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Ten facts highlighting Liverpool’s excellent progress under Dalglish this season

Liverpool and Dalglish have received a lot of criticism this season, most of it surrounding their transfer policy and lack of points on the table but in truth, this is undeserved and unfair on King Kenny. After all, this is the man who led Liverpool out of the abyss that was Roy Hodgson’s tenure and…

Arsenal can deliver title to United with win against City

For months it looked like Manchester United would need, at the very least, three points at the Etihad to stand any chance of overtaking Manchester City in the title race. For months, United were being commended for being able to stay within touching distance despite injuries that had disrupted Ferguson’s season plans and forced him…

English Football Finances – 1981 to 2011

Football finance has been a hot topic for several years now, and we often cite the influx of Sky money, the formation of the Premier League, the modernisation of FIFA and UEFA, football club takeovers and of course, the rise of player wages as key indicators of how football has become more and more a…

Liverpool declare independence, King Kenny to lead them to league title

Liverpool have declared their independence as a separate and sovereign nation, electing King Kenny as their first leader. Liverpool will also breakaway from the English Premier League with immediate effect to form their own Liverpool Premier League, where they, as the only members, will be guaranteed silverware each season. Liverpool’s declaration of independence has come…

Premier League referees declare war on Manchester United

Premier League referees – backed by Liverpool, Tottenham and Manchester City – have launched a scathing attack on Manchester United, claiming that Sir Alex Ferguson was single-handedly responsible for the unbelievable amounts of abuse referees are subjected to in English football and that they were now on a warpath against United, and would not rest…

Tottenham announce that Harry Redknapp will be England manager

BREAKING NEWS: Today’s news is completely broken. Tottenham have taken the bold step of announcing that Harry Redknapp will be England manager for Euro 2012. The move comes as a surprise because while many people (all of Harry’s friends in the press) were certain that Redknapp would get the England callup, the FA has been…

Arsenal plan test-tube footballers to outsmart Chelsea, Tottenham and United

Plans leaked from Wenger’s mobile phone (which also contained some tasty photos that we’re never going to share – respect, Monsieur Wenger, respect) reveal Arsenal’s secret plans to outsmart their rival football clubs – by creating test-tube footballers using the finest possible footballer DNA collected over the last decade. Arsene Wenger’s Arsenal project is nearing…

Tottenham plan stupendous Premier League title heist against Arsenal, United and co.

Secret plans recovered from incinerators next to White Hart Lane (allegedly used by Tottenham to destroy incriminating evidence against Harry Redknapp) have revealed an incredibly risky and left-field strategy for Tottenham winning the Premier League next season. With this season down the toilet thanks to Harry’s romance with the English press, Tottenham have put all…

Chelsea appoint John Terry as player-manager as Terry promises ‘no slipups’ in Champions League

Roman Abramovich Chelsea have appointed John Terry as player manager with immediate effect, with the board highlighting his fantastic team talks and tactical input from the sidelines as the core reasons for making this decision. The Chelsea FC official website read: “We welcome John Terry to formally assume the role of Chelsea manager and to…

Manchester City owners complete Barclays takeover, dock Manchester United 100 points

Manchester City’s owners completed their takeover of Barclays Bank this morning and immediately set about ringing some changes that will shake the very foundations of English football. Sheikh Mansour’s first order of business was to instruct the Premier League – sponsored by Barclays – to deduct a mind-boggling 100 points from Manchester United for ‘failing…