Borussia Dortmund Issue Vuvuzela Ban

Bundesliga side Borussia Dortmund have taken positive steps to keep the Westfalenstadion free from the moronic drone of the vuvuzela next season, by banning supporter’s from entering the arena with the South African trumpets.

The monotonous rumble of the banausic plastic horns has accompanied every single World Cup game so far, driving many hundreds of supporters to the mute button or, if unlucky enough to actually secure themselves match tickets, the knitting needles.

Vuvuzela’s have already been banned from many public events in Germany, due to the inherent health risks (Tinnitus, nose-bleeds, complete Catatonia) being directly linked to the ‘instrument’ – although Dortmund are the first football club to officially outlaw them.

So said Hans-Joachim Watzke, general manager of the Bundesliga outfit;

“Our fans don’t want to have these trumpets, it is nerve-racking and completely drowns out any chanting.

We have decided as a work group at Borussia Dortmund that these horrid things will be forbidden from the Westfalenstadion.”

Watzke then came over a little ‘stereotypical German über-villain” by adding;

“Anybody who does not abide by this will face the consequences.”

All of you insolent, rubber-lunged, horn-huffing imbeciles would be wise to remember…

…Resistance is futile.

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  1. Cris 23 June, 2010
  2. Jsmith 24 June, 2010