to Croats in terms of commitment. And Gerrard… Eh, how did he look average when Luka Modric tear him apart at Wembley. And tore all England hopes.

    I wont even mention your comment on Portugal midfield. You know who is that kid Jose Moutinho? You don know, ofc you dont, you wrote it. But you will surely know about this kiddo soon.

    Enjoy your euro summer

  4. Thats kinda witty I think!!!!

  5. I can’t tell when you’re being sarcastic or not :( god dam it it’s so hard to tell on computer

  6. Mr. Capello, I’m just slightly concerned now that one of the reasons we are not in the tournament could be because we’re not good enough. What do you think?

    Sadly, the above line was the only one in the piece that was not meant to be sarcastic! :)

  7. Hmm, this is quite funny but its point is pretty… pointless.

    Essentially your assertion is that in a match of England Vs Rest of Europe that the Rest of Europe team would win.

    Duh.

    Maybe you have to be English to get this article?

  8. @ liverpool fan i agree with u its hard 2 determine when some of these author are just being sarcastic or not its hard to tell from a computer,what their intentions are because one can only seize up the intention from the tone of the article. but one can summise that if England were as good as people like mr fisher make them to be they would have been at the Euros but they were not that is why they did not qualify. comparing England to others does nt really make sense. each of the teams at the Euros qualified on merit not on paper, “best team in Europe”? on what basis? give me a break, its easy to blame Mclaren, the players were the ones on the pitch not him. Good try mr. fisher but are u saying that if England had qualified they will have crushed the other teams a the Euros? what actually was your point?

  9. My point is that England tend to be a bit arrogant and think we’re the best. We were amazed that we didn’t qualify for the Euros. What I’m saying is that actually, when you look at the other teams, we are not very good!

    I’m just suggesting that maybe we should be a bit more realistic about how good, or otherwise, we actually are.

    The fact that Jana thought I was being serious and the others weren’t sure shows just how conceited the English are perceived to be! I was trying to take the mickey out of England. Sorry if I didn’t make my myself clear, and thanks for the feedback. :)

  10. Not a fare comparison at all. You are contrasting the cream of
    whole europe with one team of 11. England by no means are the
    team of prized cocks, but they are not as hopeless as you have made them to be.
    If somehow everyone forgets them (press included) for a um….a year, stop talking about them; they would be hailed as
    a team that came from no where and set the scene on fire,( only to be extinguished timely by massive amounts salival-excretions of one ‘slobbering G’). ps. couldnt help it. :)

  11. thank you for clearing that up :)

  12. Defenitely you are being sarcastic, the only sector that is clearly england has advantage is Central midfield, with Gerrard, Lampard duo, and Left back with Cole! Portugal in every position has players among the best in that position (Ricardo(remember him)Carvalho, Pepe(will be the best), Bosingwa (wait and see him playing in Chelsea, will be the best to), Deco, Simao, Ronaldo(the best), the only players that are not among the very best are Petit, Nuno Gomes and P.Ferreira! But for little time, because in near future we will have very players among the bests ( Moutinho, Veloso, Meireles, Pelé, Nani, Quaresma, Rui Patricio, Bruno Alves, Manuel da Costa, etc…) the only positions missing among the top are left back and Striker, but we have other guys, that can do that very well!
    And England isn’t only coaching, is also very superstars and bug ego, and can’t play as a team!

  13. thanks graham now i understand, thumps up for clarifying your position.

  14. btw, ashley cole is an excellent left-back and micah richards, when fit, would be first choice right back. Can’t beat those two.

    And I’d pick Rio over anyone else. Rio and Carvalho for me, day in and day out.

    None of the English defenders are particularly good in the air. We could go on all day if we started picking faults…

  15. If thats sarcasm i think u made it great.
    If no…huh man change TV u must have got the wrong channels.

  16. Jana, are you for real?

    That was a joke. He was being sarcastic.

  17. The cut the story short is that England dont know how to play mordern football. Football is not all about crossing the ball from the right side. Checkout spain for instance, Xavi in the centre providing magical through passes. I hope capello teach english players how to pass the ball around rather than crossing it from the right or long.