David Green
A facetious cynic, The Armchair Fan gets pissed off with the relentless peculiarity of the modern world of football, and has childishly decided to exaggerate it with his irrelevent ramblings. He enjoys cheap jokes about headlines, words which sound a bit rude, and criticising clubs' stupidity.
Manchester United’s ref issue, Tottenham’s real problem and Barton’s Newcastle disgrace
Many people admire Alex Ferguson. He is undoubtedly one of the best managers ever to have been involved in the game, and his record with Manchester United speaks for itself. Unfortunately, Fergie himself also speaks; predominantly about referees. An unofficial (and made up) record to add to Fergie’s glimmering collection is that he is the…
Didier the sleeping assassin
The world of football never ceases to provide gems of amusement to keep us all smiling. Footballers are not known for their intelligence, but Didier Drogba has once again proved he is not a master of tact. After causing a stink in an interview a few years ago when he seemed to claim he was…
The truth about England
The England team is a strange animal. They are some of the best-paid professionals in a game pretty much every bloke in this part of the world has played at some point of their lives, supported by tens of millions of fanatics, with the best kit, technology, and coaching staff money can buy. There are…
Common sense anyone?
The F.A. have announced that lucky punters will be able to buy common sense by the bag from their headquarters as of this Saturday, after they have decided no one in the football world has any use for it any more. With the backdrop of multi-billionaire takeovers, Djibril Cisse’s haircuts and Alan Hansen’s “technical analysis”,…
Who would own a football club?
It’s a strange job owning a football club. You are expected to invest millions of pounds (or roubles, or dollars or Emirati dirham) into something which is still the assumed property of hundreds of thousands of often-drunken, often-abusive, often-tattooed supporters who have no idea about the behind-the-scenes workings of a football club. Despite the massive…
Bjorgoful Gudmundsson reveals true West Ham saga…
Dear Deidre, My name is Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson. That’s bad enough – it takes me fifteen minutes to sign a cheque. I am chairman of West Ham United. That’s even worse. I moved to England in late 2006 with a friend, Eggy Magnusson. We rented a flat with a girl called Alice Pardew. She was a…
Chelsea ‘fans’ defect to Man City
The Premiership woke up this morning to a lot of excitement. Everton fans were celebrating breaking their transfer record, West Ham fans were incredulous that they had sold half their defence without replacing them, Liverpool fans were “overjoyed” at signing two foreign 18-year-olds to add to their increasing collection of foreign 18-year-olds, Newcastle were celebrating…
Liverpool appoint Mrs Redknapp as assistant manager
‘Onest ‘Arry Redknapp appears to be feeling the pinch of the credit crunch. Obviously Lord Stevens’ enquiry into bung-taking in football found no evidence he was anything other than an upstanding member of the football community, but in a summer in which Portsmouth’s transfers have been limited, possibly he has struggled with an income below…
How the Dutch sabotaged England’s Euro dreams
An astonishing leaked interview with former England boss Steve “Umbrella” McClaren has made it clear to British football authorities that the man they entrusted with England’s dismal Euro 2008 qualifying campaign was in fact a Dutch spy, sent in to sabotage English football. The interview (shown below) is thought to have been taken when McClaren…
English Double Standards: Clattenburg v Shinawatra
The English Premier League has never been known for a lack of discipline, even when Robbie Savage was in it. While discussions rage about the ability of officials to control matters on the field, fans should never doubt the impossibility of the situation facing them. You only have to look away for an instant and…
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