Chelsea lack the authority they used to enjoy

Chelsea lack the authority they used to enjoy


In years gone by, namely since the arrival of Cashbags McBramovich, Chelsea have always played with a certain pragmatic swagger seen only amongst the best of teams. The Arsenal Invincibles, or Manchester United throughout their 2008 Champions League winning campaign, immediately spring to mind.

Jose Mourinho instilled this mentality amongst the boys in blue, and long has it lived through the likes of Lionheart JT and Ashley ‘air rifle’ Cole, amongst others who have since left the club. This season however, coming up against this Chelsea side doesn’t seem all that scary.

Indeed, when defenders looked at the team sheet to see the name Didier Drogba spearheading the opposition, they would proceed to lose their collective cool for the next 90 minutes.

The Ivorian put the fear of God into centre backs up and down the country simply unable to deal with the threat of an enormous battering ram moving with such inertia as to unhinge planetary orbits as he passed.


Then came Frank Lampard and Michael Essien, a combination of one goalscoring midfielder with a Midas touch, and another who once delivered the contents of a broken down freight train from Aberdeen to Stamford Bridge just in time for Christmas, stopping only once for some Gatorade and a bumper pack of spinach.

Hell, we haven’t even mentioned Jon Obi Mikel, the man who’s father worked as a nuclear bomb shelter on weekends.

Then of course the defensive unit of Cole, Terry, Carvalho, Ivanovic and Cech. They could be described as a footballing equivalent of the Avengers, but none would accept the role of the obsolete and unnecessary Hawkeye.


So, what happened?

Drogba the mighty oak was replaced by an overpriced Spanish dandelion, Fernando Torres. Diesel got too expensive to make running Michael Essien sustainable. Mikel has been revealed as the incompetent, lazy pile of discarded fruit peel that he really is while the likes of Lampard, Terry, Cole and Cech are being ravaged by time.

Most importantly however, Darth Mourinho has been inadequately replaced by a succession of Stormtroopers (even if noble Jedi Ancelloti and young padawan AVB did show some promise).


The swagger has vanished. The side looks flimsy, brittle and in places like an IKEA wardrobe sat between a vintage davenport salvaged from the wreckage of Titanic and The Picture of Dorian Gray. In other words, cheap wannabes cowering in the face of once powerful beings who still haven’t moved on.

Chelsea cannot be winners, until they know that they are winners.

Jono Clarke

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  1. Lol, some very colorful hyperboles here (some of which maybe trolls?).

    Chelsea’s problem has never been the squad itself, or that manager sinferior to Jose have led it–it’s that there hasn’t been stability at the club since Jose left. This travesty must be credited to Abramovic and the Chelsea board. Not only have they destabilized the club repeatedly through their impatience, they have destroyed any sense of culture the club could have.

    The consequence of this managerial instability is that the senior players have become more domineering leaders out of necessity to keep the squad in workable condition. But with the veterans almost booted, with so many young players who haven’t weathered the tumult of Stamford drama, and after 5+ years of instability the price of their impatience may be just coming home to roost.

  2. Favourite. Article. Ever. I’ll never look at Michael Essien the same way again.

    Seriously though, obviously managerial instability has played a part, but like Jono says, the likes of Torres, Oscar etc. are not balanced out by any brutish mentalities who know what it takes to win.

  3. I’m not surprised the recent instability has come about. Jose drains teams, both physically and mentally. Chelsea are still struggling to recover after his departure, Inter are in the same boat, neither club are hitting the incredibly high standards they achieved under Mourinho. And we’re seeing the same thing with Real at the minute, after the incredible high standard the squad produced to win the league they are struggling to bring themselves back to that level. If/when they get knocked out of this seasons champions league Jose will be gone in the summer leaving a squad behind that will be obliterated physically and mentally. As a Utd fan i hope he doesnt get the job once Fergie goes, Jose is a guy that will do incredible things for 2-4 years then go and leave chaos behind him.

    • You can’t credit Chelsea’s current struggles to a manager they had 5 years ago, and even more managers ago :)

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