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The Round-Up: Torres Exit Request Rejected, Man Utd To Go Dutch

Liverpool have confirmed that striker Fernando Torres made an official transfer request yesterday afternoon amidst interest from Chelsea, and that the club have also turned it down – telling the Spaniard that they expect him to honour his long-term contract at Anfield.

Fabio Capello Saddles Jack Wilshere With The ‘F’ Bomb

The nation mourned when Emile Heskey retired from international football last year, and rightly so -for England knew that what stretched out before them was what adulterous husbands tend to refer to as a ‘transitional period’ when the kids finally ask why Mummy hasn’t been home in nearly three weeks.

England needed, and still need, a new hero. Step forward, 19-year-old Jack Wilshere.

The Round-Up: Liverpool Snub Torres Bid, Inter After Bale…Again

Liverpool have rejected a £35 million bid from Chelsea for striker Fernando Torres, according to a report in the Times.

The newspaper are claiming that the club contacted them immediately after rebuffing the offer, though no official word has been released by the Anfield PR department yet.

Van Der Sar Confirms Retirement: How Do United Replace A Legend?

As the venerable Paul Scholes remains undecided as to whether his sainted, 36-year-old legs have another year at the top left in them, a fellow member of Manchester United’s veteran old guard has broken ranks and revealed that he intends to call time on his career at the end of the current season.

Upon the culmination of 21 years of unbridled professionalism and excellence, ‘keeper Edwin van der Sar has confirmed that he will hang up his gloves this summer.

The Round-Up: Mourinho Wants Out, Liverpool Face Suarez Stand-Off

A batch of interesting quotes have emanated from the Real Madrid camp, in which coach Jose Mourinho, just days after refusing to commit to Los Blancos past the summer, tells of his hankering for a return to the last bastion of the fair and the just – the English Premier League.

Sky Sports Wield The Axe As ‘Sexism’ Witch Hunt Rumbles On

The sanctimonious ‘sexist’ witch hunt that is currently permeating the glossy facade English football coverage is showing no signs of abating today, with fresh clips of otherwise-vidicated Sky anchor Richard Keys hee-hawing about colleague Jamie Redknapp’s sexual conquests now doing the rounds – and, such is my remit here on Soccerlens, I’m afraid that I’m duty-bound to tell you poor sods all about it.

The Round-Up: Chelsea Debunk Atletico €60m ‘Double Bid’ Claims

Reports in the Spanish press yesterday were carrying quotes supposedly attributed to Miguel Angel Gil, in which Atletico Madrid’s majority shareholder claimed that Chelsea had made a €60 million double bid for striker Sergio Aguero and centre-back Diego Godin. Though it seems Senor Gil may have been telling porkies…

Andy Gray Teeters As Second Sexist Tirade Leaked

Just when it looked like Sky Sports pundit-in-chief Andy Gray (along with presenter Richard Keys) was going to worm his way out of having to face any tangible punishment for his overtly chauvinistic guffawing, a second denigrating video has been leaked – by Sky News, no less – that may just cost the gittish Scot his lucrative ‘job for life’.

The Round-Up: Wenger Aware Of Hazard, Chelsea Luiz Control

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has confirmed that he is interested in bringing Lille prodigy Eden Hazard to the Emirates, but will only make a move for the 20-year-old starlet if and when he becomes ‘available’

Sky Sports Cavemen Suspended Over Sexist Remarks

The observant amongst you may have noticed that a female human being by the name of Sian Massey ran the line during Saturday’s Premier League tie between Wolves and Liverpool which, in these enlightened times, is about as controversial denouncing the evils of asbestos. That said, it seems oafish Sky Sports presenters Richard Keys and…