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Footballers as Christmas Characters

With Christmas season in full swing and a completely, utterly depressing past few weeks of sports news for me, (Roy Halladay being traded to the Phillies, Liverpool football club as a whole, rumours of Steven Gerrard being sold) I thought it would be nice to take a step back for a second and insert some…

Rafael Benitez is Scrooge

A Christmas Carol is quite possibly the best Christmas story ever. It teaches us that life isn’t all about being successful and wealthy and that we should try to be happy and make those around us happy, and this is illustrated through Ebeneezer Scrooge. Traumatized in his sleep one night, Scrooge is visited by ghosts…

FC Barcelona is Santa Claus

Oh Santa, you jolly fat bastard. It’s difficult to find anyone around Christmas time who hasn’t heard the story of Santa, and if you haven’t then you’re either stupid, retarded, or both. Of course, he is the man who works year round making presents for all those good little kids out there and somehow manages…

Didier Drogba is Frosty The Snowman

I’m sure we’re all well aware of the story of Frosty the Snowman. In case you aren’t, let’s refresh your memory. Originally a song, Frosty is about some kids making a regular snowman; the three massive snowballs, the carrot nose, the coal eyes, the scarf, the tophat, the whole nine yards. Pretty ordinary, right? Well as it…

Jermain Defoe is Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Rudolph, you loveable reindeer, you. No list of Christmas characters would be complete without a mention of Rudolph and it was slightly tricky picking who would represent him in this list. None of Santa’s other reindeer (all playing monopoly) take a liking to Rudolph because of his rosy nose, but Santa (in his underwear of course) picks…

Liverpool FC is Tiny Tim

As enticing as it was to make Leo Messi Tiny Tim, it would only have been for their similar heights. According to the great people at Wikipedia as well as my vague memory of A Christmas Carol, Tiny Tim is a poor boy who is very ill and is in need of dire medical attention to…

Portsmouth To Win The Premier League?

About six weeks ago I did a piece predicting West Ham to win the Premier League based on their league position this year and Manchester United’s league position last year after 5 games. That prediction hasn’t been working out too well (hopefully you didn’t think I was serious…although I’m pretty sure I still managed to annoy…

West Ham To Win The Premier League?

As I write this I’m watching Everton lose to Fulham at Craven Cottage and as a Liverpool fan it puts absolute delight in my heart to see Everton in the bottom three. Of course, I know that they will not stay there because they are a fantastic team with a fantastic manager, but with five games…

An open letter to Manchester City’s ‘most famous’ fan

Dear Noel Gallagher, I am an avid fan of Oasis. I really like all of your music despite people’s claims that all your music sounds the same. I even own a copy of Masterplan. I know that none of those songs were smash hits, but who cares? You’re Oasis that’s all that matters. Who cares…

FC Take on CF in Battle of Toronto and Madrid

The glorious days of preseason football are wrapping up (thank GOD) which means that days and days of meaningless games and cups will no longer have to be ignored by fans of the beautiful game. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand the necessities of preseason football; the players have been off for an entire…